Day 8 My Quick Update

[gry0]

I finished the first week of the SEP, and began journaling. Things have been going OK, and my main chronic pain & tightness issue (hip/psoas) has definitely decreased. However, my right shoulder has been incredibly sore after my first day of yoga this past weekend. Like I mentioned in my Day 3 post (http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/back-to-exercise.9488/) there was a pose in yoga class where I had to put my arms behind my back and touch palms (like a behind-the-back prayer). Internally rotating my shoulder so far generated a huge ache and I physically grimaced in pain. Since then it has been pretty sore, but only in certain positions. When walking I can feel a sort of clicking, almost like the muscles are tight and moving against bone, although that's not happening as of today.

I really want to believe that this (the shoulder) is TMS, but I just can't commit to it 100%. I hope it is, and I hope that it doesn't happen again (this has happened in the past). I guess that I need confirmation that this kind of sudden intense pain during specific movement and resulting tightness can occur as a TMS symptom. So, please, if anyone has information about a TMS patient that has had similar symptoms, please let me know.

Other than the shoulder, journaling was interesting. I wrote about two events, so far, in my childhood and college years that I thought may have affected me. I felt good after writing, but I don't think there were any major breakthroughs. The best feeling so far has been the immediate relief felt after letting myself feel sad. It's like as soon as my eyes get "soft" I feel a huge wave of relaxation in my hip musculature - which is awesome. Sadness is definitely something I don't let myself feel most, if not all, of the time. I feel like I'm supposed to be the rock or tough guy for my wife/friends/family/etc. Crying is definitely not something that happens very often.

That's my update for now!

-gry0

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Gi, gryO. I can't say I had the same thing happen, intense pain during or after a certain movement, but I think that is pretty common. You may just not have used that muscle enough before. Maybe try doing the same exercise again, slowly, and gradually see what happens.

You need to let up on yourself being the rock everyone depends on. Toss the ball to others and let them get used to being their own "tough guy."

It does sound like you are coming along fine in the SEP and your pain is decreasing. You also need to work on increasing your belief in TMS, that it is causing your pain. It is one of the hardest things in TMS to believe it 100 percent. Many people heal 90 percent but are still 10 percent in pain.
When in pain, tell yourself "It's just TMS, psychological. Nothing structural is wrong with me."

Men usually don't feel comfortable crying. But it is a very good release. I don't cry often, but often I do tell himself that any pain or worry is "Just a piece of xxxx" and that seems to help. Then I laugh at it.

 

[gry0]

Thanks for the reply, Walt. I'm definitely not comfortable crying in front of anyone, and showing my sadness doesn't come naturally to me, so that's something I can work on through the program/journaling.

So, maybe the shoulder strain or whatever it was is caused by muscles being tight. Maybe they are tight because of TMS in the first place, or from all-day, every-day computer work (my mouse arm). I don't know. This is another part I'm struggling with. But the current shoulder pain doesn't feel like TMS pain - it feels like a muscle strain. Maybe the root cause is TMS causing tightness. This is confusing, because I can't contribute the current shoulder pain to TMS with 100% certainty. If stretching, like was suggested, helps the issue then wasn't it just a movement restriction or mobility issue in the first place? I honestly feel ignorant just labeling it as TMS.

It's also sort of worrying that I am 100% sure my chronic hip pain is TMS, but I still have definite doubts about my shoulder.