ahri11
Peer Supporter
Hiya all,
Last night I was texting with my dear 23 yr old son. All the most intense symptoms(whole right side...burning nerve pain, dizziness, muscle pain and stiffness; leg, belly, back and neck pain) came flooding in. I now recognize this as intense emotions flooding in and hitting the old wall of protection though, so...deep breaths and stay...and of course the pain subsided! I wasn't really surprised this was surfacing; feelings and thoughts related to raising him(on my own) had been dancing around my mind all day. So, this morning I did a "spider write" with his name in the middle. Oh geez!! Guilt, shame, worry, fear, overwhelm, failure...on every "leg" except the love, light of my life, best heart hugs ever "leg"
No bloody wonder the pain comes rushing in so intense!! I can't always see the perfectionist in me as it's often described...I am not a high achiever in the typical sense; career, school etc. But family and loved ones are what I value so high above anything else...ta da!! Man oh man that's a ton of pressure...creating a ton of rage! Self compassion and gentle loving kindness are on the menu this week!
Also, I learned a term the other day that has helped me understand myself so much more...Fawning. Flight, fight, freeze and fawning. Pete Walker coined this...describes me to a T. It was my main tool for keeping me feeling safe/having some sense of control/not having to feel the terror as a child and it just became part of my way of being. So, now I am feeling all those feelings...providing the safety for myself.
It's so nice to know you are all out there showing up for and taking good care of yourselves too. This work is so very challenging and sometimes the fear and overwhelm get the better of us...knowing others are facing these things head on and grappling with it all as well is great support and inspiration. Such a gift xo
Last night I was texting with my dear 23 yr old son. All the most intense symptoms(whole right side...burning nerve pain, dizziness, muscle pain and stiffness; leg, belly, back and neck pain) came flooding in. I now recognize this as intense emotions flooding in and hitting the old wall of protection though, so...deep breaths and stay...and of course the pain subsided! I wasn't really surprised this was surfacing; feelings and thoughts related to raising him(on my own) had been dancing around my mind all day. So, this morning I did a "spider write" with his name in the middle. Oh geez!! Guilt, shame, worry, fear, overwhelm, failure...on every "leg" except the love, light of my life, best heart hugs ever "leg"
No bloody wonder the pain comes rushing in so intense!! I can't always see the perfectionist in me as it's often described...I am not a high achiever in the typical sense; career, school etc. But family and loved ones are what I value so high above anything else...ta da!! Man oh man that's a ton of pressure...creating a ton of rage! Self compassion and gentle loving kindness are on the menu this week!Also, I learned a term the other day that has helped me understand myself so much more...Fawning. Flight, fight, freeze and fawning. Pete Walker coined this...describes me to a T. It was my main tool for keeping me feeling safe/having some sense of control/not having to feel the terror as a child and it just became part of my way of being. So, now I am feeling all those feelings...providing the safety for myself.
It's so nice to know you are all out there showing up for and taking good care of yourselves too. This work is so very challenging and sometimes the fear and overwhelm get the better of us...knowing others are facing these things head on and grappling with it all as well is great support and inspiration. Such a gift xo
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