Hyper kids and other TMS triggers

[North Star]

I asked my hubby, "Do you suppose my TMS could be flared up because my brain knows I'm going to see Dr. Schubiner next week?" (GERD? check! Skin issues? check! New random shoulder pain? Check!)

He looked at me. "Really?" he replied, giving me that you're so special look. "The Boy was just here."

That would be my oldest - yeah, the one who gave us the travel drama last week. He is loud. I mean really loud. And his friends are loud. Especially the SEVERELY ADHD companion who came along for his visit for the past three.freakin.days. (Think Mastiff with Chihuahua energy. The kid, a sturdy and well-fed specimen, enters a room with the grace of a buffalo, leaving me to straighten pictures on the walls.)

But back to my son. The Boy also likes acapella gospel music which he insists I should like too. I do - in small quantities. But by the time he played "Lord I life your name on high" for the 5th time, I nearly drove railroad spikes through my ears before I screeched at him to shut it the hell up.

The last straw was last night. I was still in a happy place from my Birthday when the meeting of the Loud Talkers (The Boy, the Mastihuahua plus another LT friend) was just getting warmed up at 11:00pm in our kitchen. Ma gawd, these young men have megaphone genes. I booted them out to the patio and resisted the urge to deadbolt them out of the house.

We were all twitchy by the time they left this afternoon.

Gah.

My appointment with Dr. Schubiner can't come quickly enough but guess what…The Boy will be accompanying us since he's moving to Ohio for work. I already warned him we're traveling with a full van and there will be NO room for his music. Not room for one.little.flashdrive. even. NADA. This is a mom and dad trip. And besides, I have all my audiobooks planned out.

I wonder if Dr. S can prescribe me a little something before I meet him...

 

[Colly]

Can the Boy catch the train?

 

[njoy]

North Star, my "boy" is in his mid-40s and I love him dearly but we have almost nothing in common. Probably never did except that I used to be intensely interested in him. Now that he is entirely grown up I'm still glad to see him but even gladder when the visit is over. Obviously, he feels the same way since we visit maybe 2 or 3 times a year and live only 30 miles apart! Now, my grandchildren are sliding off the radar and one is still a teenager. I helped raise those kids but we kind of sit and stare at each other during visits. Not how you think family is going to be but I'm sure it's much the same for most of us. Some old friends are the same way. In fact, many of my favorite people are on the Internet. We have so much to talk about!

I love the image of you yelling at The Boy to "shut it the hell up", his acapello gospel music. Mine is a composer and won't let me listen to his music. Won't let me near any of his web sites, either. Thank you, Lord, and do I mean that.

 

[North Star]

Colly, if the train were a straight shot, we would have put him on it already! hahaha Seriously, since we're going to be so close to where he's moving it's not much hassle as long as he brings EAR BUDS.

Njoy, ah, family relationships. Wrestling with the images I had of parenting pre-kids days vs reality are two different things indeed. For the most part, we have good relationships with the kids but our oldest has always been a HANDFUL. I'm hoping as he matures, the drama can settle down a little bit. But I'm not holding my breath. What's most frustrating is how he'll ask for our advice, ignore it, and then stew over life's difficulties brought on by not following some simple advice.

I'm looking forward to hubby and I having time alone sans any teenage drama.

Maybe I should put my other kids on that train too, Colly! hahaha

 

[Colly]

Well just as well you're only 50 with them almost grown up. Most folk I know with kids will be in their sixties when the kids are at University. Scary!

 

[North Star]

We're the "older" parents around here, Colly. Most of our friends had their kids 10 years before us. We had our kids close together so we WOULDN'T be in our 60s with kids at school still. As we thought would happen, empty nest is moving along quickly. Two kids off, one still at home. Bittersweet.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

North Star, my heart goes out to you and your husband for having The Boy with you for three days. One hour would probably
have been too much. No wonder you're eager for a visit with Dr. Schubiner!

I used to live next door to parents of two young boys, one of whom spoke like he was talking through a megaphone. Loud and then some!
It was one of the reasons I finally moved away.

Maybe tell him to walk to Ohio, by way of Alaska.

 

[Leonor]

My son can be very hyper, he is 12 years old. He is also stubborn and lazy, unless he is doing sports, but he is very affectionate and adapt very easily to new situations. I was very surprised when the pediatrician asked him to rate his life from 1 to 10, 10 being the best and he said 8. The pediatrician said it is very high for a teenager. He got only C's in school and one A in physical education. When I confronted him, he said is good enough to pass. I never liked school, but due to my damn obedience I always had good grades, so I just let it go, who cares, main thing he passes.
He is going to summer camp now but not long ago I forbade him to meet two of his friends that were caught doing Marijuana and he said that he was anyway thinking in not being around them anymore. He always has to have the last word. Now he stays home all day after camp and wants to use my laptop, he ruined 4 of them, and not do his summer homework, wait till I scream to do anything, etc. I am recovering, so I am taking it easy. I just bought a car, a Hyundai Sonata 2010 and he was totally excited, because I always had really old cars, until I got sick of it, went to a dealer and bought a great and elegant car, period. I am starting to work more anyway and get out of the house, life is changing yahoo!!
Leonor

 

[tarala]

I think just about every bad TMS flare up I have ever had has been related to one kid or another. I have three, all adults, but somehow they never really go away. Actually they're all pretty great, but I have some really scary scripts in my head about my role as parent: must be perfect, kids should never be unhappy (ha!), I am responsible for their happiness, they must always be "safe," well this is a TMS nightmare.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Tarala, you were a wonderful mother to your kids, feeling so responsible for their happiness.
This should make you feel real good. You have more to give you self-compassion than you think.

Leonor, the new car will be a big morale booster for you and your son. Enjoy!

 

[tarala]

Walt thanks for the encouragement and you make an interesting point: I don't think I have nearly as much self compassion as I do for others.

However I have to disagree about feeling responsible for others' happiness. It's one thing to demonstrate care and concern for another, but something else entirely when my own peace of mind is dependent on another's emotional state, life choices; etc. If my kids' anger, sadness or mistakes leaves ME feelimg anxious or unhappy enough that I try to fix or control them, then I'm not doing anyone any favours. TMS is a blessing sometimes as it lets me know the difference between compassion and "rescuing"!

 

[North Star]

Leonor - congrats on the new car! It's amazing how something like that can give you a fresh perspective. I had a little peak into how that works yesterday. A dear friend took me out for my first pedicure yesterday. I'm just so dang cheap and practical I never in a thousand years would have paid someone to put nail polish on my toes.

It was SO much fun! And I really caught a glimpse of the change. My leg has been the source of SO much pain and angst….I've thought in times past life would just be easier if I could just amputate the darn thing. To have some massaging my leg and foot and applying a pretty color to my nails I thought, WOW! This could really change my attitude toward my leg. That small measure of care showed me how adversarial my relationship with my body has been.

Tarala, yeah, kids and TMS. My husband is HUGE on taking responsibility for the kids' happiness. It drives me nuts. My issues with kids is the second guessing I do…have I expected enough…is their issue a result of my inadequate parenting, etc, etc. GAH!

With one moving to OH and my newly married daughter/son-in-love talking about moving there, it's going to get pretty quiet around here. I'm eager for our house to sell so we can move on too.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

North Star, the foot and leg massage must have been wonderful.
One of my bosses at the Chicago Tribune copy desk was so stressed out that
he spent every lunch hour getting a massage by a pro in an office in a nearby office building.
He said it helped him get through the rest of the day.

I had a few massages at the Y and always felt great afterward. A foot massage sounds great.