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Day 1 My Calf Pain

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by eluna, Apr 29, 2025 at 2:23 PM.

  1. eluna

    eluna Newcomer

    Hi, I'm new to posting here and have just started the SEP which I'm so grateful to have found. As suggested, I have decided to write a bit about my story.

    When I was 13/14 years old (I am now 27), I was laying in bed one night when I got a cramp in my right calf. As I stretched it, the pain became so severe that I started screaming. The doctors put it down to a torn muscle. The pain didn't really bother me again until my early twenties. I started to notice pain and tightness in both of my calves when I was walking or exercising. When I was 24, I started getting intense episodes of pain which would leave me immobile for about three weeks but then I'd recover and go back to normal again. This happened every few months but then I had nothing for about a year or so.

    At the start of 2024, after my beloved rabbit passed away, my pain came back and this time it stayed. Although I didn't have as intense of cramping, my left calf (different this time) was too painful to walk on. Nothing has been found in tests/scans - I have healthy veins and no blood clots, muscle tears or neurological issues. I was told all sorts of things from medics - I have flat feet, I "probably have a growth deficiency", my B12 levels are low, my calves are just too tight, I pulled a muscle, etc. I've been called weird and was told to just "start walking"... by medical professionals.

    In the first half of 2024, I started using the Curable app and started to have some improvements. By late July/early August, I was having very little pain and walking almost normally again for short distances. However, by the end of August, I was having intense cramping in both calves, worse than I've ever had before. One night, I was so overcome with anxiety that I had pain and tingling down my arms and legs. I also had extreme weakness and could not walk at all because of it.

    I was panicking that something physical was seriously wrong so tried hospitals and doctors again, only to be told there's nothing wrong with me and/or that they can't help me. I realised then that it had to be something else so I went searching and finally found John Sarno's books. Since then, I've made gradual improvements and my mobility is a lot better.

    Where I currently am on my journey is a tricky one - I fully believe in the TMS diagnosis but since starting work with the pain clinic in January, I feel as though I had forgotten that a bit. I'm not sceptical, I'm actually fascinated by it and have found that TMS has been the only thing that has described what I'm going through. However, lately I've been having doubts that I'll ever get better as I compare myself to those who got better within a month or a few weeks. My pain has also gotten worse in my shoulders and neck, making me feel like I constantly have to be laying flat. I have also had increased anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts (disclaimer - I do not feel like I actually want to take my life and I am receiving mental health help through my weekly therapy sessions and support group).

    After some reflection and re-reading the Divided Mind by John Sarno, I do believe that these symptoms and feelings are a part of my brain's strategy to keep me focused on my body and to keep the syndrome going. I have recently uncovered some deep trauma in therapy which is something I've been avoiding for a long time. Naturally, I believe this part of my brain is starting to panic about losing this strategy. I also understand that the severity of my pain and symptoms is a reflection on the severity of my childhood trauma and unconscious emotional pains.

    I feel really optimistic about this program and I'm hopeful that I can connect with others who have and understand TMS. It will help me take this information in more deeply, I believe. Thank you for reading, I look forward to continuing this journey to becoming pain free.
     
    eluna, Apr 29, 2025 at 2:23 PM
    #1
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  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Terrific introduction, @eluna, and welcome to the forum and the SEP! It's clear that you are in the right place and also doing the right things to take back your life and set it back onto a different path - and before age 30, too!

    I'm so grateful for the technology that has made this a possibility for so many more people much earlier in their lives than my generation. I was 60 when my lifelong mild TMS (without an adverse childhood) came to a crisis point, and it was thanks to the internet that I discovered Dr Sarno, this forum, and the SEP, and got my life back in 2011.

    All that being said, I'm sure you've come across this advice before, but I cannot state it too strongly, which is that you have to let go of the idea that most people recover within a few weeks. For one thing, this is NEVER true for those who have childhood adversity. Period. Unfortunately, you have a longer road ahead of you. But you also get to start by giving yourself a ton of credit for being so open to doing what it will take, earlier in your life than many.

    Ultimately, the longer work needs to be done by most of us. All humans have some level of TMS because it is an evolutionary brain mechanism designed for survival in the dangerous primitive wilderness. It works really badly in today's modern world. Mild TMS can certainly be managed for entire lifetimes by many people whose only life adversity is a normal level of anxiety - and who know nothing about TMS theory. Now, when people like this experience severe symptoms due to a sudden confluence of stressors, such as an unhappy marriage or dysfunctional job or traumatic loss, it's true that just reading one of Dr Sarno's books will often initiate a quick recovery. However, we frequently see "book cure" people here later - sometime even years later - who are suddenly going through a much more resistant crisis for reasons they don't understand. Doing the deeper emotional work is what it takes to unpack the unconscious rage-inducers that build up during a lifetime, and which eventually start struggling to remain repressed. In an older person who has been managing symptoms for years based solely on TMS knowledge, the buildup of inner conflicts can be any combination of aging, mortality, inevitable losses, new traumas, caretaking, and, let's not ignore, the increasing stress of just living in today's world of uncertainties (which I think is too easily discounted but that's my personal bias).

    Which is all to say that even without childhood adversity, many people return to the theory and decide that it's time to do the deeper emotional work - and it's going to take more than a few weeks.

    The sooner that you establish your toolkit of TMS management skills, the better. They will be needed the rest of your life, as the rest of us have learned or continue to learn!
     
    JanAtheCPA, Apr 29, 2025 at 3:48 PM
    #2
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  3. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    JanAtheCPA, Apr 29, 2025 at 3:52 PM
    #3
    Diana-M likes this.
  4. Diana-M

    Diana-M Beloved Grand Eagle

    @eluna
    The only way out of this is through—however long that takes. I’m right there with you. Childhood trauma. Difficult therapy. Increased symptoms. It can be discouraging— but I’ve seen glimpses of hope. This forum can help in so many ways. There is tons of hope available here. Especially with the success stories. Just don’t give up! What other choice is there? That’s awesome you’re doing the SEP
     
    Diana-M, Apr 30, 2025 at 10:56 PM
    #4

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