How I've started looking at things differently

[music321]

I have made a major breakthrough in terms of healing. I am not completely healed, but want to put this in a place where it might be seen by people that have hit a brick wall. If a moderator feels it would be more appropriate elsewhere, please move the post.

In a nutshell, my TMS journey of healing started when I was told of Sarno and his books. I didn't think that his work lacked value, but I felt that it couldn't apply to me. Later, I read his books, and felt some real relief. I had the common experience where I "saw myself on every page". At some point, I tried to tell myself that everything I experienced was a result of psychological activity. However, I did not recover.

It is theorized that the brain is modular. Different actions take place in different parts. A specific part(s) malfunctions to create TMS. Therefore, a specific part(s) must be fixed to solve the problem. When I "understood" that my pain was caused by psychological factors, I wasn't "understanding" in the right way, with the "right" part of my brain.

I KNEW that the tender points on my ribcage were TMS. As for my triceps tendon pain, that was probably TMS, as far as I knew. As for my ankle pain, I wasn't sure; everything I knew of exercise physiology told me that it probably wasn't. As for the pain in my finger after I was bitten by a friend's pet, that was from a real injury. Each of these examples illustrates a point in a continuum from pain that is clearly TMS to pain that certainly wasn't.

How could I decide that my pain was psychological when I knew that some of it wasn't? Where was the dividing line? This made overcoming TMS impossible. Nothing worked. Finally, a member mentioned to me that even my real injuries were likely the result of my body being dysfunctional as a result of emotional issues. As a physiatrist had said to me, I was injury prone. If I stepped the wrong way and felt pain in my leg, it's not that I wasn't injured, it's that I might have been or might not have been. If I was, it was a result of psychological processes weakening my body. It didn't matter if I experienced pain "hallucinations" as a result of TMS, or real injury as a result of psychological issues; it was ALL mind-body.

I realized that in six weeks, all of my problems physical and TMS-related would be significantly better, if not gone completely. No longer was I caught in the thought loops thinking "well, if 'such and such' physical injury resolves in a little while, my life will still be terrible because some other problem (chronic fatigue, etc.) will be with me." I realized that the limitations that were with me my whole life (problems concentrating, fatigue, etc.) WILL go away in short order.

Most importantly, I started focusing/planning on the future. I am thinking of what my life will be like, and what I will do, when I am functional. This shift has allowed the proper part of my brain to understand TMS.

I am finally healing, after years of getting nowhere.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

It didn't matter if I experienced pain "hallucinations" as a result of TMS, or real injury as a result of psychological issues; it was ALL mind-body.

No longer was I caught in the thought loops thinking "well, if "such and such" physical injury resolves in a little while, my life will still be terrible because some other problem (chronic fatigue, etc.) will be with me.

These are huge, paired insights. I would summarize like this. "The cause of pain (fat is inside me. I understand it, including the fear about it, which is also a distraction, and therefore the pain and fear loses it's purpose. My syndrome of pain and fear is inside me, within my understanding, not being done blindly to me."

Then this comes naturally:

Most importantly, I started focusing/planning on the future. I am thinking of what my life will be like, and what I will do, when I am functional.

And the endless loop becomes loosened! BRAVO!!!

music321, I have never heard this expressed in the way your insight has come. But it has the "gestalt" or completeness characteristic of many others' "lightbulb" experiences. Each person finds their own subtly unique way to come to this "completeness of understanding!" This completeness is hard to write about, and essentially can only be pointed to. This is why there can be disagreements about fine points, or slow progress, trying to apprehend what is at first inconceivable for most. But when you get it, you get it, and you know you get it. And getting at this level means that when and if pain, or fatigue arises, it means so much less than it did before. It is all workable and OK now. Thank you for sharing this.
Andy B

 

[music321]

Thanks for the kind words. You said, "This completeness is hard to write about, and essentially can only be pointed to. This is why there can be disagreements about fine points, or slow progress, trying to apprehend what is at first inconceivable for most. But when you get it, you get it, and you know you get it." I couldn't agree more. This is why I started this thread. I've read the success stories of others, yet I never "got it". I hope that by explaining things the way they make sense to me, I might be able to reach someone that has also had trouble "getting it". We can communicate knowledge, but not knowing. I knew if I tried long enough, it would all make sense, and it FINALLY has. I guess I'm just a bit more thick-headed than most.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi music321,

Yes, your posting is very important, in my opinion, because you get right down to the specific barriers --which have a lot of commonality, and what dissolved these barriers for you. It is also a demonstration of persistence, which is demanding for most people who embark on this work.

I guess I'm just a bit more thick-headed than most.

I disagree with this. Each person finds their own way, and time.

Andy B

 

[MicheleRenee]

This definitely helps me. Radical acceptance of your point in time and space. allowing the thoughts and fears but realizing them for what they are. Only then does the light shine in. And it may not be quick and it may not be pretty but it will be. I've adopted this "attitude" a week or so ago after great success with my symptoms up until mid april then major relapse. I was too focused on losing the fear and FORCING myself to lose it rather than acknowlege that hey yes i still have fear, I can't force this fear to leave, but leave me it will, in time. It's a hard mindset to change but slowly i feel my body appreciating this off and on through the day. Sometimes I think reading too much into theory jeopardizes progress. The best things i've heard on this forum are this right here and a=a a=b. Thank you thank you.

 

[music321]

I've broken through to a further level of understanding. I started my TMS journey by reading Mind Over Back Pain. It didn't sink in, so I read other TMS books, saw a TMS practitioner, etc. I became focused on "accepting TMS as the cause of my problems" since this is what everyone said needed to be done. As much as I tried to accept, I wasn't getting any better.

Two pieces of advice I received were: Do the Structured TMS program, and "Think Psychological". Since a few people had recommended the structured program, I decided to really give it a try. I never tried it previously since I felt it was redundant, since I had exposed myself to so much TMS theory already. After only a few days, I noticed some real progress. A LOT of negative energy has been purged.

As for "Thinking Psychological", I think that this is good advice that's worded wrongly. I found myself intellectually trying to tackle the psychological aspect of the pain. I've come to fine out that "thinking" is not what I really needed to be doing, at least not alone. I needed to begin feeling. Once I started "feeling about" the problems in my life, I've started to heal. I think the real power of the structured TMS program is pulling emotions into the conscious through journaling.

Thanks for all of the advice.

 

[Lou]

This was a very enlightening post for me. I find that I also tend to think in terms of which pain is TMS pain and which pain is "real " pain. How do I differentiate between the two? I see now that it is all TMS. This is the mindset that I need to keep. IT IS ALL TMS.

Thank you for this insightful post. Have a great day!
Lorrie