Day 8 Just checking in

Just checking in with my progress. I had a great week, very little pain and very little thinking about pain. I think that is mainly because I have been on a trip without any of the usual pressures of work or family life. I normally spend a lot of energy worrying about whether I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and whether I will succeed and whether I will let someone down. This week I really noticed myself not doing that and I think it's had a big effect on my health, so that's going on the evidence sheet.

The journaling is going ok. I find it easy to write about things from my list, but I find it very hard to really connect with the emotions and experience them. That has always been hard for me. I have a very logical way of thinking, and I think this is not the most effective way of journaling, but I'm not sure how to get past it. Any suggestions would be welcome.

 

I'm currently on Day 8 of the SEP, and I'm still not able to clearly identify the emotions connected to my pain. I do know that what I experience at work with a colleague has a strong impact on my TMS — I’m aware of it, and I recognize it in the moment when it happens. But beyond that, I’m not really sure. I don’t know whether I should feel discouraged by this, because it might mean that I’m still quite far from healing....
I'm the same way...

 

“ I have a very logical way of thinking”

Have you read a book by Dr. Sarno and explored personality traits? This might be very helpful to you understanding why you might be attached to “logical thinking” as a defense mechanism. It was simply developed as a child.
Understanding where these personality traits come from can help you get a better grasp on childhood emotions and how those things reply themselves in your life.
It can take time, but helps to unravel the chords of your mind protecting you from revisiting those things. Don’t be discouraged! Just see how much protection mode your mind is in.
Pairing the journaling with meditation (or similar practice) is very helpful.

 

What is the list of?
I always start with stuff I am flaming Pissed about. Then , as that stuff is usually NOT why I need TMS, I review the stuff and people I am NOT angry with and usually that is where the 'gold' is hidden.
If you can't provoke emotion, start with something you can.... everybody has been cheated on, stolen from, picked on , victimized by nepotism, pressured to be ways we don't want to be.
I don't know what journaling has devolved to around here, but the stuff you are consciously angry about is the best List I know of.

Then list your closest family and friends...It's usually hiding in plain sight. That's why it takes some time, quiet and reflection

 

Keep at it! This week I have found the journalling has really given me some insights that I wasn't aware of
before.

I read the Mind Body Prescription, and found it was too dry and systematic. I have since been reading parts of
Healing Back Pain, and this has been quite helpful, and I have also been working through the personality traits wiki page.
But I haven't seen anything about logical thinking as a defence mechanism

So far I was mainly working on the "past traumatic events and experiences" list. This is where I find it
difficult to feel the emotions, because these events were so long ago, and I don't really have an emotional
memory of them. It is more like I remember the facts of what happened, not how I felt.

When writing about daily experiences I do connect more with the emotions, but I almost feel like I am telling
myself "well it would be normal to feel angry about that, so I probably do feel angry", but I don't really
feel the anger.

 

THAT is super important. You can learn a lot from that. Why don't you feel angry? What would be the consequences of getting angry?
When did you stop getting angry?

Sarno goes into great detail about this very topic in the psychology portion of healing back pain. Recovery depends on an investigation, not a verdict

 

Oh my gosh, I wish I had a dollar for all the people on this website who feel this way. Me too! It’s what’s wrong. We stuffed all of it and never learned to feel.