Hey, all. I'm new here, and my story is rather long, so I'll try to break it down by category to help people jump to the most pertinent parts.
History
I'm a longtime lurker here (as well as the old TMS Help forum) who is also a firm believer in TMS and Dr. Sarno's methods. At 42 years old now, I've had a slew of issues over the years that I've come to realize were TMS, probably most of which, I'm sorry to say, were after-the-fact. Despite this, however, my problem when facing an issue is always one of belief: Overcoming the idea that perhaps this time it really is structural.
I am a relatively fit person, exercising between 4 and 5 times a week. I used to exercise all 7 days a week, but I stopped this about 5 years ago when dealing with an issue with my right shoulder, which looking back now was very likely itself TMS. Nevertheless, due to my often times demanding exercise routines, I am constantly worried about overtraining and injuring myself. I didn't used to be this way, but after reaching my late thirties and experiencing some physical setbacks that I can't help but contribute to my age, I find it very hard now to break this self-destructive mindset.
Current Physical Issues
My two latest issues that have been plaguing me are my feet and, most recently, neck and shoulder pain. I've been dealing with the foot issues for close to 4 years now. It started with pain on the back of my left foot and on the outside of my right. The left foot was originally worse than the right, but now it's the other way around. The original pain in my left foot, too, is now gone, as is most of the pain on the outside of my right, but now both feet are painful to stand on for longer than a few minutes. I also have a feeling of tightness, tingling, or swelling on the bottoms of both feet (I honestly can't decide which it is), and the pad of my left foot feels as if I'm stepping on something when standing.
While these issues have been extremely frustrating for me, mainly due to having to curb a lot of my physical activity, I could at least get some relief when I sat or laid down. They also didn't cause me any real issues when sleeping at the end of the day. And so, because I wasn't suffering enough already, I guess, about 4 weeks ago, I started experiencing severe neck and left shoulder pain.
I'd had a bout of this pain, albeit to a much lesser degree, about a year or so ago when I tried to pick up bass guitar again after many years. I figured my posture must've been off or the bass too heavy, so I put it aside for a while. After a month or two, I was more or less healed. A few months ago, then, I decided to give it another go, and the pain slowly returned. Again, I stopped, but this time, the pain only got progressively worse.
I've now reached the point where I can't lay down on a flat surface with my head against the ground without being in extreme pain. Sitting and standing are also painful, although standing being the least uncomfortable position. I also can't sleep comfortably at night in virtually any position. Pain medications seem to do nothing, either. The pain is primarily on the left side of my neck near the back of my collar, and it radiates down into the back of my left shoulder and shoulder blade, and sometimes even down into my bicep at its worst. This pain ranges from burning, to cramping, to a feeling of pressure that presents as if my neck is about to explode.
Treatment
I saw many doctors about my feet at first, and I feel they only made the issue worse. I sometimes believe an off-hand, unrequested remark from a podiatrist's aide telling me that, "You walk on the outside of your feet, don't you?" is what triggered me into overthinking my walking mechanics and indeed created the very issues I'm dealing with today. But who really knows with a TMS'er like me?
Regardless, after the third podiatrist did nothing but take my money, I gave up on bothering with any more of them. I went to my GP a few more times for it, but to his credit, he admitted that he was pretty dumbfounded as to what the issue could be. I've treated myself the last several months by wearing shoes about 95% of day, as well as by limiting my time standing and doing other things on my feet, including exercise, which has been a huge blow to my ego.
As I've basically given up on any Western medicine now, I've seen no one about my neck in the four weeks or so since it's been bothering me. I've thought about seeing my GP this week for it, as he is a pretty good guy, but I don't expect him to do anything but to tell me to take it easy and prescribe some pain meds, then ask for me to come back in a few weeks. Seems pointless to me, and I just hate wasting time and money on this stuff anymore.
For myself, I've cut back on my exercising considerably the last few weeks. At first, I tried to muscle through the neck issue and not let it capture my attention, but as I've reached the point where I basically can't lay flat on the ground now, a lot of my exercises have just become impossible. As a result, I've relented to a couple of very simple calisthenics workouts a couple of times a week for now. I'm miserable because of it, but I figure I need to at least entertain the idea that I pulled or strained a muscle without immediately jumping to a TMS diagnosis and making something real worse. Again, the classic dilemma I'm pretty sure we all face, unfortunately.
