How watching porn leads to physical and mental pain

[Secret Habit]

Hey all, this post is to encourage you and help you get on the path to healing!
If I did it, you certainly can too

I wanted to make a post to open things up as I have had such amazing results with the TMS process!

I used the TMS journal program and after 5 years of struggling with pain every single day, I was healthy after just 1 month!! This was such a life changing experience

The one problem that occurred is that my porn addiction did not heal... I seemed to be holding onto that one like a vice and would not let go... One thing I want to share with you is the idea that this battle is more about the brain than the heart at the beginning

What I realized was, all of the heart work I had done was SO helpful... When I finally made the real decision to get real about my porn struggle, I started to battle the brain - This finally, after 14 years of addiction, lead to victory!

I am 15 months free from porn and masturbation today! Wow, I almost forgot

I want this to be the start of some bigger conversations to anyone struggling with porn addiction. I truly believe the TMS diagnosis is the key to healing because the behavior of watching is NOT the problem...

We also need to realize that the brain does things that we do not at all know when we are becoming addicted - We literally get addicted in the brain without knowing how bad it is... This is why so many people get stuck forever...

You must combat addiction with emotional pain exercises + brain understanding so you can get the results of true freedom from this HUGE problem

Let me know how I can help - We have created a place for this and are working hard to create a program to best serve the ones who are sick of saying "Ill never watch porn again after today" or "I want to quit porn so bad but dont know how" .

We see too many people trying and failing then falling into the shame cycle of binge and purge... We have a solution and its all on the table for us! Lets start taking this stuff seriously so we can achieve freedom

Freedom is a beautiful thing... It looks like:

• Self respect
• Vocational dignity
• Looking other sex in the eyes without sexual thoughts
• Confidence
• True intimacy with partner
• Better sleep
• True health
• Great sex (no ED, DE, or PE)
• Able to climax with partner
• Enjoy people for their heart and not their body

So many things I hope this encourages you! I dont see enough people talking about it so I felt called to bring this up and be a light in a dar place

Blessings!

-Shawn Bonneteau
Secret Habit

 

[Gigalos]

Great post Shawn! Great timing too, since it is No-Nut-November

A couple of questions:
-What is DE? I guess ED stands for erectile dysfunction and PE for premature ejaculation...(?)
-Could you elaborate the reason why you also don't masturbate? Is this temporary to break the habit or do you plan on not masturbating ever again? Or is it simply that you don't have the urge any longer? I ask this because not everyone has a partner...

cu around!

 

[Secret Habit]

Great post Shawn! Great timing too, since it is No-Nut-November

A couple of questions:
-What is DE? I guess ED stands for erectile dysfunction and PE for premature ejaculation...(?)
-Could you elaborate the reason why you also don't masturbate? Is this temporary to break the habit or do you plan on not masturbating ever again? Or is it simply that you don't have the urge any longer? I ask this because not everyone has a partner...

cu around!

Yes, it is NoPornNovember isn't it @Gigalos? Funny how they try to do these things We need No Porn LIFE

You asked the question I was hoping to get! I just wanted to start this thread off and what better way then to make sure some questions get asked

DE = Delayed Ejaculation, aka. Anorgasmia (Not able to feel pleasure with a real partner due to desensitization)
And yes you got the other 2 right:
ED = Erectile Dysfunction (Not able to keep a strong erection) - I felt this was driven by performance anxiety for me, just for the record if anyone wonders how it happens (Other factors play a part too of course)
PE = Premature Ejaculation (Hyper-Sensitivity to triggers and cues)


Good questions man - I am curious what your take on Masturbation is, just so I know where you are coming from? I will answer your questions as they are good ones but just want to make sure I understand your stand on it first

Thanks for starting the comments on this thread!

 

[Gigalos]

lol

Well, it was mainly my intention to give this thread a push as it is not often that somebody rises the subject or that many people participate in a discussion. Shedding some light on this taboo subject is a good thing I believe.

Thinking about it some more I will only add this... Imho masturbation is fine as long as it doesn't start to become a flight from reality, no matter if you are in a relationship (which is part of that reality) or not. I dare say it is healthy when you do it once and a while, it releases tension and can work wonders if you can't get to sleep Too much of it could mean that you should start asking yourself some questions.
There can be a lot of guilt/fear involved though, which in turn can give rise to TMS. A deep (taught) belief that masturbation is wrong can interfere with natural urges that visit you from time to time, but I think that this is mostly a problem for the older generations and people who live in certain religious communities. Also when you masturbate you may fantasize; if the subject is your partner then it isn't a problem, but when the fantasy involves others it can start to feel like cheating on your partner. I feel that it isn't cheating, although when you start masturbating with others in mind frequently, you might wanna ask yourself if you are in the right relationship.
So, there you go, curious why you stopped completely.

