Hey beachgirl, I wonder how you are doing by now. I have posted here about hairloss myself. I recognize a lot in your story. I used to have an eating disorder too!
The hairloss started after I quitted the bc pill that I had taken for many many years. Nothing helped, so I started taking it again. Eventually I had to stop again because of migraine. Then the hair started to fall out again. My long wavy hair gradually (but quickly) turned into some thin strings of hair. With the new growing short hairs on top. But even the new short hairs were falling out. At some point I cut my hair short. It looked good but I never really felt like myself with short hair. I couldnt grow it long again because the cycle of growing was just a few months and then the hair would fall out again.
Until my pregnancy; my hair started to grow quickly and the hairloss stopped. It made me incredibly happy! My hair was long and curly again... until the hairloss started once more.
I found myself desperately googeling for solutions last week when I suddenly remembered this could be TMS. Maybe it has started as a hormonal fluctuation, but I suspect that many of the TMS things that I’ve had started out as something physical. The body’s power to heal is extraordinary. A broken leg heals within 6 weeks. I have a healthy body. There was never a deficiency or structural abnormality found by aaaaalll those doctors I’ve seen. Very frustrating, but actually, looking at it from a TMS point of view, very reassuring.
So, now I find myself again... looking in the mirror, sad abt the hair. Now realizing it is probably TMS. Hair loss is normal after a pregnancy. But it should restore and go back to normal.
I separated from my husband 3 months ago. With a 1,5 year little girl. I haven’t had time to process or really feel the emotions around this. Yesterday when I wondered, gosh, what am I not feeling that causes this TMS. A flood of tears came out. The pain that he couldn’t love me the way I hoped he would (one day) love me. 12 years I have waited for that and it never happened. After the break up he told me he didnt find me attractive when i was heavier. And he told me he had had an affair of 4 months just after I moved in with him. And he cheated on me an other time.
And now we raise our daughter seperately. In harmony and with love, so I am OK. But I do have some emotions to process. And the fear that nobody will ever love me in this deep way that I loved him. The fear that the new relationship that i’ve started won’t be like that either. The fear that this new man will not be attracted to me with thinning hair, that he will cheat on me too. Interesting enough he has the thickest hair I have ever seen or felt on a person (even when he’s 50!).
So, that’s my story. Hair for women is so key for self esteem. Not looking at my hair in the mirror is impossible. I would look like a lunatic without doing my hair. It is a short look with long strands of hair under it. I need to put it up. So, the subconscious chose it well as the new TMS spot (ouch! Stop it already, I don’t believe it anymore!!)
Have you tried a flip in hair piece? Balmain has several clip in options too. I am looking into extensions (hair weaving). While I deal with the TMS it would be good to have a solution that makes me OK with the hair as it is right now...