Life Issues
I'm 42, which is probably in itself the biggest thing that causes me anger in my life. Quite frankly, I hate being this old. I never really imagined I'd make it this far. I wish I could go back to 30. Heck, while I'm wishing, I'll just say 25 and call it a day. Everything just gets harder as we get older, and I'd rather not have to anymore.
Compounding this, I am nowhere near in life where I ever wanted to be. I make good money, but I really don't like my job. Once upon a time, I wanted to go to Japan, teach, learn the language, and become a translator. But things fell through, I made mistakes, waited too long to go for certain things when the chances arose, and that ship has now long since sailed.
I recently got a promotion (applied to another position within the same company), thinking it would improve my outlook, but I think it only made things worse. For one thing, I miss my friends at my old job. I don't really fit in on my new team either, and after about 6 months, I've pretty much lost hope that I ever will. I also feel sort of useless here; like they hired me because they thought they'd eventually need someone on the team for this role, but there is very little for me to do for the time being, and what I can do, I'm virtually lost on most of the time. This is very difficult for someone who was (tooting my own horn here) arguably the most productive person in the office at my old position, and also someone most people in the room could turn to for help if they had a question themselves. It's just very stressful, and I spend almost every day at the office looking at the clock, counting down the minutes until I can leave.
I currently live with my parents, too. Honestly, I could easily afford my own place now, but I guess I just don't see the point. It's also hard to even fathom a move when I'm in constant pain. I told myself I would move out when my foot pain got better, and here we are. I've given up on dating, too, as I wanted to get married and settle down someday, and at this age, I can't see that ever happening. So what would be the point of moving out anyway, right?
That said, even though I get along with my parents, it's definitely a crowded environment. It also hurts me deep down, I think, seeing them getting older every day and knowing they won't be around for much longer (relatively speaking, anyway). And as I have no wife or kids of my own, I can't help by feel like I'm just going to be all alone soon.
Outlook
I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I've actively thought about just ending it all. The foot thing has really tortured me over the last 4 years or so, making someone who once felt like the fittest person in the room into now feeling like a closeted disabled person. Having to keep up the facade that I'm still healthy around most of my friends and coworkers, too, is a stresser in and of itself.
The neck and shoulder pain now, though, has only compounded my depression. I haven't had a good night's sleep in nearly a month, and my workouts are just hollow now. I'm in constant pain and get very little sense of fulfillment throughout the week. I'm on vacation this week, too, and as the pain has only gotten worse, I honestly don't know how I'm going to go back to sitting in front of a screen for 8 hours a day for a job I'm already having a hard time with, all the while pretending I'm doing just fine.
Questions for the Community
Has anyone here faced similar physical symptoms with either their feet or necks? Was it ultimately TMS? How am I supposed to get over these issues, short of laying in bed for the next month or two and quitting my job? If it is TMS, is there any hope I can get over these pains when I'm otherwise so miserable with my life?
Something, too, that's always sort of bothered me: In Steve Ozanich's book The Great Pain Deception (probably my favorite, most referenced TMS book), he talks a lot about the body's inability to heal when we're stressed and in a perpetual fight-or-flight response. This has always implied to me, then, that we do have a real injury that simply can't heal due to our stress levels. And as physical exercise, especially intense physically exercise like the kind I like to partake in, usually drives our stress levels up, wouldn't we have to cease these, both to allow a real injury to heal, as well as to put our bodies in an ideal state to help facilitate that healing? Just wondering if I've misread this part of the literature.
TL;DR
42-year-old male who's seen his share of TMS issues over the years, albeit usually in retrospect. I'm facing a years-long bout of feet pain, along with near-debilitating neck and shoulder pain now for the last 4 weeks. I have no idea how to come at healing from either of these issues anymore, either structurally or even with a TMS mindset. Short of quitting my job and sleeping all day for the next several months or longer, I honestly have no real hope of ever being out of pain at this point.
