My hardest struggle right now…

The thing I’m struggling with the most right now is doing things despite the pain/discomfort. I’m trying not to focus on my symptoms, but they are definitely making things harder on me lately.

I would love to hear if anybody has found a way to fight the weakness of giving in. I have such an urge to be a couch potato.

 

@Diana-M - I can certainly relate.

Do you have a sense of what comes up for you when you think about your "why." ie. Why you are on this healing journey?

I was thinking about this earlier actually and, for me, it somehow provides that strength to take some of the building block steps.

I just went back to my Day 1 post since it was about 'what life would look like without TMS' and it reminded me again of my "Why" - seems to definitely help when all of this gets so difficult and I am feeling like I need discipline when what I really need is more akin to inspiration (pulled toward instead of pushing against, I guess)

 

Do you mean, why did this TMS happen, or why do I want to get better?

 

Why you want to get better - that vision of life beyond this...

 

I’m going to journal about that. Thank you! For a while, TMS was actually making my life easier because I couldn’t visit the people who hurt me or do things that stressed me out. So much has changed in a year. I’ve eliminated those people from my life. And I’ve changed my whole life. Can’t be a workaholic anymore. Had to change goals. Things are easier. If TMS were gone, my life would be astounding! Better than I could have ever imagined. TMS actually overhauled my life. I wouldn’t have done this for myself.

 

Right there with you Diana. I’ve made so much progress despite the symptoms, back to playing light sports, socializing a little bit more. But big decisions/obstacles, things like returning to in person work, moving out of my parents house, trying to date, reconnecting with friends who I’ve isolated from, more intense exercise to get back in shape, deciding on going back to school, even things like restarting old hobbies that I dropped like drawing or bike repair or playing the ukulele, these things I am afraid of and just can’t get momentum in tackling. I keep telling myself that when the symptoms are gone I’ll address some of them. The more I ponder the more I realize it’s likely going to be the opposite, the symptoms will fully dissipate once I actually start living my life and defying the fear and discomfort. I suppose in a way there is a routine to a life with TMS, and there is ‘comfort’ in the routine that our symptoms can limit us to.

I wrote something in the chat earlier, that we need to be our own heroes, our own inspiration. I don’t have much advice on how we get there. But we’re here, Diana, we’re trying, we haven’t thrown in the towel, when it would be so easy to do. I believe in you, I believe in us.

 

I’d bet the bank on us! We’re going to get this!

“the symptoms will fully dissipate once I actually start living my life and defying the fear and discomfort.”

This is it! I’m thinking I’m just not trying small enough bites of life. Like maybe 5 minutes of certain things to start. Something ridiculously achievable.

 

I made goals for myself to do things:
#1 was get outside every day to hang out in my own yard. Read, meditate or watch birds and bees...
I also did one chore every single day on top of self care - water some plants, sort my laundry, wipe down the bathroom or kitchen etc
I ate one meal at the table. Sometimes I could only sit for 5 minutes before having a panic attack.

Then made goals to participate in my hobbies and used that to accomplish other goals like sitting, standing for longer periods of time.
Stand to do a puzzle on the counter.
Sit to do a crossword puzzle, handiwork or a craft
Sit or stand to do a chore to help out my hubby

One activity I enjoyed (or used to enjoy), one chore, one meal plus any self-care every single day. Increase everything in a few weeks - to two activities and two chores per day plus some movement (other than to do these things...you have your yoga.)
Progress again in a few weeks: maybe no more hobbies, but add another chore and add more movement: increase the amount of time and the difficulty - perhaps from bed to sitting in a chair to do the activity.

Hubby and I talked about things he would like to begin doing together, and slowly we began to do those things even if they hurt, even if I was embarrassed and even if they were incredibly hard: on weekends going to our favorite place to eat once a week or go for ice cream and walk down the street both days. This soon became an evening activity too. Walk outside every day.

Things I stopped doing: stopped researching TMS. Only allowed myself 1/2 hr. a day to meditate, 1/2 to either journal or be on this forum or to read any TMS book I already owned. I also began to stop myself thinking about the TMS and worked on re-directing my fearful, anxious mind more forcefully with the STOP method that @Baseball65 has talked about, recognizing that thinking about TMS had become OCD like (not just the symptoms but ANYTHING about it).

