Day 8 Me and my UV

Had a long weekend with my Unconscious mind...so long that I had to give him a name, UV (you-vie). My nick name is Vandy, so I thought I would name my unconscious, Unconscious Vandy or UV. We had such massive battles due to the influx of pain being delivered, I had to give him a name. I needed to know who I was speaking to AND that he knew he was being spoken to if that makes any sense. I understand that there are different forms of communicating to UV, sometimes stern and angry, other times compassionate and asking whats wrong, etc.

Lately I find myself if negotiations with UV. Basically saying I will do a better job listening so don't drop the hammer on me and put our body in full spasm mode just to get my attention. A faint pain in the arm should suffice and I will come to your attention. I hoping this way of communicating works. Made a deal with him this morning.

I woke up feeling ok, slept well considering and did what I normally do....check my phone and began answering texts and emails from work. My territory is 2hrs ahead so I like to answer things as soon as I get up to give direction, answer any questions if needed, THEN go get ready. As I was trying to get out of bed, a quick back spasm...nothing to heavy, but enough to jolt me. I hobbled over to bathroom and realized I felt vulnerable. Meaning, I could tell my left thigh was trembling and lacking oxygen. Since I started this program, UV has moved the pain into my leg, making me walk gingerly in fear of a spasm. When it spasms, my leg gives out so my back tries to compensate and then it spasms and I go down for the count.

Anyway, I had to take some time to figure out what the problem was. After much deliberation, I asked myself, what was the trigger. And the only thing that came to mind was dealing with my work stuff. "But it wasn't stressful stuff," I told UV, but it was work. And no doubt, there are parts of my job that are stressful and tie into the financial stress of things, etc. However, I explained that I need to be able to handle work issues, without him jamming me up with TMS! Then I remembered something I read explaining that we need to take care of ourselves 1st as TMSers. As "Doo-Gooders" we put the needs of others ahead of our own. In such a current fragile state, I believe I need to be more attentive to my needs. So I made a deal...

I told UV that I promise to not look at my phone until after we meditate and clear our head in the shower (Since I was a kid, hot showers were a soothing environment for me to clear my head and just BE). In addition, I asked him to take it easy on the signals/alerts. I am listening UV. I told him we will make a great team once we learn how to communicate with each other better.Side note; this part still upsets me that these defense mechanisms come in such debilitating form for me, makes no sense??? How that is supposed to "defend" me. However, I know that emotions need to come out some how, I just need to learn how to break the circle that leads to pain as it is explained in Day 7.

Nevertheless, I am curious how tomorrow will go...

 

Hi, vandy. I think you're dealing with your UV nicely. You are learning how to handle him from the SE program.
Keep working on discovering the triggers to your TMS pain and the repressed emotions and goodism nature that needs modifying.

Try to find ways to put more fun in your life.

 

Thanks Walt! I really appreciate your comments. I believe me and UV made progress as I left the phone on the night stand and focused on ME this morning. So grateful for this website, the SE program and the community. Thanks again for your support and I will definitely look for ways to put more fun in my life...i will begin by playing with my kids!

 

Playing with your kids sounds great. I feel good when I play with my dog.