Day 8 Onward and Upward

[sapiencia]

Thanks so much to everyone here for the welcomes and feedback. I want to share a recap of my week 1 journey.

I am so grateful that I have the time available to work the program, and to implement the tools and resources I am finding here. I am happy to note a decrease in physical symptoms, with a corresponding increase in the emotions which seems to confirm I am on the right path at present.

The journalling I've done is bringing to light a lot of repressed emotions, especially fears around abandonment, rejection, loneliness, failing, and loss of control. Seeing things on paper helps to name what lives in the dark shadows of my memories. Dialoguing with the frightened little girl has given insight, and understanding. Forgiving those who wounded, brings acceptance of 'what is' and inner peace.

I very much appreciated Forest's Day 7 video responding to the question 'Is it possible to work the program too hard?' I was feeling resentful that my family commitments, and responsibilities prevent me from giving more time to working the program. I see now that this is my perfectionism and over-achiever personality traits flaring. I have noticed on the day I missed journalling I had more tension in my body (specifically my belly).

I have an increase of anxiety and agitation in my gut which I think is connected to the issues coming to surface in the journalling activities, but also to the time of year. I recognize that January and February are difficult months for me. Advent and Christmas are deeply meaningful for me and once the season is past I feel rather deflated. And this goes way back to childhood for me, so I will be exploring this in future journalling exercises.

The note on day 7 of a Self-Care Day struck resonated with me and I thought back to a book I read many years ago by Cheryl Richardson, The Art of Extreme Self Care. I have missed making these practices a part of my day and resolve to do something fun for myself each day, just because...

So onward and upward into week 2 of SEP. I wish all members here an enlightening and grace-filled week.

 

[Sheree]

I am very impressed with your strong determination. You are on the right path and I believe you will get there. Fantastic - your enthusiasm really shines through. Life for you is going to get better and better.

 

[Ellen]

Hi Sapiencia,

I'm impressed with how much insight you've achieved and how much you've accomplished in only one week. I had a huge increase in anxiety and sadness initially from the journaling, but it lessened over time. Your attitude and enthusiasm are great and will take you far. Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

Best wishes on your healing journey....

 

[sapiencia]

Sheree & Ellen,

Thank you both for the encouraging responses, walking with others who are on a similar journey is very comforting and I am grateful.

I really believe that this is all in God's hands, for me this is a very spiritual journey. I met with my counsellor yesterday and he has cautioned me on the journalling, specifically not to get overwhelmed by all the repressed emotions and memories that are coming to light. This insight reinforces what I am reading in the SEP and on the Wiki in different testimonies. Critical reminder for me as perfectionistic overachiever, lol!

He suggested that I keep journalling activities short (under 15 minutes) and keep adding to the forgiveness lists. Our work together is to process memories where I get stuck, to identify defines mechanisms and to then break the defences through prayer and inner dialogue. It has borne much fruit these past 4 months that we've been working together.

With the insight regarding Jan/Feb being a difficult 'season' for me I am thinking to slow things down a bit on the SEP to 3-4 times a week with days off for self-care between. I think this will help to lesson the higher-than-normal levels of anxiety/agitation I've been experiencing the past couple weeks. I'd appreciate if anyone has insight on this idea?

So grateful for this community of support.

Best wishes to all…..

 

[nowtimecoach]

Sapiencia… I had EXACTLY the same kind of response you are having at this time of the program. I found that it starts calming down after awhile. I think my psyche had to get used to the fact that I was going to be rooting around and digging. It did force me into more self-care and gentleness. I think sharing on the forum and receiving the support that is so abundant helps normalize this process. I started seeing this work as part of my self-care and I think the exercises start revealing themselves more as just that… as time goes on. You're doing great. I never thought it would be a good thing to FEEL so much anxiety but I realized that I was becoming more sensitive to my energy states… which leads me to better care. Before TMS I was clueless as to how I was feeling and contributing to the need for the pain messages. Its that weird saying "Good news! I'm feeling!! Bad News! I'm feeling!"

 

[Ellen]

Sapiencia,

Your plan sounds great to me, and it seems that you have found an excellent therapist. So I'd say you have everything in place to be successful. Know that it is very typical for anxiety to increase as we begin to stop repressing our emotions. We repressed these feelings because we were afraid of them, so looking at them is going to bring up anxiety. Just keep working through it, and it will get better.

Best wishes to you.....

 

[Stella]

Hi Sapiencia,
I started meditating 6 months before I found the wiki. I was fallng apart physically and mentally. I knew I had to do something. I was desperate. I never thought I could do it. My mind never stops yakking. A good friend said it just means you are under a lot of stress. So it began.

I also started walking even though it was difficult. I had never had anxiety. Numerous other symptoms but not this. Anxiety started as I was finishing the program.... yikes.

Meditating, walking, journaling, affirmations, gratitude all help to keep all my sympytoms minor. The symptoms are a warning bell to manage my thoughts.