Day 8 My Story So Far

[Jimmy McGill]

I'm a middle aged partner at a small law firm with offices in two different cities. The stress and responsibility are overwhelming at times but I love what I do.

I started having chronic lower back pain in my second year of law school (2010). Through recent psychotherapy I made the connection that the chronic pain started around the time my Father died from complications of a stroke.

In March of 2017, after years of unrelenting chronic lower back pain. After having tried, PT, chiropractic care, Pharmaceuticals, heat and ice, topical gels and creams, nutrition supplements, electromagnetic stimulation, Yoga, MRIs, and epidurals. Nothing seemed to give me more than momentary and fleeting relief. I came across Doctor Sarno's audio book "Healing Back Pain". The book spoke to me and it's logic passed my skeptical scrutiny. Like a miracle my back pain disappeared by about 95% in a matter of days after listening to the audio book. I used to take over the counter pain relievers with every meal for the last 7 years. After listening to the Audiobook, I no longer needed the pain relievers and stopped taking them. I couldn't believe the results I was having.

Unfortunately, on a business trip about 5 weeks ago, I woke up in a hotel room with moderate to sever pain in my lower back. The chronic lower back pain returned. Although, occasionally, for a day or two, the pain will jump to a different part of my body (shoulder, foot, or knee) and then return to my lower back. I proceeded to listen to Sarno's latest book, "The Divided Mind". The part (I'm paraphrasing) where he notes that people that still have pain after reading the book need to avail themselves to a structured program. I'm on Day 8 of the program and the pain is still here.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Jimmy. You've probably read in Dr. Sarno or heard on his video that TMS pain often moves around.
It is a sign that your subconscious mind wants you to discover more emotional causes of your pain. This can come about through journaling in the SEProgram. I discovered repressed emotions going back to my boyhood when my parents divorced when I was seven. I felt abandoned and insecure. I was able to understand them better and forgave them (in my heart, because by then they had both died).

I'm not saying your pain definitely comes from repressed emotions, because pain also can come from being a perfectionist and wanting to be liked by everyone all the time. You're going to be free of pain through your belief in TMS.

 

[Jimmy McGill]

Thank you for your response, insights, and support. Please keep them coming. I am aware of how the pain jumps around which is further evidence that the pain I experience is not structural. I've been hitting the journals really hard and connecting to a lot suppressed emotions. My Father's death is a big one for me in terms of sorrow. He died at a relatively early age. When it comes to my Mother - repressed rage. I blame my Mother for contributing to my Father's death and it kills me that he died before seeing me change my ways and succeeding in life. I had a powerful dream about that the other night. When I was discussing the dream with my therapist I broke down and cried for the first time in 2 and 1/2 years of weekly psychotherapy. I also noticed my TMS acts up in several different areas of my body in times of great stress and reduces when things aren't as stressful. Again that leads to me believe that what's going on is more than a physical and structural injury. I don't know if my pain will ever go away but I definitely think I'm on the right track to some kind of significant self-healing. Even if it's only diminishing the everyday impact of my subconscious wounds. This journey will be well worth it.