 

[Sofa]

Asking for a friend here..lol
Are you saying TMS and pain was/is caused by this addiction?
Can you elaborate on that a bit? I agree it's a HUGE problem today for so many people just merely due to the easy access factor, etc..

 

[Secret Habit]

lol

Well, it was mainly my intention to give this thread a push as it is not often that somebody rises the subject or that many people participate in a discussion. Shedding some light on this taboo subject is a good thing I believe.

Thinking about it some more I will only add this... Imho masturbation is fine as long as it doesn't start to become a flight from reality, no matter if you are in a relationship (which is part of that reality) or not. I dare say it is healthy when you do it once and a while, it releases tension and can work wonders if you can't get to sleep Too much of it could mean that you should start asking yourself some questions.
There can be a lot of guilt/fear involved though, which in turn can give rise to TMS. A deep (taught) belief that masturbation is wrong can interfere with natural urges that visit you from time to time, but I think that this is mostly a problem for the older generations and people who live in certain religious communities. Also when you masturbate you may fantasize; if the subject is your partner then it isn't a problem, but when the fantasy involves others it can start to feel like cheating on your partner. I feel that it isn't cheating, although when you start masturbating with others in mind frequently, you might wanna ask yourself if you are in the right relationship.
So, there you go, curious why you stopped completely.

Thanks for the in-depth response! Some real gold here I like the way you share about when it is going down the wrong trail and leading to an addiction and an unhealthy habit

I appreciate your insight, your thoughts, and your own experience - I will not disagree with you because I don't know if anybody can 100% confirm if its healthy or not... Heres my only hang up:

As a follower of Christ, my only problem is I cannot find anything Biblical regarding this being ok. I know you mention "but I think that this is mostly a problem for the older generations and people who live in certain religious communities" which I believe is true to some degree BUT let me be clear, I am not "religious" in the way of what most people see religion these days (Religion is a man-made failure plan lol) I just know God made Man and then made Woman so Man would not be alone This is where I cant wrap my head around masturbation in regards to the plan God had for us humans. I do know of a Christian therapist and writer who does believe masturbation can be used to honour God so I am at a point right now where I am researching and looking into as much of this as I can to truly understand where I stand with masturbation.

My experience - Porn and masturbation go hand in hand and I really dont see how many guys (I think it would a very low number) can actually masturbate without thinking of something sexual... I am sure some men can master it (no pun intended) and do it in a healthy natural way but I just see a ton of people throwing up the question of "is it healthy or not" which usually means they are trying to defend it because they know they are not doing something morally right. For me, I have had huge benefits from quitting it all together - I feel closer to my Wife, I don't deal with erection issues, I can orgasm, I can actually feel sensations from my penis (I couldn't feel anything for a year)... Many more. These are reasons why I stopped and will never start again... I believe it can lead me back to these and I personally do look at it as cheating if my Wife is near me within the next few months (I beleive there could be a healthy oppurtunity if Wife and Husband are separated for a long time but could call or skype). I waited over 2 years to have sex with a Wife (Born again Christian at 22) and its the best thing I ever did with my sexuality and my relationship - I believe in restraining 100% and using the energy for other things and for me, it has served me well

Another side note - I have heard of guys masturbating without ejaculation, that way you learn to do it for the masturbation (learning about your body) and not the actual finish, which should be with a mate - This is something I find interesting and could see being healthier because it wouldn't train you in a way to rush or delay that "finish".

Many many thoughts and many many opinions - I want to be honest about it but also be open that I am still learning and trying to get to a point where I am confident in my opinion and not naive about it

Would love to hear your thoughts about this and also more in regards to how TMS and porn go hand in hand (On top of the guilt and fear)

 

[Secret Habit]

Asking for a friend here..lol
Are you saying TMS and pain was/is caused by this addiction?
Can you elaborate on that a bit? I agree it's a HUGE problem today for so many people just merely due to the easy access factor, etc..

Thanks for the comment and the question @Sofa

We all need to be helping our friends

Heres my story - Saw porn at 10 and began a secret life... I would hide it from everyone, would be up late at night, be paranoid about my new habits, and worst of all I had fear, guilt and shame building up

You actually helped me realize how crazy my story is... I started getting a lot of "injuries" early in life which I now know are ALL TMS... I just pieced this together now... YES I do believe all of my pain and TMS issues were related to porn

Obviously, other things lead me to porn so maybe I should slow down a bit and expand but all in all, I would say porn made me hide, which then made all my fear, anger, hate, and resentment fester and burn even more because I hated myself and had such shame

I don't know if this helps but honestly, I believe people lives are so lacklustre beause of porn... A lot of people think they watch porn because their life sucks but really, their life is sucks because they watch porn (instead of dealing with the crap)

I made a video on my Youtube channel about this is you wanted to see it, let me know

Thanks for helping me realize some things about my past while responding!