Any words of advice, encouragement, and inspiration would be extremely welcome. Thank you all.
History
I'm a longtime lurker here (as well as the old TMS Help forum) who is also a firm believer in TMS and Dr. Sarno's methods. At 42 years old now, I've had a slew of issues over the years that I've come to realize were TMS, probably most of which, I'm sorry to say, were after-the-fact. Despite this, however, my problem when facing an issue is always one of belief: Overcoming the idea that perhaps this time it really is structural.
I am a relatively fit person, exercising between 4 and 5 times a week. I used to exercise all 7 days a week, but I stopped this about 5 years ago when dealing with an issue with my right shoulder, which looking back now was very likely itself TMS. Nevertheless, due to my often times demanding exercise routines, I am constantly worried about overtraining and injuring myself. I didn't used to be this way, but after reaching my late thirties and experiencing some physical setbacks that I can't help but contribute to my age, I find it very hard now to break this self-destructive mindset.
Current Physical Issues
My two latest issues that have been plaguing me are my feet and, most recently, neck and shoulder pain. I've been dealing with the foot issues for close to 4 years now. It started with pain on the back of my left foot and on the outside of my right. The left foot was originally worse than the right, but now it's the other way around. The original pain in my left foot, too, is now gone, as is most of the pain on the outside of my right, but now both feet are painful to stand on for longer than a few minutes. I also have a feeling of tightness, tingling, or swelling on the bottoms of both feet (I honestly can't decide which it is), and the pad of my left foot feels as if I'm stepping on something when standing.
While these issues have been extremely frustrating for me, mainly due to having to curb a lot of my physical activity, I could at least get some relief when I sat or laid down. They also didn't cause me any real issues when sleeping at the end of the day. And so, because I wasn't suffering enough already, I guess, about 4 weeks ago, I started experiencing severe neck and left shoulder pain.
I'd had a bout of this pain, albeit to a much lesser degree, about a year or so ago when I tried to pick up bass guitar again after many years. I figured my posture must've been off or the bass too heavy, so I put it aside for a while. After a month or two, I was more or less healed. A few months ago, then, I decided to give it another go, and the pain slowly returned. Again, I stopped, but this time, the pain only got progressively worse.
I've now reached the point where I can't lay down on a flat surface with my head against the ground without being in extreme pain. Sitting and standing are also painful, although standing being the least uncomfortable position. I also can't sleep comfortably at night in virtually any position. Pain medications seem to do nothing, either. The pain is primarily on the left side of my neck near the back of my collar, and it radiates down into the back of my left shoulder and shoulder blade, and sometimes even down into my bicep at its worst. This pain ranges from burning, to cramping, to a feeling of pressure that presents as if my neck is about to explode.
Treatment
I saw many doctors about my feet at first, and I feel they only made the issue worse. I sometimes believe an off-hand, unrequested remark from a podiatrist's aide telling me that, "You walk on the outside of your feet, don't you?" is what triggered me into overthinking my walking mechanics and indeed created the very issues I'm dealing with today. But who really knows with a TMS'er like me?
Regardless, after the third podiatrist did nothing but take my money, I gave up on bothering with any more of them. I went to my GP a few more times for it, but to his credit, he admitted that he was pretty dumbfounded as to what the issue could be. I've treated myself the last several months by wearing shoes about 95% of day, as well as by limiting my time standing and doing other things on my feet, including exercise, which has been a huge blow to my ego.
As I've basically given up on any Western medicine now, I've seen no one about my neck in the four weeks or so since it's been bothering me. I've thought about seeing my GP this week for it, as he is a pretty good guy, but I don't expect him to do anything but to tell me to take it easy and prescribe some pain meds, then ask for me to come back in a few weeks. Seems pointless to me, and I just hate wasting time and money on this stuff anymore.
For myself, I've cut back on my exercising considerably the last few weeks. At first, I tried to muscle through the neck issue and not let it capture my attention, but as I've reached the point where I basically can't lay flat on the ground now, a lot of my exercises have just become impossible. As a result, I've relented to a couple of very simple calisthenics workouts a couple of times a week for now. I'm miserable because of it, but I figure I need to at least entertain the idea that I pulled or strained a muscle without immediately jumping to a TMS diagnosis and making something real worse. Again, the classic dilemma I'm pretty sure we all face, unfortunately.