I conciously worked on these things everyday. It was interesting to see how the TMS brain would resist: forget to do things, avoid, get distracted. I'd make lists of the things and then cross them out to keep on track.

 

@Cactusflower
Wow! Thank you! This is the kind of exact detail I was looking for. And ouch there are some really hard ones on here! (End OCD thinking about TMS. Allow only 1/2 hour/day of the forum.) I know this TMS activity is taking up a lot of my time— keeping me from the real world. Ugh. It’s going to be a hard habit to break!

 

You know, forget the hours of reading books from Sarno, Shubiner etc. You want the solution to heal - in summary - then this is the answer and I believe it! After several weeks of researching TMS this is the conclusion I have also come to. Someone on this website directed me to Dan B and his video's really clicked with me. Everyone is different but he made a point that focussing on TMS, for example Journaling bad experiences, would re-inforce negativity as what you focus on strengthens. From my understanding, Dan's solution to TMS is to accept, allow and just be with your symptoms in an indifferent and non-fearful way. Hard, I know. Go live your life and forget about TMS i.e. you don't have anything wrong with you so just live (this is key - no more solutions, doctors etc). Indeed, it's hard to do, but it's all about sending a message of safety to your brain and that is how you flip the switch from danger to safety. You can try talking to your brain but if that doesn't work you send messages of safety by living your life carefree, happy and non fearful. Hard, I know. Much harder than meditating, journaling, reading books etc. By allowing the 'present' and just say to your TMS symptoms "Ah, it's you, ha ha ha, you don't scare me". Again, it's hard, I know. However, from all the books I read, success stories I've listened to etc this is, at the core, the solution to TMS. I think, perhaps, some people may require psychotherapy for TMS symptoms as a result for CPTSD but in the main, Diana, go live your life. I intend to do the same in a phased manner as per Cactus's message. Someone should really pin Cactus's message because that message summarised all the books, videos, research that took me weeks to carry out in one simple message. Something else that Dan B mentioned is that you don't need to find out what has caused TMS i.e. the memories. That's not the solution. The solution is to convey messages of safety to your brain that it is SAFE NOW i.e. that YOU ARE SAFE NOW. Diana, my sister from another mother, the more time you spend talking about TMS, on this website, being fearful etc the more you are conveying messages of DANGER to your brain. You are re-inforcing the pain-fear cycle. I see that now for myself. Nearly everyone I've spoken to on this website, when I questioned them, has told me their TMS symptoms went away or significantly reduced when 1. They accepted a TMS diagnosis 100% (belief change) 2. They did not fear their symptoms 3. They went out and lived their life - living in the present - as if TMS did not exist in a non-brutal and consistent way (either in a phased or big bang approach). Diana - If you are 100% certain you have TMS then put together a project plan i.e. activities and timeline to achieve goals 2 and 3 and what you need to do (sub activities) to achieve 2 and 3. Then implement that plan by living it and breathing it everyday. I intend to do similar but do not bully yourself to recovery. Be kind, gentle and compassionate to yourself. We can do this. It was this video that really clicked it all for me: .

SAFE = S: Study TMS (acquire knowledge to heal!) A: Attention (are you focussed on the symptoms or living life?) F: Fear (stop fearing!) E: Enjoy (enjoy life!)

@Cactusflower: You deserve the nobel prize for your post.

 

Can someone please explain to me the STOP method?

 

This!!! I went to bed last night thinking that I would reply to you this morning, @Diana-M, and awoke to find that @Cactusflower has said exactly what I would advise, and much more. Whatever TMS/mind/body methodology one chooses to follow, they all have this in common - getting on with life as best one can despite the symptoms... And this is achievable by taking 'baby steps'.

Yes, yes, yes!!! This is exactly what Cactus and I have been advising in postings to you and others on these forums. With 'baby steps'/'taking small bites of life' - you can gradually pepper your day with them and gradually increase them and they will eventually all join up to create a normal and good life.

These 'small bites of life' become habits and as such - as with all habits - you won't want to not do them!

