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I feel like there might be something fundamentally lacking in my understanding of TMS

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by music321, Aug 3, 2025.

  1. music321

    music321 Well known member

    I'm not sure I know how to follow the teachings of Sarno at all. My particular manifestation of TMS is MECFS.


    Some people have said that the key to getting over MECFS is to use the various TMS techniques, and then the problem will go away. Others has said that this is not the way to go, and I should stop focusing on trying to heal myself through meditation, positive affirmation, etc., and simply get back to living, even though my body feels utterly drained.


    Others have said that this is the wrong approach, and that I should not be "pushing through" anything. If my body feels utterly worn out, I'm not going to get anywhere by trying to "push through" it. Doing so would be an exercise in resistance.


    Last night, I thought to myself that the key to all of this is just surrender. I felt very much worn out physically, as I had done exercise the day before. It's not pleasant to have a great difficulty moving around, sitting up, and so forth. I told myself that I shouldn't have these feelings, I should just be able to accept my present physical state. Whatever I would feel frustration and restlessness, I would just tell myself that things are OK.


    I woke up this morning and thought that by telling myself things are OK, and then I'm fine being laid up physically, and not being true to myself. I allowed myself to experience, frustration and dissatisfaction with my physical condition. It felt cathartic. I started shaking a little bit, and was able to release some tension that I built up since last night by trying to retrain my brain.


    ----

    I kind of think that maybe the best thing to do, is to do some meditation here and there just to keep myself calmer, if possible. The goal of the meditation shouldn't be to get to someplace of increased propensity for healing.


    As a result of being shut in my house with the weakness and so forth, it's an agitating situation. Taking deep breaths and trying to be relaxed in the face of it all seems to be doing nothing. Being completely pissed off about the situation seems to be the opposite of acceptance, but it seems true to my emotions.


    I feel like all of this is an exercise in trying to do a little bit of one thing, but not too much, but then trying to do a little bit of another thing.


    I have thought about just getting back to living, and starting to drive, etc. Given my present physical state, I just don't know if this is a wise thing to do. I kind of feel like the only way to live a normal life, is to start living life.


    A TMS practitioner that I've been working with has said that there's no need for me to force myself physically. I can just let the ability return as it chooses to. As someone on this forum said, I can't fight my way through this like a boxer in a ring. I need to let go.


    The TMS practitioner also said that there's nothing physiologically wrong. Others that have recovered from MECFS have said that they needed to do things slowly, to work with their body, and help it get back on track. In other words, they were living as if something was wrong, but with the intention of healing.


    After spending quite a bit of money on consultations, and trying to live and think in a way that will get me through TMS, I ultimately have gotten nowhere.


    As I say, part of me thinks that I should stop thinking about TmS altogether, and just get back to living. But I am weak. This is objectively true as a result of having lain around in bed for a long, long time. As for the strength and endurance I do have, when I wear myself out, I'm simply worn out.


    And again, do I simply push through, or does that tell the brain that there's a problem that needs to be pushed through. Do I sit around and rest when I need to rest, or does that tell the brain that I need to rest? Do I sit around and chant to myself that everything is OK, telling my brain that there's a reason that I need to sit around and chant, or do I not do this, because normal healthy people don't do this?


    I'm kind of stuck. I feel like I'm going in circles. If anybody could offer suggestions, I would appreciate it. thank you.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2025
  2. BloodMoon

    BloodMoon Beloved Grand Eagle

    That's what happened with me. I was bedridden and housebound with so called 'Fibromyalgia' and ME/CFS. I did mind/body/TMS work to try and lose my 'Fibromyalgia' and myriad of other symptoms, which included IBS. As I slowly worked on that, the ME/CFS gradually went away, which I was not expecting. (I still find talking for a long time, especially over the phone, can sap my energy and exhaust me, but that's absolutely nothing in comparison to how much my ME/CFS debilitated me.) The approach I took was to take 'baby steps'. If you're interested, see my recent thread here: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threa...philosophy-of-kaizen-an-article-a-book.30108/ (Of note, is that I don't mention about my ME/CFS success through 'baby steps' in the thread only because most people on these forums are doing mind/body work for pain and other discomforts.)
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2025
  3. music321

    music321 Well known member

    Thanks, I appreciate it. I wish there was more of an emphasis on MECFS on this forum.
     
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  4. music321

    music321 Well known member

    To be clear, this has nothing to do with "pacing", Right? It wasn't that you limited your actions based upon pain or lack of strength, but rather based upon your degree of psychological agitation, right?
     
  5. Diana-M

    Diana-M Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, @music321
    I related to your post. I don’t have exactly what you have. But other things have me very limited physically. I’m not tired. But I’m currently very weak. (It’s hard to even do small things.) It all came on after I had Covid about 18 months ago, but it was brewing before that. I have a hypersensitive nervous system. It basically shuts you down. What you have and what I have are just other forms of TMS.

    I went through all the lines of thinking you are exploring. And I tried them all. Do I push? Do I chill? Do I accept? But how do you accept what feels like your life is over?! It is maddening. It really is.

    I’m coming up on 18 months on this forum. I have been working very hard—(probably too hard.) But learning SO much and changing so much for the better.

    My best advice to you is what I tell myself every day: If you don’t give up, you will eventually come out of this on the other side.

    It doesn’t really matter which approach you take. Just keep trying—but not too hard. TMS will teach you. It’s like a purging. Finally one day, you wake up accepting and patient. You see beauty in life again, even though it’s not how you want it to be right now.

