Day 8 Introducing myself

Hi everyone,

I'm on Day 8 of the SEP and this is my first public post. It ended up pretty long and I decided to bold the lines that matter to me the most. It is nerve-wracking to write this all down and post it for others to read.

I have read so many posts and responses in the forum and I'm so grateful that this community exists. When I heard about Dr.Sarno's TMS diagnosis and his treatment, I knew without a doubt that this is what I need. For years, I've been saying that I know that there is no structural problem and there's no good reason for me to have pain anymore since my injury is healed. I've been reading about TMS for about two weeks now and I have to remind myself every day that healing is a journey and I have to be patient.

I'm fortunate that my neck pain doesn't stop me from doing much. If you looked at my life from the outside, you wouldn't know that I'm in pain and that I think about my neck consciously at least 30 times a day. Most of the time, it's a 3/10 and when it gets bad, it'll stop me from doing things I enjoy for about a week. But this line of thinking - that my pain isn't as bad or as limiting as others - is something that I need to let go of.

My story
I'm the type-A personality that Dr.Sarno describes in his book through and through and I experienced a wide vareity of TMS symptoms throughout highschool. For a lot of my life, I've been trying to teach myself to be more relaxed about things and I have succeeded in a lot of ways but I also still have to remind myself that I don't have to control everything or organize everything down to the last detail.

When I was in my early 20s, I fainted and fell head-first down a flight of stairs. When I woke up, I got myself up from the bottom of the stairwell and we called an ambulance. The doctor at the hospital told me that I cracked my C7 vertebra and sprained 3 of them quite badly and that there was nothing needed for treatment and I just shouldn't fall down the stairs again. The next day, I couldn't move my head in any direction at all. I never fainted again after that and a few months later, I started my long journey of massage, physiotherapy, accupuncture, strength-training and any other treatment I could think of to relieve my neck pain.

I'm a small woman and physically I'm strong. I bike, swim, run, climb, ski, kayak and have spent the past 13 years trying to convince my body that I'm strong and there is no reason for there to be pain. While I still get to participate in all of these sports and activities, there's fear of injury and pain in my mind and I can't wait for the day when I get to live without fear.

My healing journey so far...
After finishing the Divided Mind, I found this forum and have been re-reading parts of the book and following the SEP. These are my key take-aways so far:

• I have a hard time using the terms TMS and RAGE. In one of the first prompts that asked me to write down things that make me angry, my first thought was that I'm not angry, I'm just sad. I think we get sad when we're tired of being angry. It has taken me a while to embrace the idea that I AM ANGRY.
• I compare myself to others and I believe that I suffer less than others do - my pain is less because I can live such a normal life, my trauma is less, the hard parts of my life aren't as hard.
• On Day 3, I remembered that 3 years ago, after a stressful event while travelling, I leaned over and my low back seized up and I was in excruciating pain. The pain took more than week to go away. On Day 4, I got low back pain again (though not as bad) that lasted for three days. I am seeing TMS in action. I like to think that my body is purging all the symptoms in a panic of emotional release.
• Things that I thought were normal as a child have affected me in ways that I don't yet understand - before I was ten, I lost all four grand-parents and two aunts and uncles who were very young. As I got older, I thought it was weird that my friends' grandparents were still alive but I was the anomaly.

My symptoms
I found it helpful reading about other people's symptoms because it helped me identify some of my own. Something I have always been aware of is how my body has a strong physical response to stress. I have a patch of eczema on my arm that I call my "stress radar." While reading Dr.Sarno's book, these are all the symptoms that and events that I noticed that fit the pattern of TMS:

• Chronic neck pain - this is what brought me here
• Eczema caused by stress
• IBS throughout highschool that is completely gone (note: if you have IBS, I suggest getting tested for H.Pylori, I did have this later in life and getting it treated finally was amazing)
• Infrequent migraines when I was a teenager that went away
• When the migraines when I away, I started fainting
• Acid reflux, which I manage by eating dinner early and not drinking water with dinner
• Frequent urination
• Pinching feeling in my collarbone [recent]
• Low back pain that happened only once when I
• Massive headache the day after I quit working at a really stressful workplace
• Extreme pain my shoulder after an emotionally traumatic event

 

Thank you for sharing your story with us. And welcome to the Forum! You've made a great start and are definitely in the right place. Keep letting us know how you're doing and feel free to ask questions any time.