I could use some encouragement with a challenging symptom.

Hi everyone,

For those who don't know me, I've seen huge progress and healed from a bunch of stuff in the past year. Still, I have a TMS personality and lead a high-stress life and I'm not free of the merry-go-round of symptoms yet.

Three days ago I put on a pair of shoes I don't usually wear to take a short walk. They were uncomfortable (higher "drop" than I usually wear and a bit too big) but I stuck with them for the walk. This was two days before I was scheduled to go on a hike with friends. I was nervous about the hike because we had been sick for two weeks -- and I get nervous about shoes ("do I have good enough hiking shoes?") -- and I was socially nervous -- and the last time I went on a hike I didn't have as much endurance or speed as the other hikers (high schoolers). (But I finished the hike! Yay!).

Sometime after the walk my feet were hurting. They often hurt while I run and I TMS technique it away, so I let it be. I felt great emotionally the next morning (first good night of sleep in two weeks!) though my feet were a little sore. By midmorning I was starting to have pain in the top of the ball of the foot and the base of the toes on one foot. By midafternoon I was limping.

It hurt in the night and in the morning. I went ahead with the hike. I had a great time (although some social nervousness, too) and I felt really good afterward except for the pain in my foot. I had to go grocery shopping so I hobbled around two stores later in the afternoon. It hurt.

This morning, pain again. Onward I go. Calves are really tight and sore (hiking!). I'm still puttering about the house; went to church, did some gardening and cooking, having dinner with friends with the family tonight. The other foot is now flirting with similar symptoms.

Well, here's the thing. It makes so much sense to me for it to be TMS. Can you really hurt your foot so badly from one 3/4 mile walk in "different" shoes? Probably not. As Jim Prussack says, if you're doing something that is ordinary for most people, you probably didn't injure yourself.

But my mind goes to all the shoes -- "your calves are tight from running in 6mm drop shoes" "you didn't hike in the right shoes" "your feet are weak, you've injured them" "if you treat it as TMS and it's a real injury, it won't heal" "if you rest, it's bad -- if you run or hike or walk, it's bad."

In other words, major thought loops and fear.

I want to think that it will subside in a few days either way, if I'm treating it as TMS. I don't want to go to the doc because chances are they will diagnose it and then I will have to fight against medicalization of it in my head and behavior even further.

I know you can't tell me if it's TMS. I'd like some experienced folks to confirm to me, if you agree, how unlikely it is for this to be a structural injury causing serious, multi-day pain from a simple walk in ordinary shoes. And perhaps encourage me as I allow this pain and fear to wind down. Running and hiking are my favorite activities and they make such a huge difference in my well-being, and I've been making so much progress with them. I don't want that to stop. In fact, I want to keep running even this week. But I'm afraid it'll make it so much worse -- that it's the wrong thing to do. Still, sitting around isn't great, either.

I read an old thread from @Baseball65 about some similar pain he had in 2023 after running in "bad shoes." He had really similar doubts but it *was* TMS and he resolved it in his usual "go for a hard run/activity and yell at the pain" approach.

My hope is I can muddle along, doing a little resting, a little running/hiking, and eventually it will clear.

So any encouragement is really welcome while I try to just be calm about this and not get too upset about whether or not I'm responding to it "correctly," whether I'm being active or resting. Thank you!!

 

This sounds 100% like TMS to me.

Back in October I developed calf pain that lasted for 3 months just from hearing that my friend POSSIBLY (but didn’t!) tore his Achilles. I had heard this right before playing beach volleyball. My brain is nutso! Fear can do a lot of nasty things. Take it easy on yourself. Rest a little but stay active, I highly highly doubt that even if this were physical that light walking is going to do any damage. Our bodies aren’t as weak as our TMS brains like to tell us they are.

 

Wow! This is such a good example. I'm sorry that happened to you but thank you for mentioning it, as it is helpful to me to hear that this stuff happens to others.
"Our bodies aren't as weak..." thank you.

 

No problem! Focus on this moment being an opportunity that you’ll get through instead of a catastrophe that will worsen. We’ve gotten through every flare so far, right? Why is this one any different? Remember, we are vulnerable when we are feeling good because we forget the fear and panic associated around being in pain. Once that fear and panic is gone, and we should play an active role in pushing it aside, what power does that pain have?

 

@dlane2530 Something that might help shift things: imagine a good friend posted exactly your story here—the short walk in less than perfect shoes, pushing through the hike anyway, the soreness creeping in, and all those nagging "what if it's a real injury?" loops battling with the mind/body/TMS awareness. What would you say to her? Something like: "Look, this is classic brain overreaction—the shoes felt a bit off, your brain flagged it as dangerous, and now fear's turning normal post-walk soreness into a much bigger drama. Take a bird's eye view: just a minor change in how your feet moved that day, amplified by anxiety. No way that's serious damage—your body's strong and adaptable. Keep up gentle movement, breathe through the worry, and it'll fade out like it always does."

You're already really good at spotting this pattern in yourself—so give yourself that same kind, straightforward advice you'd offer her without a second thought. Turn it inward; you've got the insight.

