Day 11 How to handle frustration around symptoms.

Day 11 on the SEP and I can honestly say that in the last week I’ve had 4 days where my pain was a 3/10. This for me would have been unimaginable just a few months ago. What I am struggling with now is the days when it spikes (like today) how do I not panic? I know it’s TMS, I know there’s nothing physically wrong which I think fuels my frustration. Then frustration fuels the pain. I try to carry on like normal but I find myself disassociating again, being in a room but not actually being present because all I can think about is the pain, nothing can distract me. One thing I have noticed is that pain is definitely worse the day after journaling which I know is my nervous system trying to get me to stop. But pushing through when I know I’m going to be in more pain is hard. I keep reminding myself I have to keep going and potentially experience more pain to get to the other side.

 

Hi, Gemma-
Sometimes if the journaling causes too much pain, you’re not giving yourself enough soothing comfort afterwards. Dr. Sarno said you should be sure to get soothing in between your hard mental work. This can be anything that is comforting or even fun to you. Meditating, playing a game, watching a movie you like, calling a really good friend, spending time outside. These are all good things to do in between your journaling sessions.

As far as the days where your pain spikes— That is just going to happen. Count on it happening. Don’t be surprised or disappointed by it. The trick is to learn to train yourself that life is good whether or not you have pain. You Want to get to the point you don’t even care. I know this sounds completely impossible, right? But it’s a good thing to strive for and the closer you get, the happier you’ll be.

I started to see some pretty big progress in this area when I added something really big to my life that makes me happy. I like to write novels for fun, and recently, I started another one. It’s so entertaining and engrossing for me that when I’m not working on it, I’m thinking about it. And really, pain has nothing to do with it. It can’t stop me. This is what I’m talking about; get something like this in your life. Think about even old things you used to do that you haven’t done in a long time, or something that you always wanted to do—And let yourself have those things!

 

I have been doing a lot more with my family but its not immediately after journalling as I do this in the evening before I go to sleep. Should I maybe try and do it a different time of the day?

I find when my pain is lower I can absolutely be happy I can get through this and I feel powerful and then I get a day like today and I want to crumble. I do still try on these days to feel powerful but I just don't

I really used to enjoy reading, but my eyes burn so much when I read its impossible to immerse myself in a book, I do use audio books but I don't get into them the same way I did when I used to read. I have taken to podcasts to try and distract myself.

 

Yes definitely try to comfort yourself after you journal and experiment with different times of day. And if you have some really bad days from journaling, take a break. Be gentle with yourself. I used to journal really hard every day, and if I noticed my pain was up, I would then cut back to a couple times a week. You’ll have to experiment.

This is an interesting phenomenon that I noticed in my own life. When TMS makes something (temporarily) impossible for me to do something— I’m basically in grief and I’m angry about it, so I don’t want to look at alternatives and make them work. One of my more recent symptoms is my hands are cramped up and I can’t type anymore. I wanted to write a novel, but I didn’t want to write it long hand; that made me mad and I felt I wouldn’t enjoy it. Plus my writing is too sloppy. And finally, I decided I would try it anyway. I also practiced writing neater. It felt so slow. But guess what? I love it now. I listen to music in my headphones and I write really neatly and slowly. And I’m very happy. It’s the best part of my day! (Writing is my joy.)

Maybe open your mind to accepting the audiobooks for a while. Think of how they’re fun to listen to while you’re working or, to hear the reader’s voice is kind of like having your school teacher read you a story when you were little. Think of the positive about it and accept that this is a good alternative for now. You’ll see some of your joy come back. Don’t let TMS bully you around. Take back your fun!