Day 32 Mistake

Today’s task is to identify the last time I made a mistake and how it made me feel.

My overly analytical (conscious) mind overthought this one. How to define a mistake??? A flub, absent mindedness, deliberated, what??? I thought about the question far too long searching for something concrete like an error in addition or subtraction in my checkbook.

Finding nothing to report about something I would normally consider an error, I came up with an OCD habit which stems from doing things perfectly to not make mistakes.

Behavior-wise, I did make a mistake. A silly, but learning moment really, that I’ve not stopped thinking about. Here goes: my adult son and DIL were making my bed after really working hard to raise the head of it to help my reflux. I saw that they had not neatly made hospital corners at the bottom of the top sheet and I jumped in. I demonstrated the method while apologizing for my pickiness.

While I thanked them profusely, it was like watching a movie, with me acting out my OCD. I was very aware of it and ashamed of my unwillingness to just let it be good enough.

My kiddos did not seem offended, maybe because of my apologetic demeanor, but perhaps they realized it’s just me. My DIL said, and meant it as a compliment, “Don’t worry Mom, that’s why your house looks so nice.”

I felt ungracious about not being able to let good enough be ok.

 

Hi Mtnjay.

Yes, being a perfectionist is not helpful for healing from TMS and you do not want to be one anymore. but being afraid of and angry about being one is even worse I guess. You wanted neat hospital corners and jumped in. No big deal I would say. And it seems that everybody was fine with it as well. So nothing to worry about. It seems to me that you want to be just perfect in becoming a non-perfectionist, not allowing yourself any "mistakes" in the process. I am not sure if it works like this. Instead of being ungracious about it, be proud of yourself that you become aware of your perfectionist behavior. because awareness is a very important step to become better. You will not get rid of a personality trait that you carried along for so long overnight.

 

Ooooh I relate to this one big time. My fiance always does the dishes but he just does not set things the way I like them on the drainer or he moves things where I can't find them. I'm screaming at myself to shut up all the time because he's doing the dishes but GAH.

 

This is a side note: what a nice daughter in law you have!

I don’t think this counts as a “mistake”—because you just like a neat bed, and you were appreciative of their help—so no harm, no foul.

 

Ugh, I never think I'm a perfectionist until my OCD rears its ugly head!! Good insight!