My story and need help to maintain direction

K

Kraynor

Newcomer
Hi-
I have been dealing with left buttock and low back pain for almost exactly 1 year (started last April while riding my horse). For a year I did MRI's, ct scan (showed transitional vertebrae on left with some boney remodeling of that and the SI of the left). I'm 34 now but had surgery at L4-5 when I was 21 with no improvement. Chiro helped me at that point. I have in the past year done numerous visits to chiro, massage, acupuncture, 2 radiofrequency ablations, prolotherapy, nerve blocks with steroids and NOTHING has improved the pain (doctors suspect sacroiliac dysfunction worsened by lossening of ligaments). Opioids don't touch the pain but ibuprofen allowed me to function daily. I rode and competed my horse all last year and I worked my very physical job.

December of this year, I found out I was pregnant and had to stop all meds.... that was a real eye opener. I am struggling hard now to just get through every day. I can't sit, standing and walking has now become unbearable. I can lay flat and after about 5-10 minutes the pain usually subsides.

I can take Tylenol but it doesn't help. I read both Sarnos books this week and I have swam daily. I removed my back brace, haven't taken Tylenol this week and constantly am trying to handle the mind aspect of what I believe to be TMS. I have felt very anxious this entire week since learning all about this technique. When I think about it I can feel the tension within my back and I try to make it relax once I'm aware.

The pain level is still the same if not a bit more increased since starting stronger exercise this week and not having any of my normal support stuff (Tylenol, si belt stretching etc) While swimming is fine while I'm in the pool, the minute I go back on land it's debilitating, I can barely walk to get to the changing room and drive myself home.

I want to have a healthy pregnancy and be happy about it but I'm miserable every second of the day. I'm going to need to go on short term disability as I'm an equine vet and not being able to stand for any period of time has really restricted my capabilities, as well as its quite unsafe to not be agile.

How do I work through the severe pain while standing up to get through it? I can mentally relax much more while on my back without the constant sharpness. Not sure where to go from here


HELP ME!!!
 
Oh, I completely understand! Right now, I'm dealing with the symptom imperative with left arm muscle spasms and popping that is excruciating when I move it wrong. This has been going on two months now. I can't raise it, put it out to the side, or around my back. I know one of the very helpful and supportive beloved eagles or peer supporters will come on and give us advice. I just wanted to let you know, you are NOT alone. Congrats on your pregnancy and wishing you well and gentle (((( HUGS)))) welcomea
 
Welcome! All I know is when I was is horrible pain, reading Sarno at first only gave me a small amount of relief for a few days. But it made me realize there definitely was a mindbody connection. So even though some people have quick healing responses to just reading the books, sometimes healing journeys take slower, more circuitous paths. I don't want to be discouraging, but just realistic. So don't be hard on yourself if your body needs a little more time to process everything. I learned I really had to listen to my body and slow down. It took me a long time to come to that realization but once I slowed down and started digging into my past emotional traumas, then my body started letting go of the pain. Just trust that your body is telling you what you need to hear, and sometimes other things to supplement reading may be needed. For me, mindbody-based myofasial release bodywork helped me discover my hidden emotions. Then, reading more Sarno, Brady, Ozanich's had more of an effect than the first time I read Sarno. Best of luck to you!!! I know how awful debilitating pain can be!! But your mind and body can move forward and get beyond this terrible pain. (If you want to read about my story and all the things that have helped me, see my website: www.healingfromchronicpain.com.)
 
Kraynor said:
Hi-
I have been dealing with left buttock and low back pain for almost exactly 1 year (started last April while riding my horse). For a year I did MRI's, ct scan (showed transitional vertebrae on left with some boney remodeling of that and the SI of the left). I'm 34 now but had surgery at L4-5 when I was 21 with no improvement. Chiro helped me at that point. I have in the past year done numerous visits to chiro, massage, acupuncture, 2 radiofrequency ablations, prolotherapy, nerve blocks with steroids and NOTHING has improved the pain (doctors suspect sacroiliac dysfunction worsened by lossening of ligaments). Opioids don't touch the pain but ibuprofen allowed me to function daily. I rode and competed my horse all last year and I worked my very physical job.

December of this year, I found out I was pregnant and had to stop all meds.... that was a real eye opener. I am struggling hard now to just get through every day. I can't sit, standing and walking has now become unbearable. I can lay flat and after about 5-10 minutes the pain usually subsides.

I can take Tylenol but it doesn't help. I read both Sarnos books this week and I have swam daily. I removed my back brace, haven't taken Tylenol this week and constantly am trying to handle the mind aspect of what I believe to be TMS. I have felt very anxious this entire week since learning all about this technique. When I think about it I can feel the tension within my back and I try to make it relax once I'm aware.

