I'm new. My story is long. I would appreciate your input. Thanks.

[Japanchick]

This is long, I apologise. Hi, I've just joined the forum. I'm in the process of reading Dr. Sarno's book for the first time. I actually only bought it yesterday. I had heard about it before but didn't read it. It's amazing how much, even so far, it seems to apply to me. I used to have IBS as a child, along with other problems such as hives, frequent UIs and things like that. I knew my life was stressful, but only recently did I put a reason or name to why. My parents are narcissists. My Mother is especially bad and caused and causes me (and my siblings) numerous problems. Since moving out of that houses my symptoms have eased. I notice that my IBS and UIs come back when I'm stressed. I just never put everything together before. Now I'm 30 years old, I've moved countries and careers. I'm currently living and working in Japan and I partly think I moved to get some distance (both emotional and physical) from my crazy mother. I also moved because I wanted to. I wanted to see other places, live there, experience the world and all that. But since coming here I've heard nothing from my mother except "When are you coming home?" and indeed she constantly implies that I'm an idiot for leaving home, I should be tending to her and all that sort of stuff. I've gone low contact with her to save myself, but it wasn't in time. Here's the kicker. I was doing very well, living my life as I wanted to, etc. Then the big Japan earthquake came.. I'm nowhere near the stricken area, by the way. I'm actually 1000km from that area. But still, my mother overreacted. She went mental. And harassed me to come home, to leave, drop everything about my life and work and come back home immediately. When I say harrassed, I mean that I had to filter my emails, divert my phone, divert my cellphone and other methods. I had to filter calls from siblings too as she had managed to convince them that I was dead, and here's the best one: that I was in a cult and that's why I'm not calling her every day. She lies to everyone constantly and managed to persuade my family members that there was something wrong with me and I was in trouble so everyone should tell me to come home. I was getting upwards of 20 to 30 phone calls a day, at work and when trying to relax. I couldn't take a breath! They have, thankfully, wised up to her manipulation since. Anyway, sorry about the long story. But after and during that I was very stressed. I had never had acne in my life before but it came then and it came with a vengence. It was all over my scalp and face and chest, it continued for months, and even now it comes and goes when I'm stressed or anxious. I never had allergies either, and according to numerous bloodwork and allergy tests, I still don't, but I have to take 2 x 24 hour zirtec every day now. Then I had an allergy to penicillin, although now i'm not so sure it was an allergy. Oh yeah, I should probably mention that I've been on a constant string of antibiotics for months too, and I had no idea why I was constantly sick all of a sudden, nor had any of my doctors. I even had the doctor test me for autoimmune diseases with negative results. I'm off the antibiotics now and hope to remain that way, but the allergies are moving around. I'm still taking the zirtec for respiratory problems but now, on and off, the skin conditions vary between eczema, dermatitis and acne in different places. At the moment it's flaring on my chin, since yesterday. I'm pretty sure, after only having read a little of this book, that all of these things are psychosomatic for me. I need to learn to deal with this and get a hold on my subconscious. I am happy this forum exists. I am starting my journey today. I have never commented on one of these forums before. Any advice on how best to use this site? Is the Educational forum a step by step workthrough or mostly support? Any information anyone could offer me would be most appreciated. Thank you..

 

[ValVal]

Hi Japanchick-- It sounds to me like you belong here. I am new at this so can not help you much but I know someone will respond with something helpful! Just wanted to say welcome and good luck : )

 

[Lori]

Hi Japanchick. Well, I say good for you for taking care of yourself and deciding to move even though others disagreed with your decision.

We cannot change another's behavior so we need to accept people as they are. I'm sure she is worried about you being so far away, and especially after the earthquake. (I can understand that part because I am a mother). You can't control how she reacts to things, you can only control how you react to her.

I would do the structured educational program on this site as many have found it very helpful. I also see many areas already that I would be journaling on too. How do you FEEL when she calls you, how do you FEEL when she overreacts to things (which probably in her mind is concern, not over-reacting). After getting some feelings out, perhaps decide on some healthy boundaries and speaking up with something like "I appreciate your interest in my well-being. However, please understand that I . . . " You are not doing this to hurt her, and you can tell her that. But it is for your own well-being that you are setting a boundary.

Is it possible something happened to someone she loved in the past and the person left her, died, was harmed, etc.? this could also be where her fear for you is coming from as well.

I would also be reading whichever Dr. Sarno book you have every day. This information needs to sink into our brains and that takes time.

Best wishes on your healing journey!

 

[Birdie]

Hi Japanchick,
welcome to the forum!
I think you're doing absolutely the right thing by protecting yourself from your encroaching mother!
Lori, I agree that such a behavior actually can result from having lost somebody in the past or being overly caring because the person is a very loved and important one. But (under reserve, because I don't know this mother personally) it's probably something different with the severe and patholigic narcissistic person. Narcissists tend to regard other people and especially their children not as individuals. They tend to regard them rather as "extensions" of their own person. The only needs important enough to be met are the needs of the narcissistic person and not of the other person. So if the child of the narcissistic mother begins to seperate and to begin an independent life that's threatening to the mother and she will does everything to prevent that.
Maybe that's something different in narcissistic persons who are able to reflect on that part of their personality. But the really pathological narcissist usually is unaware of this personlaity trait as the other persons are the "bad" persons to safe the one pseudo-grandiose self! So this false part of the self protects the really vulnerable inner core of the self.
Children of such parents often tend to react with psychosomatic problems when it comes to the part of being independent and meeting their own needs (what concretely means to "attack" and disapoint the narcissistic needs of the parent and can result in unconscious feelings of shame and guilt).
Sometimes, if a real and reflected contact with such parents is not possible, distancing (emotially and geographically) may be the only way to protect oneself!

I think you absolutely did the first steps in the right direction, good luck!

 

[Japanchick]

Thank you all, I really appreciate your support. As regards my allergies, I've already had some relief! I have taken 1 tablet in three days now, instead of 2 every day. I really think I can get rid of this particular problem at the very least!

 

[Japanchick]

Did any of you notice that your symptoms got worse when you started trying to deal with your stress? My body seems to be fighting back against my willingness to rid myself from TMS. As of this morning, my entire right arm is covered in a rash and the eczema on my scalp seems to be coming back. How do I deal with this? Should I treat the symptoms medically or just ignore them and try to work through it? Any advice anyone could give me would be great. I don't know if I am feeding the symptom by giving it treatment or attention, or if I should treat them during the time I'm going through the harder parts of my recovery? Thanks

 

[Forest]

Sometimes our symptoms do get worse as we begin to do this approach. As your unconscious recognizes that you are starting to realize what is going on, it puts up a last ditch effort to bring your attention back to your symptoms. Recognize what is going on, and realize that the symptoms are benign. Stopping all physical treatments is core to recovering from TMS. If you are treating your symptoms with physical modalities, there is a large chance that you will continue to think physical about your symptoms. Having a doctor rule out any serious medical condition is key, but once that is done you can have confidence that your symptoms are benign.