Need advice - big obstacle that I think I fully realized for first time today

Hey guys as I’ve said in my other posts I’ve had a LOT of weird crazy symptoms in the last year (read my other posts for more background on those) and I feel like I’m very close to ready to dive into fully accepting all of it as TMS and trying to treat it as such. But there’s been a big roadblock in the way of me feeling 100% ready to try this, and I think I only fully realized what it was today:

two of my weird symptoms are at odds with each other. I got hyperacusis first (pain/sensitivity to loud noise) and then about 6 months later started having weird unexplained back and pelvis pain. I got x-rays done for my back and it didn’t show much of anything weird, and I got labs done to check for inflammatory issues and those were fine too. But most people kept stressing to me that an MRI would be what would REALLY show if anything was wrong with my back/pelvis. At first I was avoiding the MRI, pushed it back 3 times and then eventually cancelled it out of fear for my ears. My back didn’t seem to be getting any worse so I thought I could just drop the idea of the MRI and focus on treating my symptoms the TMS way.

Then a couple weeks ago I tried to drag a heavy cabinet and felt what felt like a painful muscle strain/pull in the right side of my lower back and it’s stayed around since then. Since then, if I bend down without bending my knees (think of a “bow” motion) I get pain in that same spot, followed by pain on my left side (and only my left side) in the area where my leg meets my crotch, and sore abs. If I don’t bend down like that I have little to no pain, but once I do it starts hurting like that.

Anyways, it sounds weird but this made me realize what I think has been REALLY keeping me from fully accepting/diving into TMS: I never got an MRI to fully see what all is going on in there. And I’m the type of person who can’t STAND not knowing the answer to something I really want to know. It’s going to be a lot more difficult for me to accept it as TMS and do the exercises to the fullest if I don’t get the MRI. I want to see a TMS specialist and I’m concerned they will say the same thing too. I know in the end the real decision comes down to me but I’m just looking for some support/encouragement because I feel stuck in a potentially lose-lose situation (IF things go wrong). Here’s how I’ve been weighing the pros and cons:

In favor of not doing the MRI:

-I spent a lot of time on the hyperacusis subreddit and saw a lot of people whose ears flared up (some of them seemingly permanently) from exposure to loud noise

-I’m a college student who’s graduating next semester and would LIKE to be able to walk across the stage and be at the graduation ceremony in-person, which I might not be able to do IF my ears get worse

In favor of doing the MRI:

-I tried to do the MRI back in July (with muffs on) but chickened out after the first 10 minutes out of fear that it would cause my ears to flare up. They never did, which really surprised me

-in practice/real life, putting aside other ppl’s experiences, my own ears have been feeling better since January despite having been exposed to a lot of other very loud noises, sometimes being exposed to many very loud sounds in a row. I still get flare ups but they don’t last for weeks like they seemed to in the beginning. None of the noises I’ve been exposed to have had a genuinely lasting effect so far (knock on wood)

-I don’t know how much it will help but I will be able to wear muffs again and also take a sedative (note on the side: earmuffs don’t work as well for ppl with this condition as you would think, but they ARE a lot better than wearing nothing but plugs)

-I think it will be a win win as far as the MRI itself: if it shows something, I should probably still be able to do the TMS exercises (considering how many stories there are of this working for people with legit stuff showing up on back MRIs). If it doesn’t show anything then it means I can DEFINITELY do the TMS exercises

-if something does show up it’ll also give people (my family, work, etc) valid proof not to push me to do anything that hurts (I know part of this whole process is pushing yourself past discomfort but it’s different when it’s me choosing to vs ANY situation where other people are peer pressuring me to bc they insist nothing could possibly be hurting me)

-I’m only 24, the only other option besides NOT doing the MRI is to keep living like this indefinitely because I can’t help myself if I don’t know what’s going on with me. I can’t exercise or do any physical activity at all besides walking, not even bending over. The thought specifically of having to just keep working around this while never knowing what it is that’s causing it, is something I can’t stand. (And yes I would consider the MRI show ing nothing to be an answer too, for obvious reasons)

-the hyperacusis might be a TMS symptom too that MIGHT stop/lessen once I start the TMS program.

One other thing I want to note is that of the people on the hyperacusis forums who recovered, a HUGE percentage of them did it by taking clomipramine - which is an OCD medicine that works on your nervous system. I haven’t seen one person who recovered by getting something physical like surgery done (and yes, I saw some ppl try some crazy things like getting their ear nerves severed. They all said the same thing: they thought it worked at first but it was always only temporary. One dude got himself surgically deafened, but the pain only stopped once he started taking the OCD drug). This gives me a bit of a hunch that this might be a TMS-like condition where the problem is your brain creating pain.

Again I’m not looking for anyone to decide for me what I should do, I’m just looking for thoughts and/or support and/or encouragement would be much appreciated

 

The general advice on these forums is that it’s important to get a thorough medical evaluation before concluding that symptoms are solely due to TMS. From what I’ve seen, you have already weighed most of the pros and cons of having an MRI versus not having one quite comprehensively.

One thing I’d add is that MRIs often detect things that aren’t actually cause for concern, but if you tend to be anxious, your mind might fixate on those findings. For example, I had a scan once because of suspected gallstones—the scan confirmed that, but it also showed a small cyst on my liver. Usually, liver cysts remain benign, but there’s a slight chance they can become problematic. Fortunately, I don’t dwell on that.

Also, sometimes MRIs reveal degenerative changes that can sound alarming but are actually quite normal for many people. For instance, when I was in my late 20s, an MRI showed my lumbar discs had thinned and "dried out", which was supposedly causing my lower back pain—but such changes can be normal even in healthy young adults, and actually the pain I had been experiencing was mind/body/TMS (because it went away from mind/body/TMS work, which I was doing for a whole myriad of mind/body/TMS symptoms).

If you decide to proceed with the MRI, consider using earplugs along with headphones or earmuffs to help protect your ears.

When I have MRIs (which is every six months for a reason that isn't relevant here), I don't recoil from the clanking sounds. Instead, I close my eyes and meditate on them to stay calm.

Ultimately, I’d encourage you to ask yourself honestly what you most want our advice to be—often, the answer lies in that reflection.

Yes. See this success story https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/a-physicians-tms-story-rsi-hyperacusis-and-much-more.7658/