The pain level is still the same if not a bit more increased since starting stronger exercise this week and not having any of my normal support stuff (Tylenol, si belt stretching etc) While swimming is fine while I'm in the pool, the minute I go back on land it's debilitating, I can barely walk to get to the changing room and drive myself home.

I want to have a healthy pregnancy and be happy about it but I'm miserable every second of the day. I'm going to need to go on short term disability as I'm an equine vet and not being able to stand for any period of time has really restricted my capabilities, as well as its quite unsafe to not be agile.

How do I work through the severe pain while standing up to get through it? I can mentally relax much more while on my back without the constant sharpness. Not sure where to go from here


HELP ME!!!
Click to expand...
Kraynor,

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing so much pain right now. In order to give advice, it would be helpful to know what TMS treatment approaches you are using. Are you participating in a structured program, like the Structured Education Program (free on this site) or Dr. Schubiner's Unlearn Your Pain? And read/listen to Alan Gordon's Recovery Program on this site, especially the section on Outcome Independence. If not, I highly recommend this. What TMS books have you read? It's good to read one daily, and listening to Dr. Sarno's audio book Healing Back Pain every day is very helpful. Some people seek out the help of a TMS therapist. Oh, and read the Success Stories available on this Forum.

You can become pain free if you have TMS, but it takes patience and persistence. Let us know more information, so we can support you.

Best wishes.......
 
HI-
Thanks for the replies!
I've read healing back pain and the mind/body prescription(I thought they were both very similar so I'd suggest reading one or the other). I've started the structured education daily (on day 8 currently). I can't sit without excruciating pain so "journaling" is hard to initiate. Instead I think about my answers instead of writing them down... I suppose I could journal while laying down?
I also read the posts by others, but find myself getting upset and comparing myself to others. If people say it happened after reading the book only or took 1 year then I get really discouraged.
The other thing I think of constantly is what if. What if this pain is exaggerated by pregnancy and I'm doing it the wrong way? I haven't gotten better in 8 days, I've gotten worse so it is very hard to be positive. I'm hoping all of what people write on here are real and can really happen.
 
You're in a panic, which I completely understand. I don't think the pregnancy will make anything worse. Perhaps see it as an opportunity to prove to yourself that you don't need painkillers, etc. Your fear of the "what if" is causing your pain to increase. Don't be hard on yourself about this. Many of us go through the same thing.

Here is something that works for me to decrease the pain: Imagine that there is a dial, like on a timer, and it's internally attached right where you hurt most. Breathe, pretend you are turning the dial from 9 to 8, Breathe, turn it from 8 to 7, continue to do this…imagining turning down the fear. As the fear turns down, the pain goes down too.

It's an easy thing to imagine. Also, you don't have to "be positive." You can cry your eyes out. You don't need the stress of "trying to be" anything. You're going to get there.
 
Kraynor said:
HI-
Thanks for the replies!
I've read healing back pain and the mind/body prescription(I thought they were both very similar so I'd suggest reading one or the other). I've started the structured education daily (on day 8 currently). I can't sit without excruciating pain so "journaling" is hard to initiate. Instead I think about my answers instead of writing them down... I suppose I could journal while laying down?
I also read the posts by others, but find myself getting upset and comparing myself to others. If people say it happened after reading the book only or took 1 year then I get really discouraged.
The other thing I think of constantly is what if. What if this pain is exaggerated by pregnancy and I'm doing it the wrong way? I haven't gotten better in 8 days, I've gotten worse so it is very hard to be positive. I'm hoping all of what people write on here are real and can really happen.
Click to expand...
The reading may seem repetitive, but it is recommended to read about TMS daily in the early stages of recovery. Sarno states that knowledge is the penicillin for TMS. Inundate your brain with the knowledge penicillin, and it will eventually sink into the unconscious. I found that listening to the audio book of Healing Back Pain very helpful at first. I listened every night before falling asleep.

When symptoms occur, Dr. Schubiner recommends doing the following:
  • Take a deep breath
  • Remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with your body and you are healthy
  • Remind yourself that the symptoms are just a way of warning about underlying difficult emotions
  • Talk to your brain, and say something like "Stop it brain! You don't need to produce symptoms. I am willing to look at my emotions."
  • Take a few more deep breaths
I think it is good to write down your thoughts and feelings, rather than just thinking about them. Some feel that writing serves as a way to create a little distance from your thoughts/feelings which can make it easier to accept them. Though some people recover without ever journaling.

You didn't mention if this is your first pregnancy. Expecting a child can bring up many issues, especially those related to our own childhood and upbringing. I'd suggest exploring this.

Congratulations on this exciting stage of your life. You are on the right path, and recovery from chronic pain is possible. There is no reason why you can't be a success story. Hang in there. Keep doing the SEP and reading.
 
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