neurological symptoms, superscared

J

Johanneke35

New Member
Hi all,

I am new to this forum and to TMS in general. Also, English is not my native language so I apologize in advance for my grammar (and probably some Dutch autocorrect if I don't see it in time, lol).

For as long as I can remember I have health anxiety (hypochondria) I won't bore you with all the diseases I think I had, but it's a lot. Been to the ER at least a couple of times a year, with anxiety attacks or anything similar. My main symptoms usually were shortness of breath and pain in the heart area.

Since a couple of months those symptoms seem to have gone away (after having it checked out by a cardiologist, and accepting that nothing is wrong with my heart) but then a whole new chapter began:

may 2023:
had severe pain in my right calf; burning, stabbing pain in 1 specific place. Thought I was having trombose, so after a couple of visits to the dr (who didn't think it was actually trombose, he didnt see anything strange) I got it checked out by a specialist and nothing was wrong. The pain eventually went away, but then my upper right leg started to hurt, and I had some weakness in that leg. Could ignore it as I thought that maybe I did have some inflamation in that leg and it was still recovering or something. But then fast forward to:

july 2023:
As my right leg was still bothering me a little bit (not that nuch though) my right arm started to cramp a bit and I also noticed some weakness, and some loss of fine motoric skills. Also, the left side of my tongue seemed a bit crampy/paralised? Ofcouse I googled, and by the look of that I was def dying, so I was freaking out as I never did before.

Dr again didnt notice anything weird about me, other then me being completely freaked out. reflexes were normal, bloodwork normal. He send me to a neurologist anyway.

so, I went to the neurologist. Again, reflexes normal, all the other little tests (walk on heels etc) normal. So she send me home with 'probably FND'.
since nothing changed over the past few weeks I got an MRI, and will get the evaluation of that this thursday, so maybe I am a bit ahead of things. But since I found this forum a few weeks back (wishing, hoping that its TMS and not some scary neuro-shit) I have been wanting to join in here.

Not sure what I really want with this post, but I guess I am freaking out a bit more (uhm... understatement) now that my appointment is getting closer. Any tips on things I Can ask the neurologist? And what if she sticks with her initial diagnose? Guess I should really get into the TMS work then, right?

Pfff I just really, really hope that there is nothing 'really' wrong with me. Symptoms seem to flucuate a bit, however they are never really gone (especially the weakness in my right leg and arm en the weird tongue feeling, one day everything is worse than the other, but its always there). I have 3 small children and I am so scared that I... well, I cannot even type it but I guess you all can guess what I am afraid for.

Thanks voor reading, and good luck on all of your TMS journeys!
 
Welcome @Johanneke35, and thank you for the helpful introduction. I feel like you did an excellent job with the English, and it helps that you are obviously a good writer to begin with, unlike many native English speakers :D.

I have a very strong feeling that this is the right place for you, because your story has TMS written all over it. My advice would be to read The Divided Mind by Dr John Sarno if you can get it in Dutch, or perhaps his earlier book, The Mindbody Prescription. And get started on our free Structured Educational Program which is on the main tmswiki.org. No registration is needed. Just do one day at a time and don't worry if you only have time to do a few "Days" a week. The knowledge will come in time, as will the changes in your symptoms as you accept a different way of thinking and being.

You asked for advice about your visit with the neurologist. My answer is quite serious, although it may not be what you are looking for. I would ask him or her if all of your symptoms could be caused by living with a constantly high level of stress.

In 2018 (7 years after I started doing this work) I had to see a neurologist after a brief fainting episode and minor bump to the back of my head. The only thing they could find wrong at the time was low potassium (at the bottom of the normal range). I had in fact been feeling really shaky and unwell, suffering lack of sleep from a cough and a heat wave. I was not dehydrated, but I felt much better shortly after they made me drink a disgusting electrolyte solution. But they also made me get a CT scan and a full EEG, and a debrief with the neurologist, who said that my brain looked great (nice to hear at age 68). He asked if I had any questions, so I brought up my shaky hands and other neuro symptoms that I've had off and on for most of my life, but which I never had checked out because individually they did not seem significant. He agreed with me that my lifelong stress and anxiety would explain those symptoms. He assessed my shaky hands with some strength tests and said that he could diagnose me with Essential Tremor, but that ET is nothing to worry about - confirming what my instincts had told me all along.

