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Day 24 Obervations

M

Mando

Peer Supporter
Have you noticed any positive changes in your life while going through this program? If so what role did your TMS/PPD treatment play in it. If not, what areas of your life do you need to make changes?
  • Reinforced that I exhibit ALL the classic TMS symptoms, body pain, migraines, sinus allergies, lump in throat, frequent urination and personality traits of goodism, perfectionism, self-esteem and hostility.
  • Have been able to practice being honest about my feelings and fears in these posts and while it’s not comfortable, it’s necessary. Has helped me express myself, and while I don’t like to share all my junk it’s great to have a release valve. There’s something about writing it AND knowing somebody else might read it, which feels kinda freeing.
  • Increased my awareness of the role emotions play in the sensation of pain.
  • I need to continue being more honest about my fears with those closest to me, and not tell myself that they won’t understand and will judge me. It’s ok if they do. I need to practice that more. And so what if they do. It feels so much better not to keep things hidden.
  • No longer have to correct every thing I write (type) down and can let the spell check take care of it and not feel I have to go back and do it properly!
  • I still hang on to too much emotionally and when I feel emotional pain well up I choke it down, but at least I consciously know that I’m doing it. Getting closer to letting it out!
 
This is a great list, @Mando ! danceaYou are doing a lot of hard work and sticking with it. It’s inspiring to me. I know you will get better if you keep this up. Already your life is getting better!
 
Mando said:
Have you noticed any positive changes in your life while going through this program? If so what role did your TMS/PPD treatment play in it. If not, what areas of your life do you need to make changes?
  • Reinforced that I exhibit ALL the classic TMS symptoms, body pain, migraines, sinus allergies, lump in throat, frequent urination and personality traits of goodism, perfectionism, self-esteem and hostility.
  • Have been able to practice being honest about my feelings and fears in these posts and while it’s not comfortable, it’s necessary. Has helped me express myself, and while I don’t like to share all my junk it’s great to have a release valve. There’s something about writing it AND knowing somebody else might read it, which feels kinda freeing.
  • Increased my awareness of the role emotions play in the sensation of pain.
  • I need to continue being more honest about my fears with those closest to me, and not tell myself that they won’t understand and will judge me. It’s ok if they do. I need to practice that more. And so what if they do. It feels so much better not to keep things hidden.
  • No longer have to correct every thing I write (type) down and can let the spell check take care of it and not feel I have to go back and do it properly!
  • I still hang on to too much emotionally and when I feel emotional pain well up I choke it down, but at least I consciously know that I’m doing it. Getting closer to letting it out!
Click to expand...
Thanks for this post - I am feeling a little low and unmotivated this evening after a good couple of days (not symptom free but feeling positive) today, well this evening I feel very negative and tired.
Your symptom list overlaps a lot with mine, body pain 10+ years, always thought it was just because I was active, the 'lump' globus sensation kicked off September 2024 diagnosed as a muscle spasm, tension headaches every fucking day are the most disabling of my symptoms and frequent urination has become so normal I don't even think of it as a symptom. I was having a wobble but somehow reading your symptom list and feeling some mild connection is comforting. Also your need to spell check made me laugh, I am dyslexic I type my journal entries and it is full of mistakes so I go back through the mistakes when I've finished to correct the spelling and grammar !! that's hilarious now you've pointed it out, correcting my journal that's for my eyes only. I think its because I've always been embarrassed regarding my dyslexia so need to work hard to hide it.
So thank you for being honest and writing this post I'm not sure why it's helped but it has.
keep on posting, I look forward to reading more.
 