 

@dlane2530
I often have similar reactions to changes - right now it is also shoes. I bought new shoes and I feel different in them, in a GOOD way - however they also create some symptoms.
I have a PT I bounce ideas off of, and we discuss the symptoms in relation to TMS and the nervous system when we meet. He's suggested that when in fight/flight/freeze ANY new stimulus - physical, thought, behavioral, changes to routines and for some people new foods or new and "harmless" medications etc. can create symptoms when these things interact with a heightened nervous system. It is usually associated with unconscious thoughts: eg. it might be "Wow, I feel so GOOD in these new shoes because I get NO symptoms at all" and the moment the shoes come off, there are symptoms - and most likely the subconscious brain has been scanning continuously for threats without us even recognizing it... or of course the complete opposite.
And, sometimes we simply try and tolerate things that aren't working for us. Is the shoe comfortable the moment you put it on? If not, there goes that brain, scanning for threats. For people who are not in fight/flight/freeze it'll be a blip on the radar or perhaps a feeling that they are simply shoes they don't plan on wearing again because of the discomfort. For TMS-ers you might feel the haves and shoulds around spending money on shoes so you SHOULD wear them, or you SHOULD keep trying to tolerate them no matter what.
I think this is where the practice of flexibility comes into play. What if you just try them again in a few weeks (wear your old shoes for awhile) after the symptoms settle down? What if you simply never wear them again because in all honesty, you don't like them? What if you try wearing them again tomorrow with the mindset that they are absolutely not the cause of the pain only the association of the pain? Playing with these mindsets have really helped me tolerate more things and helped me also be more compassionate to myself - why should I wear things that are uncomfortable? What harm is it to acknowledge that some things don't work for me now but might at a later date (this happened with new glasses, I had to leave them in the drawer a few months until I could really get my brain to accept that they were harmless, and I even had an increase in some symptoms when i began to wear them but over a week of telling myself I am FINE, the symptoms faded).

Over time, the impact of such changes have really lessened for me. Now I can wear a variety of shoes: sometimes more symptoms, sometimes not. There is no pattern to it. I can switch between glasses with no symptoms, I can tolerate a variety of clothing when I could only wear things that fit like loose pajamas for a few years. I've begun to really notice and congratulate myself on the nervous system wins. There are setbacks, but that helps me re-focus on mindset, thought patterns and behaviors.

 

Thank you, @BloodMoon ! This is such a compassionate response. I really struggle to be compassionate with myself and that's probably part of why I get into these loops. I will try speaking to myself in the way you suggest!

 

@Cactusflower Thank you so much for this. I have also made progress in these areas -- for example, I can now wear a hairband around my wrist when it's not in my hair, something I wasn't able to tolerate for about 20 years. And I have been working on shoes. And clothing is improving, too. Also positions of the body, activities, etc. And glasses -- ha! Don't get me started!

The money...the shoulds...I had never thought of this as part of the TMS brain but YES. I can't let go of what "should" be in either direction. Which turns into a bit of self-torture.

I've been thinking a lot today about outcome independence. I think I kept wearing the shoes on the walk (I thought about walking barefoot instead!) because I wanted to teach myself that the shoes were safe. But a non-TMS person would probably either have thought, hm, these shoes aren't great, I won't wear them again OR would've just thought, OW, I'm taking these off! And in either case, not given it a second thought. Maybe outcome independence is mostly about not giving the experience -- whatever it turns out to be -- a second thought.

Thank you. You've helped me get some new perspective on some things.

 

This conversation is helping me come more fully to the realization that I sometimes use TMS "work" to just be harder on myself. I really don't need to be harder on myself.

 

I just wanted to add too that our ancestors walked around for thousands of years barefoot and there didn't seem to be any documentation of a foot pain pandemic. Now, we have the best technology we have ever had (even "bad" shoes provide a lot more support and protection than being barefoot) and all of a sudden we have a crisis with foot pain and everyone has plantar fasciitis.

Doesn't make a lot of sense to me! Like what @Rabscuttle said, I on more than one occasion have temporarily inherited the symptom of someone I am working with - it's uncanny until you think about how TMS works and then it makes a lot of sense

The other thing that I got from your post is you talked about the social nerves (and even if you didn't do it on purpose, you probably highlighted it as subconsciously you know that it plays a role here). Often, the symptoms are there to distract/protect us from more threatening emotional situations (it provides us with something to be preoccupied with). To me, just as big a win here is that you went on the hike, and although you had some nerves, it sounds as if you did really well in managing it and not losing yourself despite how you felt.

Just as important as re-assuring the brain that it isn't structural (which is super important - and I'm assuming it is I can't guarantee you that it's TMS), is re-assuring the brain that you can handle these situations and that social fear does not need to turn on symptoms - i.e. I don't need that form of protection and I can handle it. The big shift is when you start to put your focus into the emotions associated with a situation rather than how it impacts symptoms, treating the root cause rather than the symptom - I think you're doing great!

 

Thank you so much, Adam! Yeah, I think the nerves must have been a big part of it. It feels like danger, you know? Thanks for helping me remember that I did some things well here.