Hey all, I'm new here. Well, I think I came around maybe 3 years ago but very briefly and couldn't understand the idea of mind-body medicine. I am 26 years old and have been suffering from chronic pain, what is called fibromyalgia, since I was 13 years old. 13 years!! My entire life has revolved around fear, and what Dr. Sarno says is "goodism". I am a goodist to the extreme, to the point of hurting my qualify of life. I have pain in all mostly all joints, TMJ, tension headache, and all that stuff. Like most all of you, I have seen over 10 doctors and spent thousands in treatment, mostly not going anywhere. I have seen multiple counselors. I have a constant tightness in my stomach of anxiety and am clear that this is causing the pain, as when the stomach tightness and anxiety/fear began, the pain began. I hold all of that in of course and struggle to get through the days, previously hoping for a miracle pill or something like that.
I'm just going to begin from the starting point as the beginning is probably very important. When I was 12 or 13, I was probably one of the first victims of cyber bullying. It was not major, but it was just some anonymous person who I later found out who it was, kids from a neighbor school, telling me I sucked and they didn't like me. I was better than them at sports. For whatever reason, this made me very depressed for like 3 months. My personality is that I don't want anyone to dislike me, or at least was. There really was no resolution. That was in December, and in March I became sick with an auto-immune blood disorder, ITP, which basically means you bruise easily. I am convinced this was caused by my emotions and feeling crappy to take my mind off of the bullying issue.
Then as a treatment I took corticosteroids, which really messed me up. This is when the physical pains began. All of my joints began hurting. I see some doctors and nothing comes up. I fear the worst. Me being me, I check the Internet and boom, taking corticosteroids can result in Avascular Necrosis, joints dying. I thought I had this awful disease for most of my high school life, or at least some other crazy illness. Thinking that and not letting it out messes you up. I was actually quite good at basketball, was first team all state, and had a scholarship for basketball in college. Confusing that I could play basketball but have a serious joint problem, right? Anyways, my plan was to get to college, bring up the joint pains, find out I have some kind of physical problem, be called a hero or tough guy for playing with it, and move on. BUT, MRI and x=ray and you name it showed nothing. After this, I became a huge introvert, drank, became a gambling addict, and have been wrestling with the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia for the past 5 or 6 years. Don't get me wrong, I think I have good qualities, but repressing and supressing emotions does not make it easy for the good qualities to come out.
I am going to stop there, but just want you to know I appreciate you reading, I fit Dr. Sarno's description to a T, and I want to get better. I am afraid of revealing my true self, or talking about my feelings, or even writing my feelings, because I am embarrassed what other people would think if they found about my past or how I really feel or who I am. I can't express myself and I feel emotionally challenged. I have days or weekends where I don't even talk to anyone or go outside. I know I need to get emotional but I haven't for 14 years and it is difficult. Help me please !!
I'm just going to begin from the starting point as the beginning is probably very important. When I was 12 or 13, I was probably one of the first victims of cyber bullying. It was not major, but it was just some anonymous person who I later found out who it was, kids from a neighbor school, telling me I sucked and they didn't like me. I was better than them at sports. For whatever reason, this made me very depressed for like 3 months. My personality is that I don't want anyone to dislike me, or at least was. There really was no resolution. That was in December, and in March I became sick with an auto-immune blood disorder, ITP, which basically means you bruise easily. I am convinced this was caused by my emotions and feeling crappy to take my mind off of the bullying issue.
Then as a treatment I took corticosteroids, which really messed me up. This is when the physical pains began. All of my joints began hurting. I see some doctors and nothing comes up. I fear the worst. Me being me, I check the Internet and boom, taking corticosteroids can result in Avascular Necrosis, joints dying. I thought I had this awful disease for most of my high school life, or at least some other crazy illness. Thinking that and not letting it out messes you up. I was actually quite good at basketball, was first team all state, and had a scholarship for basketball in college. Confusing that I could play basketball but have a serious joint problem, right? Anyways, my plan was to get to college, bring up the joint pains, find out I have some kind of physical problem, be called a hero or tough guy for playing with it, and move on. BUT, MRI and x=ray and you name it showed nothing. After this, I became a huge introvert, drank, became a gambling addict, and have been wrestling with the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia for the past 5 or 6 years. Don't get me wrong, I think I have good qualities, but repressing and supressing emotions does not make it easy for the good qualities to come out.
I am going to stop there, but just want you to know I appreciate you reading, I fit Dr. Sarno's description to a T, and I want to get better. I am afraid of revealing my true self, or talking about my feelings, or even writing my feelings, because I am embarrassed what other people would think if they found about my past or how I really feel or who I am. I can't express myself and I feel emotionally challenged. I have days or weekends where I don't even talk to anyone or go outside. I know I need to get emotional but I haven't for 14 years and it is difficult. Help me please !!
