Here I am again

Hello all,

It’s been a long time posting. I was here a while back, posted something which another contributor criticised so I deleted my comment and left, sensitive sole that I am.

Anyway the last decade has been a challenge to say the least. Life changing accident for my daughter, divorce, three job changes, three house moves, C19 with months of isolation, mother’s death and plans to retire next year. Lots of abandonment issues, feeling like a burden, not wanting to be a burden.

In the UK we are offered general health checks as long as we don’t have any pre-existing medical conditions like asthma or diabetes. Normally they take place once every three years. Because of the backlog caused in part by the whole C19 thing, I hadn’t had one for eight years. I do have general blood checks yearly. On the back of the health check, I was sent for further blood tests. I spoke with a GP over the phone (can’t get an in-person appointment for love nor money). She told me one of my liver enzymes was slightly high but nothing to worry about, yet she asked a series of questions that must have triggered my TMS inclinations there and then. She sent me for a bone scan to check for osteoporosis which runs in my family. I then waited 5 weeks to get another phone appointment with a different GP to hear the results. She told me I was on the cusp between osteopenia and osteoporosis (I had been diagnosed with osteopenia over 20 years ago). I could go on medication if I wanted. I said nope, don’t want meds. She then made me explain why. Finally she conceded and said they’d test again in 3 years. Oh, and the liver enzymes thing? Nothing new. It’s been slightly elevated since 2021. Don’t worry about it! Kinda late to tell me that. The first GP hadn’t disclosed this pertinent fact.

Almost from the day I spoke with the first GP I started to experience pain. Type and location irrelevant. After rest, exercise, getting on with my life, it’s still with me months later. Some days are better than others. It’s got TMS written all over it. Perfect storm, nocebos, existential issues. It all fits.

 

“After rest, exercise, getting on with my life, it’s still with me months later. ”

I’m not sure how long you’ve been away (welcome back doesn’t seem appropriate..) but two components we talk about here now is the Think Psychological side of the work and for us older folk (just an assumption) the idea of aging and our personal perceptions of a changing self and also how our nervous system gets stuck in high alert. Ignoring the psychological and just pushing through the stress and anxiety (rage inducers) without doing “calming” or anything that helps us get the nervous system back in regulation which could be meditation, prayer, running, knitting, playing music.. whatever it is for you. As for the psychological, lots of people journal out the inner crud.
Anything that gets the job done!
Hope you are feeling well soon..

 

Sorry to hear about everything you've been navigating over the past decade. Amidst it all, it’s really good that you’ve found your way back here.
I'm just starting the program and it's sounds like most (all?) of us definitely have a "perfect storm" after years of weathering it all that has resulted in TMS or return of TMS, so as you say, it makes sense that this all fits for what you're experiencing.
Did you already do the SEP in the past?
Wishing you continued discovery and support in finding the parts of this that feel most beneficial for your full wellness. It sounds like you already have some powerful awareness and now you can move into the next steps with insight and care.

 

Welcome back, @yb44 !

 

Hey & welcome back!