I’m not sure when my TMS started, I remember being anxious as a child and having anxiety as a teenager, although I didn’t know what it was at that time. I had a tough childhood, moving around lots, eventually moving to a new country where I couldn’t speak the language. I struggled with constantly having to make new friends and fit in. I also had an abusive step-father who drank way too much and wasn’t much of a father.
I remember one very stressful time as a teenager when I probably had what I would now call a panic attack. Subsequently in my early 20s I developed tinnitus, looking back that was another very stressful time. A few years later I had a very bad motorbike crash where I fractured vertebra in my back and also suffered a bunch of internal and external injuries. This began a long journey of chronic back pain that really seemed unbearable at times.
I also had neck and shoulder pain. As well as bouts of knee and other assorted pains that I always attributed to physical causes. I feel like I single handedly kept my local physio and chiropractor in business. I also had some strange illnesses that resulted in long periods of fatigue.
About 10 years ago I develop intense lower back pain and sciatica. With the aid of the internet I discovered John Sarno’s work, and after reading his books I began the journey of overcoming my back pain. I did all the work looking at internal suppressed emotions and rage, there was a lot there! In the space of a couple of years I pretty well overcame all my problems. For me overcoming my pain came with really accepting that my body is strong, healthy, self-healing and accepting rather than fighting or worrying about the symptoms. This was not easy and took a lot of work.
So why am I here now. Thinking I was past TMS a few years ago I developed some new and completely unexpected problems. It was only after much stress that I recognised that at least part of my new problems are TMS and that I did not fully deal with the causes of my TMS. Like some others I have now come to realise that TMS is not only a distraction from internal emotions, but also the result of some flawed learned thinking patterns. I tend to be anxious, perfectionist, worry a lot and ultimately this resulted in some new problems.
Some things that I have learnt about myself so far: Repressed emotions and rage are only part of the TMS story, you have to watch and change your thinking, in my case hyper-vigilance and catastrophising. TMS is not life limiting but it’s also something that is always part of you and has to be managed.
I am confident that I will overcome my new problems, in some ways it almost feels like this is part of finishing a personal journey. I have learnt a lot through TMS and it hasn’t all been bad.
There is a question at the start of the Structured Education Program that really troubled me and that I don't feel I really answered, “What would a life without TMS mean to you?”. As I struggle to answer this I can see how much TMS is a part of me and I am a part of it. The next step for me is at least in part being able to answer this and truly know what it would feel like to not have TMS.
I remember one very stressful time as a teenager when I probably had what I would now call a panic attack. Subsequently in my early 20s I developed tinnitus, looking back that was another very stressful time. A few years later I had a very bad motorbike crash where I fractured vertebra in my back and also suffered a bunch of internal and external injuries. This began a long journey of chronic back pain that really seemed unbearable at times.
I also had neck and shoulder pain. As well as bouts of knee and other assorted pains that I always attributed to physical causes. I feel like I single handedly kept my local physio and chiropractor in business. I also had some strange illnesses that resulted in long periods of fatigue.
About 10 years ago I develop intense lower back pain and sciatica. With the aid of the internet I discovered John Sarno’s work, and after reading his books I began the journey of overcoming my back pain. I did all the work looking at internal suppressed emotions and rage, there was a lot there! In the space of a couple of years I pretty well overcame all my problems. For me overcoming my pain came with really accepting that my body is strong, healthy, self-healing and accepting rather than fighting or worrying about the symptoms. This was not easy and took a lot of work.
So why am I here now. Thinking I was past TMS a few years ago I developed some new and completely unexpected problems. It was only after much stress that I recognised that at least part of my new problems are TMS and that I did not fully deal with the causes of my TMS. Like some others I have now come to realise that TMS is not only a distraction from internal emotions, but also the result of some flawed learned thinking patterns. I tend to be anxious, perfectionist, worry a lot and ultimately this resulted in some new problems.
Some things that I have learnt about myself so far: Repressed emotions and rage are only part of the TMS story, you have to watch and change your thinking, in my case hyper-vigilance and catastrophising. TMS is not life limiting but it’s also something that is always part of you and has to be managed.
I am confident that I will overcome my new problems, in some ways it almost feels like this is part of finishing a personal journey. I have learnt a lot through TMS and it hasn’t all been bad.
There is a question at the start of the Structured Education Program that really troubled me and that I don't feel I really answered, “What would a life without TMS mean to you?”. As I struggle to answer this I can see how much TMS is a part of me and I am a part of it. The next step for me is at least in part being able to answer this and truly know what it would feel like to not have TMS.
I think for me all of the anxiety stuff is just another way to not deal with the underlying emotions. And then also anxious thinking can become almost a habit.