    Little by little, you’ll go forward. Even though it doesn’t feel like progress at all. It’s slow. But you can win going slowly.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2025
  6. Cactusflower

    Cactusflower Beloved Grand Eagle

    "Last night, I thought to myself that the key to all of this is just surrender."

    Oh, you already know what to do. Good for you!
    I think with Sarno, you might simply look into what you relate to. Do you relate to the personality traits he mentions and if so, which parts of those traits serve you, and which don't. Think about the parts that don't serve you, if any and then simply make a decision to minimize those things in your life. Notice when they take forefront, and recognize how your mind and body react. That's a small but profound way to do his work.
    Forcing yourself to stay "calm" is not quite the answer. Working towards changing the way you view and think about things. Work towards being curious about the way you mind and body react to things - are you a person who has that OMG AHHHHH! reaction or can you stand back and take a breath and be curious about why events, etc. are triggering to you. Sometimes it's about limiting the external things - news, social media, and finding ways to engage your mind (for as long as you can without exhausting it) with, as you mention meditation, or poetry, knitting, or listening to music, reading or whatever it is that provides some mind stimulation in a way that is tolerable and enjoyable.
    You will want to begin slowly tipping the scale in the direction of "enjoyable" vs. tolerable, and it can be really hard to do. I had to actually force myself to engage in doing activities I once enjoyed - and be satisfied with engaging in it for short periods of time. I was creative: Because I am a gardener who could not yet garden, I made lists of flowering plants in various colors that I might one day like to try. I drew the leaves of my houseplants and learned everything I could about each plant, I listened to music focusing on picking out each instrument etc.

    There is actually quite a community of TMS folks who work within the MECFS field. Rebecca Tolin, who was my TMS coach healed from MECFS and this is her special focus. Sam on the Mindful Gardener page also healed from MECFS - and talks about "Surrender" using different words, but uses the same ideas. I found someone interviewing her about her journey on Youtube, and that was very insightful and more clear cut than her videos on Mindful Gardener. She instills hope and the understanding that you nervous system will get back into the "swing" of things and be able to move between all of it's states, and that it can be a slow process but it will happen.

    I have a much milder version of exhaustion, which is in a bit of a symptom flare right now. I've learned not to sweat it, and work with what I can tolerate - to balance the responsibilities of daily life with things that are more enjoyable. The isolation is so difficult but you will be able to engage with others again, and build back your relationships. Until then, pick one or two trusted souls you can occasionally phone, a few you can text. Send letters or notes to others and stay connected.
     
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  7. NewBeginning

    NewBeginning Well known member

    Love this so much! And, what a great way to allow for that shift in mindset, ie. what CAN I do? Thanks for sharing this with us.
     
  8. BloodMoon

    BloodMoon Beloved Grand Eagle

    As I understand it 'pacing' in ME/CFS 'therapy' is based on the concept of staying within the "energy envelope", meaning living within the limits imposed by the 'illness' to avoid triggering relapses and usually involves establishing a sustainable baseline of activity. (I've put 'illness' in inverted commas because with mind/body/TMS symptoms, of course, they are not caused by an illness.) I didn't do that, no.

    However, as I advised you, I started TMS work to deal with wide-spread, severe muscle pain and a load of other symptoms to include IBS (at that time I hadn't read that Dr Sarno advised that TMS can be in the form of ME/CFS) and so my recovery from ME/CFS was quite unexpected.

    I used and still use 'baby steps' for everything... for physical activity and for things like meditation, mindfulness and visualisations and when taking up new interests. I always start with doing things time-wise for the bare minimum (I think 'small') and then very gradually I add to what I do (which doesn't scare my brain). I never tried to establish a 'baseline' of anything to work from or to work within, but I did slowly increase my activities in teeny weeny steps, so I suppose in that sense some people might term it as a form of pacing, but it's not actually 'pacing', it's about continued progression.

    Anyway, once I started doing this it was like something in my brain changed, I stopped 'pushing', stopped striving, stopped resisting (wishing things were different), stopped worrying about whether it was fear and/or buried rage that was my problem (but I did come to the conclusion that fear was a big factor for me).

    The bedrock of my recovery thus far from having been bedridden and housebound: I wholeheartedly believed my symptoms to be caused by my brain plus I took Dr Sarno's advice to "gradually" get on with normal life and I did so without pressuring myself with any targets to meet in a certain time or by a particular date.

    The fact that my ME/CFS has virtually disappeared as a 'by product' (for want of better way of putting it) seems to me to indicate that focusing on other things, not thinking about my ME/CFS, was a very important factor.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2025
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  9. music321

    music321 Well known member

    Thanks for the detailed explanation, I appreciate it
     
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  10. feduccini

    feduccini Well known member

    I don't think it's the opposite. It's being real to yourself and accepting where your mind are. Feel this anger, clench your fists then release it. Do it several times and notice how it feels in your hands, arms, chest, face...

    There's a complete lack of empathy in this "pushing through" advice you got. You got find your pace challenging yourself in a way it doesn't send you to bed for days. It's a thin moving line but you get there.

    And you're not stuck, don't use your symptoms as a measure, they're misleading. You're just covering the bases. There's in fact a lot of contradiction in this area. It's kind of all to new and with a lot of discoveries being made.
     
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  11. Diana-M

    Diana-M Beloved Grand Eagle

    This is such a soothing gentle way to live. I can actually feel my body loosen when my brain just even hopes to believe that I will go easy on myself.
    This is a huge part of the relief one can give oneself.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2025
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  12. Diana-M

    Diana-M Beloved Grand Eagle

    Nice technique for feeling anger! Thanks!
    Love this!
     
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  13. Diana-M

    Diana-M Beloved Grand Eagle

    This is a cool idea!
     

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