 

[Sofa]

You are very welcome, Mr. Habit. Continue FORTH with your journey and best wishes for the holidays!

 

[Gigalos]

Thanks for the in-depth response! Some real gold here I like the way you share about when it is going down the wrong trail and leading to an addiction and an unhealthy habit

I appreciate your insight, your thoughts, and your own experience - I will not disagree with you because I don't know if anybody can 100% confirm if its healthy or not... Heres my only hang up:

As a follower of Christ, my only problem is I cannot find anything Biblical regarding this being ok. I know you mention "but I think that this is mostly a problem for the older generations and people who live in certain religious communities" which I believe is true to some degree BUT let me be clear, I am not "religious" in the way of what most people see religion these days (Religion is a man-made failure plan lol) I just know God made Man and then made Woman so Man would not be alone This is where I cant wrap my head around masturbation in regards to the plan God had for us humans. I do know of a Christian therapist and writer who does believe masturbation can be used to honour God so I am at a point right now where I am researching and looking into as much of this as I can to truly understand where I stand with masturbation.

My experience - Porn and masturbation go hand in hand and I really dont see how many guys (I think it would a very low number) can actually masturbate without thinking of something sexual... I am sure some men can master it (no pun intended) and do it in a healthy natural way but I just see a ton of people throwing up the question of "is it healthy or not" which usually means they are trying to defend it because they know they are not doing something morally right. For me, I have had huge benefits from quitting it all together - I feel closer to my Wife, I don't deal with erection issues, I can orgasm, I can actually feel sensations from my penis (I couldn't feel anything for a year)... Many more. These are reasons why I stopped and will never start again... I believe it can lead me back to these and I personally do look at it as cheating if my Wife is near me within the next few months (I beleive there could be a healthy oppurtunity if Wife and Husband are separated for a long time but could call or skype). I waited over 2 years to have sex with a Wife (Born again Christian at 22) and its the best thing I ever did with my sexuality and my relationship - I believe in restraining 100% and using the energy for other things and for me, it has served me well

Another side note - I have heard of guys masturbating without ejaculation, that way you learn to do it for the masturbation (learning about your body) and not the actual finish, which should be with a mate - This is something I find interesting and could see being healthier because it wouldn't train you in a way to rush or delay that "finish".

Many many thoughts and many many opinions - I want to be honest about it but also be open that I am still learning and trying to get to a point where I am confident in my opinion and not naive about it

Would love to hear your thoughts about this and also more in regards to how TMS and porn go hand in hand (On top of the guilt and fear)

I can't wrap my head around any plan God had for us humans, not only masturbation. Luckily I am not religious

That leaves me to approach it from an evolutionary standpoint:
Reproduction is key here. When we think about or see a potential mate, we tend to get aroused in order to reproduce. When there is no opportunity to actually have sex (taken by someone else, not in your vicinity, guarded by fierce fathers/brothers, not in the mood, sick, etc.), we have a way to 'release' the built up sexual tension so we can go ahead with our day to do other useful activities and try again later. Maybe there is also something to be said about that the quality of semen needs to be maximized when there is the slightest chance of reproduction. This could mean that once and a while the old batch needs to get replaced by a fresh one. For women masturbation might be a way to maximize the chance of reproduction too, although I have no idea how that works. Well, that's one way to explain, without any strong evidence to back it up of course. I am certain there many more theories that can explain the reasons behind masturbation.

I don't say you are mad to stop it all together, you seem to have good reasons and it seems to work great for you and your partner. Respect.
I with the other hand will keep releasing any tension in future (pun intended )... in moderation of course.

I will try to post further about a connection between porn and TMS later this week,
cheers

 

[Andy Bayliss]

You actually helped me realize how crazy my story is... I started getting a lot of "injuries" early in life which I now know are ALL TMS... I just pieced this together now... YES I do believe all of my pain and TMS issues were related to porn

Obviously, other things lead me to porn so maybe I should slow down a bit and expand but all in all, I would say porn made me hide, which then made all my fear, anger, hate, and resentment fester and burn even more because I hated myself and had such shame

Hi Secret Habit,

I will jump in here to say that in my opinion you are saying some important things regarding your own experience of injuries and TMS. I suggest that your fear and self-hate, and shame are all cooked into your personality previous to the activation around porn. We all have these elements. The fact porn and masturbation activated or heightened these feelings in you --and you are associating this with health issues, is wonderful. Humans have these feelings, and regardless of porn or masturbation, these feelings will find their way to the surface. Then, those blessed with knowledge will understand how these feelings relate to health issues, and also, perhaps we'll have self-compassion for the (our) human condition.

