Day 1 Here we go!

[cafe_bustelo]

This is my second post on this forum—I went into some detail on my story so far in my other post but as I understand it it's not that important what my symptoms are.

I'm very excited to begin the SEP. To be honest, I thought the program seemed a little bit ridiculous when I first stumbled onto it—just a bunch of open-ended journaling prompts. But having actually read and watched the material from the first day I can start to see that a lot of thought was put into this. I truly felt more persuaded of the TMS diagnosis once I sat through the video 20/20 video with Sarno. I wonder how much his cure rate had to do with his comforting voice!

My pain seems to have lifted a little this evening as I'm doing this work, which I'm sure can only be a good sign.

Anyway, I'm posting to keep myself honest. I'm going to do my very best to stick with this, and to otherwise maybe stop spending time researching TMS outside of this unless I'm reading a book on it.

 

[BloodMoon]

My pain seems to have lifted a little this evening as I'm doing this work, which I'm sure can only be a good sign.

It is a good sign that you've had a positive response. I know myself that I felt lifted in spirit and some of my symptoms improved somewhat too when I knuckled down and began doing 'the work'. However, beware of possibly making the mistake of always judging progress by what your symptoms are doing; don't think that if your symptoms go back to where they were that doing 'the work' isn't working for you. For some people it might be a straight path of losing symptoms, but more often than not the trajectory of recovery isn't linear - there can be ups and downs symptoms-wise, so if/when that happens don't be discouraged -- What will be happening is that the work you're doing will be working on your brain 'in the background', without you realising it.

Anyway, I'm posting to keep myself honest. I'm going to do my very best to stick with this, and to otherwise maybe stop spending time researching TMS outside of this unless I'm reading a book on it.

Imo a great attitude and approach!

I went into some detail on my story so far in my other post but as I understand it it's not that important what my symptoms are.

Yes, what symptoms you have is irrelevant - as, with TMS, the brain can create all manner of symptoms; recovery is all about 'thinking psychological'. It's really good that you have taken this on board as a lot of people have trouble with this.

Welcome to the forum, btw! Wishing you well on your recovery 'journey'.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Excellent start,@cafe_bustelo, and I also am impressed at how quickly you have taken seriously the important recommendations that you don't mention symptom details once you've committed to doing the work! In my many years of observations, just the ability and willingness to do this one thing is what leads to success. It's the difference between a proactive state of mind that can visualize recovery vs a victim mentality that will never get there.

Come back to this Day 1 thread anytime things get tough, to remind yourself that it's all part of the zigzag path to recovery -and also to remind yourself of the proactive mindset that will get you past the setbacks. And don't hesitate to ask for support, because we're here to help you hang in there. At this point you certainly have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

 

[cafe_bustelo]

Thank you, @BloodMoon and @JanAtheCPA for your thoughtful replies to this post and my introduction. Reading posts on this forum has helped me along already, and I'm impressed by your kindness and capacity to respond to so many posts.

If I'm being truthful with myself, I have been oscillating between this proactive mindset you describe and the harder days where everything seems impossible. I am lucky and grateful to have a partner in this with me who does not put up with my despairing and forces me to get it together and get out of bed when I'm at my most self-pitying. I think I am slowly moving the needle to where these tougher moments happen less often. I've only been consciously working on that for a little while now, and I'm not expecting changes overnight. At the moment I'm experiencing a flare up, but I'm trying to remember that it always passes and none of this is forever.

Reading from the "Knowledge-Belief-Faith" line in your signature, Jan, I feel I'm doing well at cultivating the knowledge and belief. The faith is the hard part for me, not raised religious and generally a skeptic all my life. I am trying to figure out how to find or build an inner strength and affection for myself that I may have never had to have before, which is slow going. But I think I can do it. I find myself getting emotional writing this, which makes me think I'm on the right track.

 

[BloodMoon]

I am trying to figure out how to find or build an inner strength and affection for myself that I may have never had to have before, which is slow going.

This will grow as you do mind/body work. Firstly, give yourself credit right now for being open to and starting the process in the first place and then, along the way, be sure to praise yourself for 'showing up' to do 'the work'. Be kind to yourself, which includes not criticising yourself for any inconsistencies in how you feel about or what you do as part of the process - no perfectionism. If on any day all you find yourself being able to do (for whatever reason) is to just read a couple of lines from a Sarno book or to pause and focus on lengthening your out breaths for a few minutes, then pat yourself on the back for that... no matter how small, it all counts towards your recovery. What has helped me is that I chose to do just one thing that I try to stick to doing every day, virtually come what may, then if I do nothing more, I can be happy with myself for that (and then getting back to possibly doing more usually feels much easier)... For me that has been doing some gentle movement whilst standing in front of the TV and when I have had a flare in symptoms I have visualised myself doing it instead... For you, of course, it could be something else. Doing this has gradually helped me build inner strength and appreciation for myself.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Reading from the "Knowledge-Belief-Faith" line in your signature, Jan, I feel I'm doing well at cultivating the knowledge and belief. The faith is the hard part for me, not raised religious and generally a skeptic all my life.

LOL, "Skeptic" could be my middle name, and yet I have never had any doubt about my ability to create my own experience and especially to exert control over my health outcomes. Clearly this must be a life skill passed on to me by my parents (who were barely religious, even in the 1950s when everyone attended some kind of religious practice). I think that they also gave me what I believe is a healthy amount of skepticism along with knowing when to trust my instincts and act accordingly. I feel like individuals without these life skills have a tougher time negotiating the emotional repression of the TMS brain mechanism, which of course is actually a normal component of the human psyche.

I still managed to have mild TMS symptoms on and off all my life (as everyone does) but it was very manageable and never significantly interfered until I hit 60 and the repression of age-related rage hit me with a sledge hammer. Which resulted in a desperate search for solutions, which led me to Dr Sarno and the SEP on this forum, and suddenly it all fell into place.

 

[Cactusflower]

Reading from the "Knowledge-Belief-Faith" line in your signature, Jan, I feel I'm doing well at cultivating the knowledge and belief. The faith is the hard part for me, not raised religious and generally a skeptic all my life. I am trying to figure out how to find or build an inner strength and affection for myself that I may have never had to have before, which is slow going. But I think I can do it. I find myself getting emotional writing this, which makes me think I'm on the right track.

Perhaps think of the faith as a growing confidence within yourself. You don't have to believe in some woo woo voodoo to have faith that you can accomplish big things. You're thinking of faith as an entity beyond yourself to believe in something spiritual outside of yourself. You can create a spiritual connection within yourself by actually getting in touch with the inner "you" instead of the concept of you that has evolved over your lifetime as a reflection of what others want and need you to be for them.

 

[cafe_bustelo]

Thank you both, that all makes a lot of sense and resonates very much. I do think I have struggled in the past to trust my instincts, and often have found myself more indecisive than I'd like.

I think I'm making progress though and have been having a lot of realizations very quickly as I start to map out the trajectory of my life and past traumas. It's almost overwhelming actually to start teasing these things out of my brain and then realize, oh shit, this little thing that I thought I didn't care about actually feels huge.