I want to break free

[Delphy]

Hi,
My so-called name is Delphy. Obviously, I don't feel comfortable in my own body, thus the imaginary name. My personal hell started two and a half years ago, after prolonged stress, work and family pressure, emotional prison.
Pain, burning, twitching, numbness, pins and needles, extreme tension, you name it, I had it. Not enough medical evidence for such extreme symptoms they said. Googled every condition possible, tried almost anything that western and eastern medicine offers. Tried yoga, EFT..
I read Dr Sarno's book and afterwards had first couple of pain free days after a looong time.
I figured, that's it. It must be. I am trying, but obviously I cannot do it alone. I have been doing it alone all my life and look where it brought me. That's why I'm here - to get some support in the process because I want to break free.
I am 44, married, mother of two (or shall I say three - I have a dog whom I adore), stresfully employed and everbody who "knows" me think I am the happyest person in the world, strong, competent, problem free...What a burden to carry around.
Please, don't mind my English. I am not a native speaker.
Once again, hello to you all and I wish you a merry break free.

 

[Simplicity]

Hello and welcome to the forum!

I'm new here too and I have found it very helpful. I can definitely relate to what you are writing... just know that you are not alone.

Kindly
Simplicity

 

[Delphy]

Hello and welcome to the forum!

I'm new here too and I have found it very helpful. I can definitely relate to what you are writing... just know that you are not alone.

Kindly
Simplicity

Thanks, Simplicity.
I appreciate your support.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Delphy. I too am a real dog lover. My black Lab Annie and I are best pals.

I'm glad you discovered TMS and Dr. Sarno.

Have you begun the Structured Educational Program, free in the subforum of this web site?
It has helped many including me to discover the TMS emotions causing our pain.

You are now part of a very caring community of people who know what you are suffering. The replies can be a big help in healing from TMS.

 

[Delphy]

Hello, Walt.

Thanks for the reply. About being a dog lover, I can only say I regret not being more open earlier to learn about life and love from these beautiful and simple beings.

Yes, I read the intro and Week 0, peaked a little into Week 1. I guess I wasn't ready to commit (to myself). When I think about pain in emotional and body-mind terms, I get outbursts of anxiety. Still, I am getting some secondary gain with this bodily hell, only I cannot figure out what kind and for what purpose.

But, the evidence is there:
Two years ago I was packing to go on a three day tourist trip, I wasn 't experiencing any pain that day. I got sudden anxiety attack, pain and burning came, mind was put at ease I spent three days barely walking around beautiful sites, with pins and needles in my hands and feet, excruciating pain in neck and lower back - but with bearable thoughts. This was the first time I asked myself could it be, was my body distracting my mind from going insane.

I have read a lot about body-mind connection, deep down inside something is telling me this is true. However, I cannot connect with supressed anger being the major cause (denial?). Though, I could be angry at me, even very angry.

As of tommorow, I am starting Week 1. The only thing I am worried about is my inconsistency, or better to say I am prone to falling into a mind trap for my mind constantly whispers - give up, there is something wrong with you, go to another practitioner, wait until you finish this or that, there is more important things you should do...These thoughts come by themselves, uninvited, like they have their own mind and logic, and I give in usually. This also is a reason to join this community. To support and be supported to keep the focus.

I would like to think I am bigger than this malady.

Friday is a good day to pick a fight, isn't it?