Andy B

 

[Secret Habit]

Hi Secret Habit,

I will jump in here to say that in my opinion you are saying some important things regarding your own experience of injuries and TMS. I suggest that your fear and self-hate, and shame are all cooked into your personality previous to the activation around porn. We all have these elements. The fact porn and masturbation activated or heightened these feelings in you --and you are associating this with health issues, is wonderful. Humans have these feelings, and regardless of porn or masturbation, these feelings will find their way to the surface. Then, those blessed with knowledge will understand how these feelings relate to health issues, and also, perhaps we'll have self-compassion for the (our) human condition.

Andy B

Thank you so much @Andy B - This is very encouraging to hear! Thank you for the affirmation and adding value that this is a vital point of understanding ourselves

With so many men and women struggling, I want to see more people realizing these things

 

[Secret Habit]

I can't wrap my head around any plan God had for us humans, not only masturbation. Luckily I am not religious

That leaves me to approach it from an evolutionary standpoint:
Reproduction is key here. When we think about or see a potential mate, we tend to get aroused in order to reproduce. When there is no opportunity to actually have sex (taken by someone else, not in your vicinity, guarded by fierce fathers/brothers, not in the mood, sick, etc.), we have a way to 'release' the built up sexual tension so we can go ahead with our day to do other useful activities and try again later. Maybe there is also something to be said about that the quality of semen needs to be maximized when there is the slightest chance of reproduction. This could mean that once and a while the old batch needs to get replaced by a fresh one. For women masturbation might be a way to maximize the chance of reproduction too, although I have no idea how that works. Well, that's one way to explain, without any strong evidence to back it up of course. I am certain there many more theories that can explain the reasons behind masturbation.

I don't say you are mad to stop it all together, you seem to have good reasons and it seems to work great for you and your partner. Respect.
I with the other hand will keep releasing any tension in future (pun intended )... in moderation of course.

I will try to post further about a connection between porn and TMS later this week,
cheers

Appreciate your insight my friend - This is a great healthy conversation

I do have some thoughts on what you said but they would be more in a disagreement which I don't feel is beneficial here. I agree with 90% of what you sai which is still an A right?

If you care to hear my side, I will share but I think you added a ton of value and I am glad we can connect on this topic

Please let me know when you connect TMS and porn and comment back - Looking forward to hearing about it!

 

[Snowman]

Just my opinion. But if whenever you feel the urge to knock one out . Then go ahead . The only one judging is yourself . Not god or anyone....
And also I'm not religious even tho I went to a Catholic school and went to church as a child every Sunday. Someone ounce told me just as long as you have faith that is all god asks ... I always tell ppl to watch the video which has stephen fry taking about religion .... cam post a link private as I won't share on here just in case ppl find it offensive. No swearing in it just ppl views matter I think .
So yeah as I said . If you think masturbation is causing you symptoms then I'll say it stems from feeling guilty maybe. You don't have to watch porn to knock one out remember. The mind can create a better viewing lol

 

[Sofa]

Just my opinion. But if whenever you feel the urge to knock one out . Then go ahead . The only one judging is yourself . Not god or anyone....
And also I'm not religious even tho I went to a Catholic school and went to church as a child every Sunday. Someone ounce told me just as long as you have faith that is all god asks ... I always tell ppl to watch the video which has stephen fry taking about religion .... cam post a link private as I won't share on here just in case ppl find it offensive. No swearing in it just ppl views matter I think .
So yeah as I said . If you think masturbation is causing you symptoms then I'll say it stems from feeling guilty maybe. You don't have to watch porn to knock one out remember. The mind can create a better viewing lol

This is not good advice. I mean no disrespect brother. I do agree that the mind can create better viewing though. That was good. +Rep

 

[Secret Habit]

Just my opinion. But if whenever you feel the urge to knock one out . Then go ahead . The only one judging is yourself . Not god or anyone....
And also I'm not religious even tho I went to a Catholic school and went to church as a child every Sunday. Someone ounce told me just as long as you have faith that is all god asks ... I always tell ppl to watch the video which has stephen fry taking about religion .... cam post a link private as I won't share on here just in case ppl find it offensive. No swearing in it just ppl views matter I think .
So yeah as I said . If you think masturbation is causing you symptoms then I'll say it stems from feeling guilty maybe. You don't have to watch porn to knock one out remember. The mind can create a better viewing lol

@Snowman, Thanks for your thoughts and @Sofa for the reply to him

I cannot agree with anything you have stated here @Snowman... Its just your opinion as you stated so we will leave it at that and ill respect it and be glad you commented.