It's all hitting me today

It's just...all hitting me again.

Starting last night.

Kind of starting a few days ago.

I know the stressors. I know the rage. I know the sorrow. I know the fear.

Hanging on.

Or letting go?

 

Letting go.

The work at the point that it sounds like you are at is all about letting go. Accept that you are feeling how you are. Accept that it is TMS and you are okay. Let go of the experience needing to be any different to what it is. Let go of the stories that proliferate with pain and be. At some point, everyone on this path who has recovered has the realisation that there is nothing to fix because they are already healed.

There is no telling when insight arises but practicing the two-fold acceptance above is the way towards it. Now, it is intensely challenging to accept severe pain so if you cannot, the first step is to accept the resistance to acceptance. That is the truth of the moment and can lead to acceptance of the sensations.

Freedom is not never having pain, it is being liberated from the stories and emotions that come alongside the pain. Or otherwise known as in Buddhism as the second arrow. And then the third, fourth, fifth... till we train our minds to get off the rollercoaster.

You are absolutely capable of this just as much as any of the other humans that have recovered. However, this is a process so as Claire Weekes wisely says, "Let time pass"

 

Nicole Sachs would say it's about holding it loosely-having acceptance over your situation and the pain. Easy to say but super hard to do!!!

 

Thanks, guys. I started screaming for a second when my eyes blurred while looking at the steering wheel this morning. I guess I still have a lot more fear of my symptoms than I thought I did. Usually these days I handle the blurriness better. I've really gotten good at handling blurriness at distance, in stores, etc. To the degree that it's actually much lesser, and also much less noticed, and matters much less. Stores rarely cause symptoms anymore and when they do I just sort of notice but don't really care.

Maybe this is why blurriness at near is giving itself a fun little boost right now. To get my attention.

I guess I've also been making progress with the all-over body pain, actually.

Okay, this flare is making more sense now. Starting to believe a little more that it's a flare, not a catastrophe.

 

The question is if you know the emotions, then it is no longer suppressed or repressed, then how could symptoms be generated? It is from the unaware emotions, right, based on Dr. Sarno's books?

 

The emotions that you can quickly identify are not usually the ones that you are repressing. You may have been suppressing them, but suppression of emotions does not cause TMS. There are many social reasons that we need to suppress our emotions (to get along with others in the workplace or home). It can take some digging to get to the real underlying repressed emotions (the ones outside our conscious awareness). Sometimes it requires uncovering patterns that started in childhood and then digging some more using radical honesty. I think it is also important to uncover your thinking patterns and beliefs, which have often formed due to years of emotional repression. This is why it can take most people a while to recover from TMS.

 

"Starting to believe a little more that it's a flare, not a catastrophe" - THIS! as Ellen says "uncover your thinking patterns and beliefs, which have often formed due to years of emotional repression"

At times, I will do a little emotional inquiry if I'm not sure why I might be in a flare, but I don't spend much time on it. The key is, as you have said that this is not a catastrophe. Part of TMS is learning that when symptoms come up, sometimes there's a big old underlaying reason (repressed emotions) and I've found that sometimes it's still the safety mechanism doing it's thing until it recognizes that you no longer need it to do it's thing (until of course, it's absolutely necessary).
My symptoms like to circle around. Some days old ones pop up for minutes, hours, a few days - and I remember the habits that might come along with the repression: what do I do when I'm not at ease. Am I rushing, am I "doing" constantly, am I thinking about the things but not "feeling" the things, am I trying to control things I can not control? Am not participating in the things I CAN control eg. slowing down, or if unhappy with the "state" of things surrounding me, doing something about it eg. going to the PTA meeting and voicing my concerns...am I simply doing something (eg. driving and using vision) that my brain likes to occasionally hop back into to try and scare the bejesus out of me?

Simply noting the habits of your mind and body can really help you out. I've gotten to the point where I don't really feel to do the "big dig" with all these things and they seem to be short lived now. One of the biggest things that helped my mindset is the ideas of flares or "extinction bursts" or whatever anyone wants to call them. I began to view them simply as what I call "off-gassing" of the nervous system. Old stuff that just needs to work it's way out of my system in it's own sweet time.