Another book you will find incredibly helpful is Hope And Help For Your Nerves, by Claire Weekes. This little book has saved unknown thousands of people from the suffering that comes with extreme anxiety. I believe there are also some old video and audio recordings of her which people recommend. Dr Weekes died in the 1990s in her 90s, and wrote her book in 1969, and I think it's been translated into many languages.

Welcome to the forum, and let us know how it goes!
 
Functional neurological disorders (formerly conversion disorders) are very scary (pseudoseizures, for instance) but are harmless, because are just extreme manifestations of the TMS phenomenon. Please keep calm ....and meanwhile read Dr. Suzanne O'Sullivan .

https://www.theguardian.com/global/2018/apr/08/unravelling-the-mysteries-of-the-brain-suzanne-osullivan-neurologist-interview (Unravelling the mysteries of the brain: Suzanne O’Sullivan, neuro detective)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Its-All-Your-Head-Psychosomatic-ebook/dp/B00T5H3Y2K?ref_=ast_author_mpb
 
Thank you both for your replies, I will definately check the sources you both gave me! I am in bed now so just a short reply. Tomorrow I have my appointment, wrote down all my symptoms and worries (again) and I hope I can say the things I want to say, seems always harder when you actually sit across the specialist. Wish me luck :happy:
 
Hi, a little update from my visit to the neurologist. There were 3 tiny (yes, the report actually said tiny) lesions in my brain, however they do not explain my symptoms, because they are in a different area? So she was a bit confused, and wants to do more testing (spinal MRI, and a lumbal punction, not looking forward to that...) so I guess she is thinking maybe its MS.. I asked her and she said it could still be a lot of things, including MS. She doesnt really think its (only) FND because of the lesions, but she did say it could be partial FND since the symptoms dont match with the areas in the brain...

So I am also a bit confused.. MS or FND(tms) or both... or maybe something completely different. I do feel very calm and relaxed since the visit, so thats a bonus I guess

I will keep you updated, and for now continue to stay calm, enjoy my kids and take everything one day at a time. (And google to search for stories of people with lesions which turned out to be nothing.. and than probably find the exact opposite so I have a reason to freak out again... old habit )
 
Hi everyone, I am back with an update. Spine MRI and lumbar punction didnt show anything abnormal, so the neurologist dismissed me saying she could not find anything wrong with me. Was very happy with that message for a while, however my symptoms have not disappeared, even though I am not that anxious anymore. So now I am starting to get anxious again since my symptoms wont go away, still feel weak on the total right side of my body, even feel like there is some atrophy, especially in my shoulder, which scares the heck out of me. When I compare my symptoms with how it was last summer it has definately improved (could barely stand on my feet, needed something to hold on to in order to prevent myself from falling) but the weakness (right side arm leg and torso) is still there and doesnt improve any further. Been reading and journalling a lot and I feel as I am stuck and am this close to calling the neurologist again..
In need of some reassurance..
 
@Johanneke35
Symptoms will return until you do TMS work. It is not enough to acknowledge tms and ignore symptoms.
Symptoms are a signal if internal emotional issues, overall anxiety - things we do not even realize are happening in us. Above, @JanAtheCPA told you about the free program. Are you doing this?
 
@Cactusflower thank you so much for your reply, and I almost feel ashamed but no I am not doing the program. My journalling is very random and I dont feel like I have enough time to work on this on a daily base. But ofcourse I should make time for it. I am a stay at home mom of 3 young children and they ofcourse keep me very busy, so I tend to forget to make time for myself. But they also need a happy and healthy mom. So, yes, you are right, I will start with the program!
 
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