I'm back...

Hey all

I'm back......

How annoying. I thought I was OK.

My brain and spine MRIs came back absolutely fine. It was enough to help me cope for 6 weeks.

Then the panic set in.

Even when I'm "good", the hypervigilance and checking is clearly an issue and my nervous system is always bracing. The 24/7 nature of my sensations I must say continues to cause me doubt.

I've realised that I fill my time with so much just to distract. I don't feel safe.

I'm determined to get there... this time...

Much love

Charlie

 

We believe in you, Charlie!

 

Hi @CharlieEvans180

You may be at the point you need help feeling safe enough to ease up on the bracing. For some of us, we've done it for a long time (like myself) and it can be just as ingrained in the brain just like other habits like personality traits, worrying, hyper vigilance etc. Working with either a trainer - someone who is great at dealing with people who tend to have fears eg. someone who works with older patients or folks who are just regaining mobility after long illness might be beneficial - a PT or a personal trainer. Someone who can encourage you and keep you focused on "other" things (my PT gives me cues to think about that take me away from my hyper vigilant "things". He is very encouraging with all movement and mainly talks about the things I can do outside of the home to broaden my scope.

How to become less hyper vigilant at this stage... distraction! Ha! By that I mean keeping a keen awareness of your emotional state at some point in the day but not constantly - just a time to allow yourself to feel it all...and then spend your days with distracting things that are engaging to other parts of you. What are your interests? What's fun? What things can be both a distraction and be of personal benefit to you (I recently enrolled in free e-classes from my local library and will finally earn my ASL certificates!) Not everyone has accesses to such privileges, but there are so many things that we can "Do" even while in pain - learn an instrument, art classes, improve cooking skills, go to free gaming nights (many game stores have these), book clubs (I wish we had some in person ones here) ... such bountiful opportunity to practice TMS skills while doing these things and having some brain engagement to be a good distraction!

What do you love? What did you used to love but find the idea of engaging in it very hard now?

 

That's great @Cactusflower . Tbh I do lots of fun things. I'm 100% mobile as I know it's sensitization so don't not do anything.

I think I just have awareness now that even when I'm 'good' I'm checking all the time. I'm in this boom and bust cycle. But that's my fault. When I come out of a bust, I stop doing the work!!!!

Thanks so much for replying. There's lots of hope in that