What I also did every day, amongst taking my 'baby steps', was to read inspirational tales of people overcoming adversity of one kind or another, not just health/symptoms related difficulties. It helped me not to give in nor give up.

Just seen your excellent posting above, @mikeinlondon, and I especially agree with the following! ...

Yes, here's a posting about it, Mike: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/what-i-would-change.24382/page-2#post-127257 (Day 20 - What I would change)

 

Thank you, @BloodMoon , @mikeinlondon and @Cactusflower ! I am going to be limiting my forum time— making a schedule— And sticking to it!

There seem to be two types of people on this forum. Some people have TMS, but they are able to live a lot easier. They hold down a job, they leave the house, they can move around. Some of us are so much more limited physically than that, and it seems overwhelming to “Live your Life.” But this discussion proves that to be untrue. You can live your life on your level— in five minute increments— slowly increasing what you do, until you’re back on track!

Here we go —let’s do it!!!

 

Please stop categorizing and pigeon holing people, especially yourself.
This is making yourself “special” a common TMS personality trait. The truth is, there is one kind of people here. Folks with TMS. Constantly saying you have it harder or worse is like a life fulfilling prophesy. Your brain is totally latching onto it, and it is a reflection of that safety mechanism deep in the subconcious.

You seem to be open up to more possibilities now, and “getting” it more now. You are catching onto your mind’s own resistance more now, noticing it. It is holding less power over you.
Remember: not hard timelines - no 5 minutes a time, no concrete goals: I will stand every day for 20 minutes to be a success… no setting yourself up for failure. You set loose goals and “see if” you can do it a little more tomorrow than today. You focus on engaging your mind on the task at hand rather than the time it takes.
You ALWAYS make sure to congratulate yourself. Use STOP method if you try to compare or berate yourself.
It’s brain retraining on many levels.

 

I wish I had deeper and a more strategic/step-by-step advice for you, Diana. The truth is, for me, I simply couldn't accept that I would have this physical pain for the rest of my life. Browsing chronic pain forums freaked me out, noticing the constant "woe me", and I just couldn't picture myself being a part of that (I hope no one takes offense to this, it's not my intention). I lived a very active life prior to November 2023 and it was very important to me. I was constantly on the move. So I decided and put my foot down that I would get out of this, and get out of it quickly, because I didn't want that life. I had a breakthrough when I applied Steve O's strategy of pushing through a symptom and asking it to make it worse. I don't recommend this to everyone but for me it worked.

 

Have you tried practicing active mindfulness while doing a task or moving? Dr. Hanscom writes about this. It's doing a routine task like walking, washing dishes, showering, etc. while shifting your attention to you senses instead of your internal monologue. It's feeling the floor underneath your feet with each step, the coolness of the water on your skin, etc. I also do this when I find myself annoyed at having to do something like mow my lawn. It changes everything for a while, even though I can't maintain it very long. It gives us a break from our thoughts, which is a relief.

 

You know I push through but it's not for a good reason I recommend. I have serious body dysmorphia and so exercise is just a have to have for me. But I also keep telling myself if something were truly wrong with me, how could I still be doing these things?

I'm also using (probably abusing) @Baseball65 as a mentor to keep me honest. He has coached me to actively think about my rage causes during activity to remind myself what is really the problem. I'm still struggling but working on it.

 

Here's the "HOW" to "push through" - it's compassion. It's not forcing but as Doc Tovah says, it's taking it all with you. No pushing it aside, no pretending it's not there, just take it with you. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/6Dzwe2zy6w8

 

You don’t have to push yourself all the time. Probably not even more than what you handle in a regular day. Give this stuff a lot of time. You can push yourself when you want. You have a great desire to make your life better and you will.

 

Diana, it is not about fighting the weakness or not focusing on the symptoms - both are counterproductive. It is about figuring out the biggest possible yet still tiny baby step that would not force you to retreat completely. You push a little bit, then pull back if necessary, and then push a little bit again. Pulling back is not weakness - it is being reasonable. The deeper the hole you are in, the harder it is to get out. Try to be reasonable about the amount of progress you can make.