Healingintexas@13
Newcomer
I first learned about TMS October of 2020 ... I read Dr. Sarno's book Healing Back Pain ... during a very painful back pain flare up that came seemingly out of nowhere. [back pain is not new I had a horse injury, a military injury and many flare ups in a job where I had to bend a lot in the past but that was 30 years ago] I watched the documentary: All the Rage. I read part of The Great Pain Deception by Steve O. So now June 2021 ... I find myself in my first back pain flare up since 8 months ago. But I also realize that what I thought was a new shoulder problem that cropped up a few months ago ... is almost certainly TMS too. Limited range of motion and difficulty even putting my hair up in a ponytail. The pain in my back makes me wish all I had was a frozen shoulder.
It seems I recovered very well in last October ... I even started bending and walking/doing more and I was no longer afraid to carry reasonably heavy items (in the proper way but I lost a lot of fear), or ride an hour in the car. I continued to journal about feelings everyday not past stuff so much but current stressors and my feelings about them ... things I could do and working on allowing and accepting feelings ...and that was enough for 8 months.
Then stress built up over travel that I want to take this summer (DAMN IT ... IT SEEMS LIKE A PIPE DREAM NOW) and have the $ to take to see family ... and a new demand on my time popped up helping someone that triggered my old fears around having had my life energy and years/decades gobbled up by caregiving. Now this demand has receded (someone had to take over for me the driving to appts for the person as I can't even get into a car yet for more than 5 min at a time) and is for now over with but the travel (cross country flight/rental car) is not possible until I can sit on the 3 airplane segments and 2 hour rental car drive required to get there one way from Texas. And I can see that my brain is using well known neuropathways to divert me from the conflicted "want to go ... it seems too hard ... is it really safe/COVID ... will I get stranded ... will I relapse ... mental/emotional back and forth about traveling.
I thank goodness I know about TMS because this flare up is the worst I've had since I was in my 20s and locked into a bad job and a difficult stretch in a relationship + frosted with caregiving children and parents. Back then I had a whole month side tracked and I quit my job eventually thinking the lifting of children in pre-school toddlers + changing diapers was the culprit.
I have to dig deeper, believe the diagnosis even stronger (which is not really difficult because I am an absolute match personality wise and score 48/50 on one test for TMS). I believe that I believe I have it. But I can now see as I work my way thru Dr. Schubiner's Unlearn Your Pain ..... the book/workbook = there were a lot of other things in my past having to do with my body that were TMS ... not just the back pain!!!!!! The symptom inventory was a huge wake up. I'm 57 now. This is a lifelong pattern I can see going back to being sick every Christmas and the only kid in pjs for the pictures. Led right into an eating disorder and childhood obesity ... eventually led to headaches, sinus allergies, shin splints, heel pain, neck pain, rotator, back pain, hip pain, sciatica, depression sprinkled on periodically. Ugh. [in 2018 I overcame the weight issue + I'm normal weight now with intermittent fasting and this year I overcame the past money/debt issues ... so maybe I have fewer coping mechanisms unhealthy ones but still ... ]
Current scans show "only" degenerative arthritis. The doctor wanted me on pain meds, PT, and cognitive therapy. I had already read Dr. Sarno's book so I declined that. Right now I am for the most part not taking anything except using occasional CBD creme for the bunched up tight muscles. Maybe twice this week. Pain has been up around 8 at times and down to 2 or non-existent certain times of day.
I feel like I'm STILL very distracted by the pain and physical part. It is doing it's job. I have several (mainly 3) big emotional issues that are difficult to "work on". Face. Think about. I have a counselor I talk with twice a month -- and he is on board about the TMS.
I am even helping my spouse understand why I don't choose the medical model for this psychological problem. At first it was a big contention and argument. He is getting it now. Dr. Schubiner's brain knowledge got thru to him.
I have much to learn still and practice especially. While at the same time WORKING TO not be TMSing even more by obsessing and doing the reading and workbook and videos 24/7 ... can't get better that way ... I must life my normal life ... it's so hard since riding in the car is still painful and this week I must confront that and take some desensitizing short trips and deal with it. Then I could get back to a more normal for me life. I am practicing relaxing it has NEVER come easy to me.
