Day 1 My journey so far

Hi, my name is Robin and I’m 21 years old. I’ve had chronic symptoms for more than 2 years now. It started when I was really obsessed with composing and I would spend many hours behind my piano and my laptop with a really bad posture and developed RSI. At first I didn’t think much of it and continued to push through the pain but it started to get worse so I went to a physio. They told me to do stretches and strengthening and work on my core. I have to admit I wasn’t super disciplined with doing these exercises every day and I continued to compose on my computer with pain. My perfectionism and obsession caused me to really push myself to the point of having a lot of pain. I also enrolled into music school and felt extremely stressful about how to do that with broken arms. I took a break from writing music until school began hoping it’d be over by then. It only got worse. When school started it wasn’t yet over and I had to return to working on my computer and playing piano. I tried for a few months but I had to quit because I was in too much pain. I then went to multiple doctors who all told me to do different things. The pain started spreading up my arms into my shoulders and eventually my entire upper body was hurting, and my skin felt like it had a sunburn. I also started having a lot of pain in my neck at random times. I then went to the gym 5 days a week and started rock climbing thinking I just need to get stronger. At first it was fine and I really enjoyed going to the gym but eventually it started to hurt and I had to quit. I eventually also had to quit my side job because lifting boxes and using my arms hurt too much. I’ve struggled with depression before but it was never as bad as it had gotten at this point. I started hating myself thinking about how I could’ve prevented this and how I wish I was dead. I became afraid to use my arms so I started running a lot, but after a while my legs started hurting more and more and I started running less and less. I also started having random muscle spasms in my arms and legs and my jaw also started hurting randomly. Waking up felt like getting random shocks through my body while ants are crawling on my skin. Then a neurologist told me to visit a psychosomatic therapist and she explained to me how my pain was just because of an over protective brain. I didn't really understand how this would help me get rid of my pain, but I started researching about neuroplastic pain. I then read the books by Sarno and Schubiner and I could recognise myself in some of the traits. I’ve always been a very anxious person , always had stomach aches growing up. And I’ve also always struggled with low self esteem. There’s also a lot of stress in my family which has also played a role. In this time I’ve gotten fearful of doing many activities and i I’m 100% certain my pain is TMS but I’m not completely sure yet if I can get rid of the pain, since I’ve known about TMS for a while but so far I haven’t been able to get rid of it. I’ve always had problems with discipline and motivation , but I’ve decided to do the 42 day program and keep posting as a motivation to keep going. I’m not gonna give up.

 

The fact that a medical doctor told you this is a godsend. Many of us were not lucky to have a mainstream medical doctor so openminded about Mind Body medicine. You are in the right place and the SEP is where I started as well. Take you time, don't put pressure on yourself to heal, and really open yourself up during the journaling portions. You will learn more about yourself during this program!

This is the attitude to have. Just keep on moving forward at a comfortable pace during the SEP program. You can do it!