Dee.1983 said:
Thanks for this post - I am feeling a little low and unmotivated this evening after a good couple of days (not symptom free but feeling positive) today, well this evening I feel very negative and tired.
Your symptom list overlaps a lot with mine, body pain 10+ years, always thought it was just because I was active, the 'lump' globus sensation kicked off September 2024 diagnosed as a muscle spasm, tension headaches every fucking day are the most disabling of my symptoms and frequent urination has become so normal I don't even think of it as a symptom. I was having a wobble but somehow reading your symptom list and feeling some mild connection is comforting. Also your need to spell check made me laugh, I am dyslexic I type my journal entries and it is full of mistakes so I go back through the mistakes when I've finished to correct the spelling and grammar !! that's hilarious now you've pointed it out, correcting my journal that's for my eyes only. I think its because I've always been embarrassed regarding my dyslexia so need to work hard to hide it.
So thank you for being honest and writing this post I'm not sure why it's helped but it has.
keep on posting, I look forward to reading more.
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I'm happy you got something out of it @Dee.1983. I felt like a wuss writing about the urination part and didn't want to include it in my list, but am doing my best to keep this unfiltered. I'm thinking that the embarrassment and wanting to hide these types of things is probably exactly the reason why I am here. Even the spell check thing was difficult to include because I've ever since I learned to type I've had the habit, until recently. That feels a little over controlling to me! I think it's helpful to be able to feel like we're not 'special' cases and the only ones with these habits. It takes some of emotional charge out of it, knowing my habits are not so unique and shameful (to me) as I would like to think.

I wouldn't say doing SEP and TMS work is the easiest thing but it feels necessary. Keep up the good work. I can totally relate to the feeling of good days and bad days.
 
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JanAtheCPA said:
Her story was eye-opening for me, and here you are the next day with a similar one, and I suddenly saw the connection. Your recovery will come, too.
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I listened to the podcast and and it's very inspiring and I love Nicole Sach's book, Mind Your Body. I see the tremendous amount of good that accessing one's emotions and getting them out on the page. However... it honestly doesn't work that way with me. It feels like there's almost zero change of me crying out my emotions while typing, and that pisses me off. Journaling is definitely a great tool which helps me have realisations, although I think the only way for me to access the deep pain is to actually chat to an actual person. So, when I hear about people sitting there having these emotional breakthroughs through journaling, it actually really starts to shit me. Like it's a system for some but not everyone.
 
Diana-M said:
It makes you mad because you think one cry is going to do it— But it might be 100 cries that you need.
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Haha, I bet! Maybe it's a guy thing. I haven't cried in years, and every part of my conditioning has taught me I'm not supposed :(
 
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It's interesting. I had a counselling appointment a few weeks ago that touched on an emotional event in my past. Again, I didn't let myself cry, but just the act of verbalising it had me feeling sick to my stomach for 2 days. I believe that's the path to healing, it's just so hard to access and then stop holding on to it.
 
Mando said:
It's interesting. I had a counselling appointment a few weeks ago that touched on an emotional event in my past. Again, I didn't let myself cry, but just the act of verbalising it had me feeling sick to my stomach for 2 days. I believe that's the path to healing, it's just so hard to access and then stop holding on to it.
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I get it! it’s very easy for me to cry— too easy actually. Lol but almost impossible for me to feel anger. I try and try and I journal and I talk and I visualize— but anger just won’t come and it won’t stay. that’s what I’m working on. It’s definitely a gender thing for both of us. But suppressing our emotions is a TMS thing.
 
Diana-M said:
I get it! it’s very easy for me to cry— too easy actually. Lol but almost impossible for me to feel anger. I try and try and I journal and I talk and I visualize— but anger just won’t come and it won’t stay. that’s what I’m working on. It’s definitely a gender thing for both of us. But suppressing our emotions is a TMS thing.
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Lol, we're all similar but different! One great thing I have started to notice doing the SEP is the difference between mind body pain and localised pain like say, stubbing your toe. It was all one big mass of confusion how pain worked until recently. Now I can notice the intense emotional charge associated with more mind body pain. That's a win for me. When these body pains come on for me, I get emotions like intense anger / rage, or panic attacks etc. There's a separation now mentally that one is born of emotional baggage / trauma.
 
Mando said:
Now I can notice the intense emotional charge associated with more mind body pain.
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This is a great discovery! I think I’m going to try to notice this too, and see if I can feel this. it’s a really good example of how it all works.
 
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