Thank you for listening. I'm happy to find this place. My counselor suggested I join since I told him I feel isolated by this and not many people even have heard of this and many say ..... that arthritis will do this but I know the overall picture and it is truly TMS that I am sure of.
Hope to meet many people and help and be helped. Eeeks this is so long. I apologize for that.
~Chris~
It seems I recovered very well in last October ... I even started bending and walking/doing more and I was no longer afraid to carry reasonably heavy items (in the proper way but I lost a lot of fear), or ride an hour in the car. I continued to journal about feelings everyday not past stuff so much but current stressors and my feelings about them ... things I could do and working on allowing and accepting feelings ...and that was enough for 8 months.
Then stress built up over travel that I want to take this summer (DAMN IT ... IT SEEMS LIKE A PIPE DREAM NOW) and have the $ to take to see family ... and a new demand on my time popped up helping someone that triggered my old fears around having had my life energy and years/decades gobbled up by caregiving. Now this demand has receded (someone had to take over for me the driving to appts for the person as I can't even get into a car yet for more than 5 min at a time) and is for now over with but the travel (cross country flight/rental car) is not possible until I can sit on the 3 airplane segments and 2 hour rental car drive required to get there one way from Texas. And I can see that my brain is using well known neuropathways to divert me from the conflicted "want to go ... it seems too hard ... is it really safe/COVID ... will I get stranded ... will I relapse ... mental/emotional back and forth about traveling.
I thank goodness I know about TMS because this flare up is the worst I've had since I was in my 20s and locked into a bad job and a difficult stretch in a relationship + frosted with caregiving children and parents. Back then I had a whole month side tracked and I quit my job eventually thinking the lifting of children in pre-school toddlers + changing diapers was the culprit.
I have to dig deeper, believe the diagnosis even stronger (which is not really difficult because I am an absolute match personality wise and score 48/50 on one test for TMS). I believe that I believe I have it. But I can now see as I work my way thru Dr. Schubiner's Unlearn Your Pain ..... the book/workbook = there were a lot of other things in my past having to do with my body that were TMS ... not just the back pain!!!!!! The symptom inventory was a huge wake up. I'm 57 now. This is a lifelong pattern I can see going back to being sick every Christmas and the only kid in pjs for the pictures. Led right into an eating disorder and childhood obesity ... eventually led to headaches, sinus allergies, shin splints, heel pain, neck pain, rotator, back pain, hip pain, sciatica, depression sprinkled on periodically. Ugh. [in 2018 I overcame the weight issue + I'm normal weight now with intermittent fasting and this year I overcame the past money/debt issues ... so maybe I have fewer coping mechanisms unhealthy ones but still ... ]
Current scans show "only" degenerative arthritis. The doctor wanted me on pain meds, PT, and cognitive therapy. I had already read Dr. Sarno's book so I declined that. Right now I am for the most part not taking anything except using occasional CBD creme for the bunched up tight muscles. Maybe twice this week. Pain has been up around 8 at times and down to 2 or non-existent certain times of day.
I feel like I'm STILL very distracted by the pain and physical part. It is doing it's job. I have several (mainly 3) big emotional issues that are difficult to "work on". Face. Think about. I have a counselor I talk with twice a month -- and he is on board about the TMS.
I am even helping my spouse understand why I don't choose the medical model for this psychological problem. At first it was a big contention and argument. He is getting it now. Dr. Schubiner's brain knowledge got thru to him.
I have much to learn still and practice especially. While at the same time WORKING TO not be TMSing even more by obsessing and doing the reading and workbook and videos 24/7 ... can't get better that way ... I must life my normal life ... it's so hard since riding in the car is still painful and this week I must confront that and take some desensitizing short trips and deal with it. Then I could get back to a more normal for me life. I am practicing relaxing it has NEVER come easy to me.
Thank you for listening. I'm happy to find this place. My counselor suggested I join since I told him I feel isolated by this and not many people even have heard of this and many say ..... that arthritis will do this but I know the overall picture and it is truly TMS that I am sure of.
Hope to meet many people and help and be helped. Eeeks this is so long. I apologize for that.
~Chris~
)