 

Oh, this is so helpful. Thank you.
Habits.
I've been so surprised to see myself doing things like constantly checking my vision again in the past day or two. At some point I stopped the constant checking, and I hadn't noticed that I had stopped...until it started again. Why? Perhaps the rushing...the doing...the controlling...the resisting what I can't control...etc. When I'm checking, I care if I find something. When I'm not checking, if something pops up, it's much easier to just say, "Huh. Well, okay, whatever." The checking really reinforces the fear of the symptoms.
Each weekend I feel like I didn't get the rest and recreation that I needed. It's just more work. It's such a bad pattern. And then Sunday is terrible...sometimes panic attacks...and Monday is so hard, Tuesday too...
I am working on letting things go in favor of heaving some rest and enjoyment. And...time to feel/process.

 

My son was working on the same project as me yesterday and said out loud, sarcastically "Ouch..my back is spasming....what on earth might that be from?"
He smiled and looked over at me. (we were in a room full of other tradesman)

So, the next time we had a break I took him aside and we did the 'review'.
We ran down all of the obvious ones, but I reminded him what @Ellen just posted here too. We do the work, but ultimately we might never know what is going on down there.
There is nothing wrong with looking at the tip of the iceberg...it sends a message to the unconscious that we know what is going on...but ultimately, we don't.

It is almost like religious faith in that we know the process, but can't describe the ultimate details.

 

I listened to a new video by Jim Prussack yesterday to try to help get my head reset on what to do and it reminded me that even just affect labelling is really powerful. Yesterday I couldn't figure it all out but it helped a lot once I started saying, "Oh, hello, fear. You are there but I will not add second fear." "Hello, anger. FU all you F-ing people."
I am an overthinking and I'm always seeking understanding. Understanding does help me a lot at times but seeking it can also get me stuck in the loop. Sometimes better to label and step back as it seems to tell my brain that the emotion is not actually worth freaking out about.
Labeling that tip of the iceberg does help, even though we don't always really understand what's below.

 

Sorry you’re going through the temptation to fear. It’s so easy! And I’ve noticed it comes in waves. You get strong at believing what all this is, and then your lizard brain throws a new curveball. But each time, you pull out quicker. Right? I was thinking the other day of all the ways my life has changed for the better because of having TMS. And some people say TMS is a reset. I think that’s true. Your whole being is saying “enough already.” Honestly I wouldn’t go back now and trade what I’ve already changed about myself. I would go through everything I’ve been through right now to become who I’m becoming. Probably, looking back on my life, I’m going to think this TMS is one of the most influential things changing my life. I hope maybe you will too. Don't be afraid of it; just roll with it. Ask the little girl inside you: What are you trying to tell me today? And then listen. She just wants to tell you.

 

Diana, I think this video will make sense to you:

 

You are right. You come out quicker each time. I am doing so much better even today.
I know what you mean. I see TMS all through my life now, probably starting in when I was about 17. There has always been some unexplainable health problem, and almost always also anxiety and depression. Because I could not ever, ever resolve the emotions.

 

I am reading Louis Hay these days very slowly. To my understanding based on her books, our thoughts/beliefs direct our emotions and vice versa like a loop. So these emotions from our conscious or unconscious thoughts/beliefs could generate inner tensions and then we feel the need to repress or suppress those emotions then symptoms kick in. Our thought patterns are mostly formed by our childhood, past experiences and interactions with others and trauma. And negative experiences seem to play much heavier roles in our thoughts than positive experiences, almost like 10 to 1 ratio in my opinion. Like one needs 10 positive things to happen to regulate that 1 negative thing imprinted to our brains. It may have something to do with early humans too, because back then one single negative event could cost the caveman's life. If somehow we are more patient with our thoughts and more aware and maybe not automatically fall into our thought pattern, and rewire our thoughts (affirmations in her words), the emotions may change and healing could occur. But it is not easy since we don't live in a vacuum and any new triggers may press harder our old thought patterns, rather than elevate them.