Life Issues
I'm 42, which is probably in itself the biggest thing that causes me anger in my life. Quite frankly, I hate being this old. I never really imagined I'd make it this far. I wish I could go back to 30. Heck, while I'm wishing, I'll just say 25 and call it a day. Everything just gets harder as we get older, and I'd rather not have to anymore.
Compounding this, I am nowhere near in life where I ever wanted to be. I make good money, but I really don't like my job. Once upon a time, I wanted to go to Japan, teach, learn the language, and become a translator. But things fell through, I made mistakes, waited too long to go for certain things when the chances arose, and that ship has now long since sailed.
I recently got a promotion (applied to another position within the same company), thinking it would improve my outlook, but I think it only made things worse. For one thing, I miss my friends at my old job. I don't really fit in on my new team either, and after about 6 months, I've pretty much lost hope that I ever will. I also feel sort of useless here; like they hired me because they thought they'd eventually need someone on the team for this role, but there is very little for me to do for the time being, and what I can do, I'm virtually lost on most of the time. This is very difficult for someone who was (tooting my own horn here) arguably the most productive person in the office at my old position, and also someone most people in the room could turn to for help if they had a question themselves. It's just very stressful, and I spend almost every day at the office looking at the clock, counting down the minutes until I can leave.
I currently live with my parents, too. Honestly, I could easily afford my own place now, but I guess I just don't see the point. It's also hard to even fathom a move when I'm in constant pain. I told myself I would move out when my foot pain got better, and here we are. I've given up on dating, too, as I wanted to get married and settle down someday, and at this age, I can't see that ever happening. So what would be the point of moving out anyway, right?
That said, even though I get along with my parents, it's definitely a crowded environment. It also hurts me deep down, I think, seeing them getting older every day and knowing they won't be around for much longer (relatively speaking, anyway). And as I have no wife or kids of my own, I can't help by feel like I'm just going to be all alone soon.
Outlook
I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I've actively thought about just ending it all. The foot thing has really tortured me over the last 4 years or so, making someone who once felt like the fittest person in the room into now feeling like a closeted disabled person. Having to keep up the facade that I'm still healthy around most of my friends and coworkers, too, is a stresser in and of itself.
The neck and shoulder pain now, though, has only compounded my depression. I haven't had a good night's sleep in nearly a month, and my workouts are just hollow now. I'm in constant pain and get very little sense of fulfillment throughout the week. I'm on vacation this week, too, and as the pain has only gotten worse, I honestly don't know how I'm going to go back to sitting in front of a screen for 8 hours a day for a job I'm already having a hard time with, all the while pretending I'm doing just fine.
Questions for the Community
Has anyone here faced similar physical symptoms with either their feet or necks? Was it ultimately TMS? How am I supposed to get over these issues, short of laying in bed for the next month or two and quitting my job? If it is TMS, is there any hope I can get over these pains when I'm otherwise so miserable with my life?
Something, too, that's always sort of bothered me: In Steve Ozanich's book The Great Pain Deception (probably my favorite, most referenced TMS book), he talks a lot about the body's inability to heal when we're stressed and in a perpetual fight-or-flight response. This has always implied to me, then, that we do have a real injury that simply can't heal due to our stress levels. And as physical exercise, especially intense physically exercise like the kind I like to partake in, usually drives our stress levels up, wouldn't we have to cease these, both to allow a real injury to heal, as well as to put our bodies in an ideal state to help facilitate that healing? Just wondering if I've misread this part of the literature.
TL;DR
42-year-old male who's seen his share of TMS issues over the years, albeit usually in retrospect. I'm facing a years-long bout of feet pain, along with near-debilitating neck and shoulder pain now for the last 4 weeks. I have no idea how to come at healing from either of these issues anymore, either structurally or even with a TMS mindset. Short of quitting my job and sleeping all day for the next several months or longer, I honestly have no real hope of ever being out of pain at this point.
Any words of advice, encouragement, and inspiration would be extremely welcome. Thank you all.
