Intro to me and finding progress stalling a bit

[oozeworthypayana]

Hi there all, I found this concept and then this site almost 2 weeks ago so am still very new, have just worked through day 13 on the SEP. My issues began some years ago as knee pain, it all seemed simple then, running caused my knee pain so I had to stop/adapt and it would go away. This kept me from running which has been my saviour in terms of mental health and crucially my self esteem. I went through a cycle of running, knee flare ups, not running. Also had occasional achilles issues. About three years ago I started to have the occasional lower back pain. I have seen: physi0 x 3, sports physio x3, podiatrist, sports masseur, chiropractor, back specialist x 2, knee specialist x 2 and my GP many times - also a kiniesiliogist and an Myofascial release woman! I have had MRIs and X-rays. I have also tried pilates and core strengthening. So you can see i have tried everything!!!

About 2 years ago I finished seeing back and knee specialist who both said that the pain I get in my legs is NOT related to the 'degenerative disc disease' and 'patellofemoral chondral degeneration'. They both basically said it was age related (was 41 at this point) and that as the 'damage is done' i probably won't make it any worse by running. So I decided to carry on and my strategy has been when it is bad, I walk, when it is bearable I run. I felt that was the best I would ever get which was hard to deal with. I travel a lot for work and have to take cushions or therapy balls to sit on as I got so much pain sitting for any length of time.

So - two weeks ago I come upon Sarno's book and read it in one sitting on the train. I could feel bells ringing in my head. I began to feel less pain as I read. For the next week I could feel my symptoms diminish. Running was easier, sitting was easier. I began to journal and form my own set of phrases to get my unconscious to accept what I believe to be the case. This week however, progress has stalled, I am better than before I started I know but I think I am impatient, I want to be better! I am recognising that the past two years have brought major work stress which have brought out my inner 'coper' - I hate to be seen to not be coping so don't ask for help. There are also a myriad of family issues which are hard to deal with.

So that's where I am, would love to talk to others, I will keep going. I think I try too hard as well as I like to to do things well! I am hoping this is just the beginning of a journey.

 

[Ryan]

Welcome aboard, perseverance and faith go a long way in tms healing. Nothing will happen over night, it's a marathon not a sprint. Don't beat yourself up, you will have many set backs its all part of the healing process. Don't let this discourage you or try to work so hard at healing, this will feed the tms.

Take your time and try not to monitor your progress. I see you are a perfectionists, just like me, but try not to be so hard on yourself. i used to beat myself up when i would have setbacks or get frustrated when i felt i wasn't doing things correctly in my healing. You have to accept yourself, the good and bad parts, and know its ok to make mistakes were all human. You may think you have accepted the diagnosis but for some it takes a while for unconscious mind to accept this. Begin to think more mental and be aware of your emotions at all times. Mindfulness at all times was very helpful in my recovery. i then began to recognize what triggers my pain and see how i was emotionally at the time of the trigger. Seems to me your under a lot of stress with family and work. You need to find time to calm your self down by learning to meditate.

Relationship and family issues are a big part of tms problems. Either change them, accept them, or move on. I also would recommend you do Alan Gordon's recovery program on the wiki when you get done with the SEP. I would also recommend you read "The Great Pain Deception."

Hang in there and keep doing the work. Try to enjoy life and live in the moment, be thankful for each day. Find what techniques work the best for you and use them. Everyone is different in healing journey, but never doubt or lose hope. You will heal, just believe in yourself and know deeply that you are going to heal. Keep asking questions on here, there are many people on here with words of wisdom and great knowledge. Best of luck

Ryan

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Oozeworthy, Ryan gives you great advice which I echo.

Having discovered TMS and feelings its healing already is a giant way toward total recovery and a new life beyond that.
Keep journaling about your childhood and family then and now. That's what most of our repressed emotions are hidden.
When we identify them, accept them, forgive those we blame for our traumas, we heal.

Ryan, you really do offer the best advice. Your last paragraph says it all. Bless you.

 

[oozeworthypayana]

Thanks both, I really appreciate your advice and kindness. It is hard when you are one who always wants to do their best not to try too hard at this!

 

[oozeworthypayana]

So - on day 18, can't say it is an easy ride, leg and knee pain is really bad this week. Am working through the journaling. The emotion that crops up the most is that feeling of the child being abandoned. This has happened to me from the age of 1 up till the age of 20. Although my mother has always been there for me as a loving and supportive parent, she always tells me that the child within can not understand the abandonment so the issues with self esteem and people pleasing can always be linked back to that. I wish people could understand what they do when they walk away from a child or young person.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

My parents divorced when I was seven and it left me with insecurities that have haunted me ever since and I'm 84 now.
I didn't realize until learning about TMS how my repressed emotions regarding feelings of abandonment gave me back pain,
but began to heal when I began to forgive my parents. They divorced because of financial problems in the 1930s Great
Depression, and once I realized where they were coming from, I healed. Maybe you should try journaling where you put
yourself in the shoes of those who gave you the feelings of abandonment. They probably had their own TMS.

 

[oozeworthypayana]

That is a really good thought - thanks!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Thinking that others who caused me stress had their own TMS always works for me, to forgive.
Understanding leads to compassion and that leads to forgiving.
When we are kids, we don't think of our parents' or siblings' anxieties. As adults, we can.