I haven't gone through all of my past journal entries, but I know that anger and insecurity must be the most common emotions that I have been writing about. In terms of anger, there are past experiences that I still feel angry about, but had blocked out. Being bullied as a child, I know I was angry, but I felt outnumbered and unable to do anything physically. My first real relationship, my girlfriend was suffering from depression, and had a history of cutting. I was scared of expressing any anger or frustration towards her because I didn't want her to hurt herself or worse. There are other situations more recently with business partners that because of convoluted work relationships, I have to keep quiet to prevent financial repercussions. As I am learning, keeping quiet has its own repercussions! I think learning how to embrace/experience/handle/control the anger will likely take some time, but I do see how repressing it is hurting me immensely.
Insecurity has been another emotion that I think has shaped much of my life. For so much of my life I have felt like I wasn't good enough, cool enough, good looking enough, successful enough, athletic enough, etc. Last night I journaled about this. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but I think objectively, I am crushing it! I have an amazing family, I am a good person, I'm more successful than I ever thought I would be, I live somewhere awesome, I get to ride my bike and fly fish, and so many other things that I would be so proud of as a young, insecure teenager. While I am sad that I was so insecure for many years, I understand why I felt that way, and I appreciate what I was going through. I am not mad at myself, I am mad at what I experienced. I want to keep remembering to give myself love and appreciate what I have accomplished, and how lucky I am. Thanks.
Insecurity has been another emotion that I think has shaped much of my life. For so much of my life I have felt like I wasn't good enough, cool enough, good looking enough, successful enough, athletic enough, etc. Last night I journaled about this. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but I think objectively, I am crushing it! I have an amazing family, I am a good person, I'm more successful than I ever thought I would be, I live somewhere awesome, I get to ride my bike and fly fish, and so many other things that I would be so proud of as a young, insecure teenager. While I am sad that I was so insecure for many years, I understand why I felt that way, and I appreciate what I was going through. I am not mad at myself, I am mad at what I experienced. I want to keep remembering to give myself love and appreciate what I have accomplished, and how lucky I am. Thanks.
