Day 10 Journaling about current stresses

[HPJM]

Treatment is going well I think. I'm enjoying being back in the gym, pain is going away, my old thought structures are tumbling down. I don't worry about the pain that is left, nor do I worry about it. I'm feeling like my old self again. But I know I still have a little bit to go. I still have things to journal.

Speaking of journaling, I couldn't think of a single person that is causing me current stresses or pressures, simply because of my situation at the moment (I can think of people causing me pressure in the past). So I focused not on a person, but on a thing, namely, my concerns about the future.

Think of a person in your life from whom you hide your emotions. What is preventing you from telling this person how you feel?

Definitely my dad. My dad is similar to me, he doesn't show his emotions much (not sure if he has TMS). So I guess I picked it up off him, and thought it is a thing that men do. Now I realise that expressing emotions is a human thing to do, not just for women. What's preventing me? I guess I want him to get an idea that I'm always happy and under control, as if I was a failure (perfectionism) if I expressed negative emotions. Another part of it is that I am worried he won't understand or listen if I try and talk to him about them.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Some men, not only fathers, just will not reveal their thoughts to others. That can make it very hard on others.

I'd forget trying to get your father to open up to you, or you to open up to them. That's how they want to live.
One of my best friends I could not consider a "close" friend because I never had a personal conversation with him.
He preferred to be a stoic. It was very hard on his wife and three kids. His wife had a stroke at age 35 and never recovered.
I think it was due to a large part in him being a personal stranger to her. Not a good way to live, but don't let it spoil yours
or give you TMS pain.

 

[SunnyinFL]

Treatment is going well I think. I'm enjoying being back in the gym, pain is going away, my old thought structures are tumbling down. I don't worry about the pain that is left, nor do I worry about it. I'm feeling like my old self again. But I know I still have a little bit to go. I still have things to journal.

Speaking of journaling, I couldn't think of a single person that is causing me current stresses or pressures, simply because of my situation at the moment (I can think of people causing me pressure in the past). So I focused not on a person, but on a thing, namely, my concerns about the future.

Think of a person in your life from whom you hide your emotions. What is preventing you from telling this person how you feel?

Definitely my dad. My dad is similar to me, he doesn't show his emotions much (not sure if he has TMS). So I guess I picked it up off him, and thought it is a thing that men do. Now I realise that expressing emotions is a human thing to do, not just for women. What's preventing me? I guess I want him to get an idea that I'm always happy and under control, as if I was a failure (perfectionism) if I expressed negative emotions. Another part of it is that I am worried he won't understand or listen if I try and talk to him about them.

Hi HPJM,
So glad your treatment is going well. I was thinking about your question (Think of a person . . . ). I hope the question itself didn't make you think you "should" share more emotions with your Dad. Maybe you "should" or maybe you "shouldn't" - I certainly don't know the answer to that. What is important, though, is to be thoughtful about the people you share with - will they share back? will they cause you a set back? will they be supportive? will it be productive? Personally, I have found it best to be selective with the people I confide in to prevent an awkward or disappointing reaction. Some people are capable of empathy and support and deserve your trust, and others don't. That's just the way it goes. So, please listen to your internal wisdom and confide in those who will support your recovery. Best wishes! Sunny

 

[HPJM]

Hi HPJM,
So glad your treatment is going well. I was thinking about your question (Think of a person . . . ). I hope the question itself didn't make you think you "should" share more emotions with your Dad. Maybe you "should" or maybe you "shouldn't" - I certainly don't know the answer to that. What is important, though, is to be thoughtful about the people you share with - will they share back? will they cause you a set back? will they be supportive? will it be productive? Personally, I have found it best to be selective with the people I confide in to prevent an awkward or disappointing reaction. Some people are capable of empathy and support and deserve your trust, and others don't. That's just the way it goes. So, please listen to your internal wisdom and confide in those who will support your recovery. Best wishes! Sunny

To be honest, my dad probably will listen. I think it is more of a fear that he won't, just a fear. He is a busy man, he works extremely hard so I worry, sometimes that I am somehow not worth it or other times that he wouldn't understand because he is tired. Other people in the past I've told my emotions to have listened, but not always understood. Luckily I have people who I can talk to, and they can understand. Yeah it can be a big step sharing emotions for those of us who aren't used to it, or like me, bottling them up for my whole life.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Why not try talking to your father about TMS. He can't shoot you, can he? He may even be waiting to be talked to on a meaningful level.
If he grimaces, let it go.