Little Update On My Journey

Hey everyone. I just thought it'd be useful for me to give an update.

It's been almost 6 months of looking into this for me as an explanation for my severe back pain. I had a long plane ride back home to the States followed by lots of traveling to meet up with family. My back still hates sitting in vehicles. It took several days for me to get out of that pain. It was difficult to walk or bend over for a few days. No matter how much I convinced myself that the pain was a conditioned response, I can't seem to quite convince myself out of pain during transportation. Give me more than 20 minutes in a car, and I experience pain.

Now, since I've been away from home, I've had a blast and a really fulfilling job but the pain wouldn't let up. Now, I'm going into a less-fulfilling job (fast food, temporarily - plenty of good about it, but it's just different than what I've done this year). My last job was very sedentary. I've been terrified of what being on my feet for 8 hours cleaning and cooking would do. One week in and I'm doing way better than expected. This past year, a 20 minute walk would put me on my butt for awhile in some pretty bad pain. Or standing in line at the grocery store. Or literally holding a water bottle.

Now, I'm working for 8 hours and am making it out. Some days I have very little pain. Most days it's fairly bad by the end of the day. A few times this past week, I've had to retreat home after the day feeling my back threaten to twinge. I have mixed feelings. On one hand I can't believe I'm working full days like this again and am still alive. It felt like those days were forever over not long ago. Since getting back to my home town, my back has been waaaay better than it has been in a long time. On the other hand, I still feel stuck. The pain I experience at work is still fairly extreme - a 7/10 by the end of the day. While it's better than it had been, and I'm exerting much more force on my back than I felt I could take a month ago, I'm still confused as to why I'm feeling the pain.

I feel empowered by my ability to work but also bullied by the pain at the end of the day and defeated. A strange dichotomy to hold. Trying to celebrate the victory I'm experiencing right now, but also questioning why can't it be better. Why does it hurt so much still? What am I missing?

 

You’re doing awesome! All you need is more time. And keep telling yourself you are safe. Calm your mind. There’s nothing to fear. The pain doesn’t mean anything is wrong. (Crazy, isn’t it?!) By you working despite the pain, you are directly fighting your TMS. You’re doing the best thing possible. Don’t give up! And I know this is asking a lot, but try to ignore the pain, like you could care less about it.

Here’s a video that really encourages me!
https://www.youtube.com/live/pMPl55WKF28?si=huMVgaXAG4zk6EGV

 

Wow! You are doing so good at just living life at this point! Keep it going. Don't focus on the pain-which is so hard to do. I always remind myself that this is a nervous system event and it's not dangerous. And sometimes I have to tell myself over and over. But you doing to work and showing your body is capable is right on track!

 

Amazing progress! I'll echo what others have said. Don't worry about the time, let it pass. Your brain will give up sending you the pain signal. Yell at your brain if you have to! Give it hell.