Day 26 Pain as bad as ever, anxiety a problem.

[Paxalot]

I've been following the program and doing all the daily exercises. I have had many insights about my past and my personality, far more than I ever had while in therapy. The problem is my pain scores have not budged. Some are worse.

Also the advice to reclaim your life by slowly doing more daily activities has not worked for me. I did manage to go for slightly longer walks each day but there was always a price to pay in increased pain and worsening symptoms. I'm back to being bed ridden most of the day and it is increasingly difficult to shake feelings of doom. I journal
A lot and now it seems I am repeating myself. I see more and more that I have made poor choices in a search for security and love. I see my own subconscious hand in self sabotaging dreams I held dear. I would be so happy to move forward with this new wisdom but I can only handle about 30 to 60 minutes out of bed at a time. When I stretch that time out I pay dearly the next day in pain.

I have cried my eyes out many times. My wife has been a tremendous support. Despite my gratitude for the love in my life it just seems too great a burden to live with such pain. I've told myself thousands of times that it is my mind creating these symptoms and that is the only explanation that makes sense. Every morning I am optimistic and most days that optimism is defeated.

I need advice. Thanks.

 

[Gigi]

I'm so sorry for your frustration! I do know that sometimes when we're on the right track, our subC fights back. Sarno and others have mentioned that increased pain is a sign that you're doing the right thing.
I initially found it hard to reconcile what I thought were conflicting ways of dealing with the pain. Some said to yell at your subconscious and others said to accept it and move on. I finally realized that I could do both, so here is what works for me. I initially chide my subC for responding to stress in an unhealthy manner, and state that I'm capable of dealing with the feelings. Then I try to overcome my fear of the pain by challenging my subC to give me all it's got with regard to the pain. Finally, I ignore it and do something else.
I hope you find a sequence that works for you. Don't give up hope!

 

[nowtimecoach]

I hear your frustration Paxalot!! You mentioned quite a few things that are helping you even though the pain hasn't gone away. The fact that you can see your subconscious at work in awareness is awesome. You also start the morning with optimism and I bet that's different before you started this program. I'm still new at this, so I don't have much advice to give. But I do like what Gigi posted above about using both approaches to the pain a) yelling at the pain - which for me, was to recognize that I was being bullied by my pain and thus responded in kind - No Bullying Allowed! b) Accepting and moving on despite pain. I bounce back and forth between the two approaches. I'm still in the process of convincing myself that I have some power over the pain but as I said earlier in the post - I'm a lot farther along than I was before I found Sarno's approach. Good luck and here is a virtual hug!!

 

[JoshG]

Sounds rough man, I'm about 25 days into this. some days are definitely better than others.
I started going to psycho-therapy. It has helped quite a bit.
Its cool to learn all this stuff about your personality and all, but I just want the pain to stop.
Its pretty lame to do all this emotional work then get rewarded with pain that was worse than before.
Now I've read in books and on posts for some people it gets harder before it gets easier.
Hang in there. Good luck with everything

 

[Mtngal]

Hi Paxalot:
First of all, I am so sorry you are in so much pain. (I'm assuming this is back pain?) I know and I think we all do how depressing and anxiety producing this can be. So know you are not alone. Secondly, know deep down somewhere that things never stay the same, things can change and what you feel like today does NOT predict your future. From the sounds of it, you are really trying the Sarno approach/method. One thing that stood out to me was that Dr. Sarno himself said in Healing Back Pain that you don't necessarily have to RESOLVE or SOLVE the things you repress or have to change your personality.. I think he says something similar to " acknowledging and accepting that some repressed emotions are the reason for the pain distraction can be enough to start healing - you don't necessarily have to KNOW what it is.. after all, it is repressed in the unconscious mind and heck, you may never know it. If you do find something you think fits, great! But don't get bogged down. As Dr. Sarno says, these feelings and emotions we have are universal, we all do this to some extent or another. Thirdly, I would recommend getting Fred Amir's book Rapid Recovery from Back and Neck Pain - and forget about the "rapid" part. As we are told by others so often in this forum, healing takes time and everyone is different. Amir's book gives you some concrete steps to take with charts etc.. Also read Steve Ozanich's book "The Great Pain Deception".. esp. Chapter 5 on how he healed from terrible back pain and other MindBody symptoms. Fourthly, others may not agree with me on this forum, but I found Dr. David Hanscom's book "Back in Control" to have some very valuable insights and again, a structured program to follow. He advocates aggressive sleep therapies and pain control via medications which you eventually get off of or taper. He does acknowledge Dr. Sarno in his book, but prefers to call it MindBody Syndrome. Being a spinal surgeon himself, who underwent two back surgeries and is now pain-free, he classes diagnoses into
a) Structural (which is not the TMS way of thinking obvsiously): that which is clear cut on imaging and is clearly causing appropriate symptoms.. but he acknowledges that this RARELY is the case and he does NOT do surgery anymore to relieve back pain. b) Soft tissue issues..? again, here he is going against TMS theory or c) MindBody Syndrome. Whatever the cause, however, he suggests a lot of psychological exercises to do in a logical format progressing eventually to light wt. lifting once the pain is gone or under control He says on his website" becoming pain-free is not possible, it is PROBABLE" .

