Day 38 New Relationships and Response to Video

[Kiara]

Hmmm, to be honest I haven't formed many new relationships lately - except for people I've met online! I did recently do a Google Hangout with several people I know from a Facebook group, and it was wonderful as I haven't laughed so much for a LONG time!!

However, I am actually meeting a guy I met on a social networking website today. I made it clear that I just want to be friends, as I have some health issues and I'm unsure if I'm ready for dating. He seems nice enough so I want to step out of my comfort zone and make a new friend!

I also want to share my response to the video by Nicole Sachs, which was really powerful. It helped me to realise that I need to use "journal speak" and stop being so polite in my journals!! I'm often afraid to swear (even in writing) or say things like "I hate you!" but I'm learning that this is part of the process of letting go and releasing the rage. I started doing this a bit more in my journalling today, and it was confronting - but freeing too!

I shared this from my journal entry in the Myers-Briggs personality thread, but I wanted to share it here as it was part of my response to the journal question from Day 38:

"I do know that as an ENFP, I have a strong tendency to repress emotions because I prefer to be happy, cheerful and positive. I feel embarrassed when I am sad, angry or fearful. I don’t usually like showing that side of me! I guess people know me as being such a joyful person and I would prefer it that way… but deep down I know it’s not really the truth. I struggle with deep despair and sometimes I feel angry and frustrated that other people can’t see it. I don’t want to shatter their illusion."

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Laudisco, I hope the new person turns out to be a good one for you.

As for Sachs and "journal speak," write however strong you want. The journal is meant to be for your eyes only,
and I believe the more "straight talk" you write down, the better.

I think most people wear a happy face and it may hide inner trauma or despair.
Don't worry about shattering other people's illusion and be yourself.
I find it's often a lot easier to give people a smile instead of a frown, especially if they expect a smile from you.

A co-worker whom no one liked told me once that she noticed that whenever anyone chatted with me at my desk
they went away with a smile on their face. I liked that image of me. I'm not sure I gave off that smile image over
the years, but I generally do.

 

[Kiara]

Thanks for sharing Walt! Actually, it didn't work out and I didn't end up meeting the guy as he ended up having to stay at work later than usual. However, I felt good that I was willing to take a risk and do something different. That was an achievement and a step forward for me!

Yeah, I think it's tough to shatter people's illusion and be myself. I'm learning to do that more and be honest… I'm learning to be honest and tell people when I feel angry about something, which I used to find incredibly difficult. It's still hard, but I'm growing!