Day 23 In the thick of it!

[ahri11]

Overall, half way through and doing well...my journal is filling up and my punching bag has been getting regular beatings!
Jan, if you are reading this, thank you for recommending on another thread, Nicole's recent video on nerve pain. It was a perfect introduction to her work and she's yet another fantastic resource of support and guidance. What is it about TMS folk?! you are ALL such wonderful humans!
The reason I am writing today...I am deep down in the emotional muck and it's fertile soil for sure!
Today I am exhausted. The intense nerve pain at my solar plexus, just under my ribs(anyone else?!), comes mostly at night (pretty steadily for the last 8 years), when I lay down, and it's tending to stay all night long lately. I have a growing list of evidence for it being TMS but without the ability to actually get a diagnosis to have nerve damage/pinching?? ruled out it is feeling like a battle of wills with my rascally brain. These long nights are wearing me down. Somatic tracking, journalling etc; my tools box is growing...I am just not sure how to move beyond not having a structural cause ruled out; I do have significant congenital thoracic spinal abnormalities and my brain uses that to the max...especially at 4am!
I keep reading and hearing "in order to be diagnosed with TMS, physical causes of the pain must be ruled out." But from who, where?! Doctors have been zero help. Specialists(good luck getting into one before next year!) could easily point to structural causes. And of course they would!
I imagine there are many many here that go without that "ruling out" simply because of the lack of doctors who understand? Does anyone have experience/insight to share about how they found their way through the weeds of not actually having a TMS diagnosis? I could just use a little help atm...feeling rather alone and overwhelmed with both the intensified emotions and pain in the long dark nights. Thanks

 

[Cactusflower]

It's all a distraction, and it's keeping you from sleep - therefore doing it's job when it's least convenient and probably frustrating!
During the day, you have probably successfully been able to distract yourself from the distraction of the pain and symptoms. But at night, with nothing else to do...it all comes rushing back and get caught in the loop.
Things you can "do" - try meditating, not somatic tracking. Somatic tracking works great for some people, but learning to let your mind wander and get distracted by thoughts and then draw them back again during meditation is something that worked MUCH better for me in the long run. Somatic tracking worked OK for month or so...
Don't like meditation? Just breathe!
I use ear buds and use Insite Timer (which has a free level) and listen to breathing guides, or meditations, or just music and it has really helped my nervous system break away from some of the loops and it has helped me sleep.
I also started to lay down during the day and meditate, so I could teach my brain that I don't always sleep when reclining or relaxing. The key is to experiment with a sense of curiosity, and no thoughts about any type of outcome. Just see what happens!

 

[ahri11]

Thanks for responding. Yes, meditation is key for me as well. Decades of experience. I hear you with somatic tracking; it depends on the timing for me...night is definitely not the time for it. Funny, I tried the head phones and music (again!) last night...nope. Went right into pain and processing emotions again...this is what my brain is positive nighttime is for so I am working at teaching it that no, laying down/night is for sleep and daytime is for processing all the things. I am experimenting with establishing a more structured daytime routine for processing to encourage this shift...brain isn't enjoying this change of course.
Like I said though, atm I don't actually know it's all a distraction. I am very clear what is TMS, I just don't know that 100% is; I don't have that knowing yet so it is the hurdle just now. I'll just keep trusting the process...