Hope I have given you some ideas and resources. I don't know if you believe in prayer, but it's worth a try if you are open to it. Maybe you also need some medication for depression and or anxiety right now to help you get some relief - and then you start believing that change is possible, and as Steve Ozanich says, change is good, no matter how small a success .And even the pain getting worse, as Gigi on this forum mentioned, can mean you are starting to heal, hard as it is to believe.

Prayers and thoughts to you, don't ever give up!

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Paxalot)- I've been following the program and doing all the daily exercises. I have had many insights about my past and my personality, far more than I ever had while in therapy. The problem is my pain scores have not budged. Some are worse.

Eric)- Remember, never put a time limit ok- you'll be fine. Its the stress of the pain that's holding you back, its always this element first so don't fear the pain anymore ok and start to focus on other parts of your body right now that isn't in pain ok, like your pinky finger for example. What sort of meditations do you do? How long have you been on the program in all? How long have you practiced very seriously? let me know- we can help you ok.

Paxalot)-Also the advice to reclaim your life by slowly doing more daily activities has not worked for me.

Eric)- It will work Paxalot, how long did you go for it? let me know ok we can find a plan that will work, but you will have to have that relationship with life ya know.

Paxalot)-I did manage to go for slightly longer walks each day but there was always a price to pay in increased pain and worsening symptoms.

Eric)- This is only the tms fighting back at you, ( the increased pain. This is when you keep doing the program ok, it doesn't matter if you had 5 steps back . Now you can take 7 steps forward ok but it takes time and we cant time - time, that would create anxiety so we learn mindfulness. Have you practiced any mindfulness? I can send you some good lessons ok.

Paxalot)- I'm back to being bed ridden most of the day and it is increasingly difficult to shake feelings of doom. I journal
A lot and now it seems I am repeating myself. I see more and more that I have made poor choices in a search for security and love. I see my own subconscious hand in self sabotaging dreams I held dear. I would be so happy to move forward with this new wisdom but I can only handle about 30 to 60 minutes out of bed at a time. When I stretch that time out I pay dearly the next day in pain.

Eric)- Ok - see we have to get you thinking clean before you get better in steps, its not the exercise- its the awareness of your stresses and your emotional issues that have put you in bed so now you think on them and then accept them in a relaxed calm manner and let them go, let all the negative thoughts go after you have faced and experience them. The more you think about an impending doom the more pain you will have. Its the tms way of saying hey stop that kind of thinking cause now here's some pain. When you start to see love and happiness in life again the tms will have no reason to hinder you and you will heal.
Paxalot)- I have cried my eyes out many times. My wife has been a tremendous support. Despite my gratitude for the love in my life it just seems too great a burden to live with such pain. I've told myself thousands of times that it is my mind creating these symptoms and that is the only explanation that makes sense. Every morning I am optimistic and most days that optimism is defeated.

Eric)- That optimism will build, stay with it but don't think you have to create happiness, just be happy. Now that's hard while in pain so now is the time to create visualizations of yourself, totally pain free and happy without pain. See it and start to feel it in your heart. You will get what you keep your mind on Paxalot, you want the cure lets work together ok and we will lead you. Tell me your protocol and I will help you too
Bless you

 

[Anne Walker]

It is too great a burden to live with this kind of pain. I have felt that way many times. It is perhaps hard to imagine that any of us can truly understand the weight of being trapped in a pain body, but believe me, I am sure most of of here do. Please do not loose hope. Try if you can not to expect so much all at once, baby steps you can build on. If today you can only be out of bed 30-60 minutes at a time, that is okay. Sometimes it is more about finding a path to acceptance and trusting that you will find a way to make this manageable. When you can do that it does become easier to let the pain take a back seat. I am still in a lot of pain every day and yet it is becoming easier to not have the pain be center stage all the time. Some days that is not true. Sometimes it is just part of the day I am preoccupied with the pain, and sometimes I am able to redirect my thoughts in just a few moments. You are not failing if you are in a lot of pain and have not found a way to make it better. Be kind to yourself at ever turn. Observe, notice, breathe. It will get easier.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

It is too great a burden to live with this kind of pain. I have felt that way many times. It is perhaps hard to imagine that any of us can truly understand the weight of being trapped in a pain body, but believe me, I am sure most of of here do. Please do not loose hope. Try if you can not to expect so much all at once, baby steps you can build on. If today you can only be out of bed 30-60 minutes at a time, that is okay. Sometimes it is more about finding a path to acceptance and trusting that you will find a way to make this manageable. When you can do that it does become easier to let the pain take a back seat. I am still in a lot of pain every day and yet it is becoming easier to not have the pain be center stage all the time. Some days that is not true. Sometimes it is just part of the day I am preoccupied with the pain, and sometimes I am able to redirect my thoughts in just a few moments. You are not failing if you are in a lot of pain and have not found a way to make it better. Be kind to yourself at ever turn. Observe, notice, breathe. It will get easier.

This is Great Anne Walker, it wont be long and we will be hearing your success story
Thanks