HELP: I have achilles soreness!

[JoyceVT]

HELP! I have had off and on calf pain recently that was starting to feel better on tonight's run. My left shin (which has been plaguing me on my runs for over 2 years) has had it's ups and downs the past week but it hasn't been too bad. On tonight's run, the minor soreness/sensations/twinges moved from my shin to the top of my achilles tendon area. On my 7 mile moderate run it started at the beginning of mile 4. It didn't get better even as I would concentrate on my other leg that was doing better. Now after my run it's very sore!! I feel this is the worst TMS symptom I've had in the last 6 months. I know it's TMS but how do I do my hard 9 mile run tomorrow with speedwork? I had a very stressful day and learned some disturbing news today. So it would make sense that TMS would strike me hard on my run. I really need help. Any words of wisdom?​

 

[JoyceVT]

This is from my ongoing thread about making it to the Boston Marathon. I posted a new thread for better visibility as I do really need help!

 

[hecate105]

You know that phrase 'Feel the fear and do it anyway'? You will have to feel the pain and do it anyway! Try not to monitor or give any attention to the actual pain whatever (I know this is hard) As you start your run tell yourself (out loud if it helps) I have TMS, any pain arising is due to repressed emotions, I am working diligently to find and deal with the psychological issues I have - so there is NO need for pain. I AM dealing with it.
It may be a good idea to journal/meditate etc before your run, so that you can deal with any stresses that come up. Also try and identify any triggers - why does it hurt when you run? Are you putting pressure on yourself to be 'better', 'faster', 'perfect' Is your keenness to do the marathon stemming from feelings in the past - not being good enough, or always having to get straight As. Do you put a lot of pressure on yourself? - is it realistic? Or have others heaped pressure on you - parents, competition with siblings? Also - is there anything you want to 'run' away from - sometimes our bodies are very literal!
It is by finding, identifying and dealing with the psychology behind the 'appearance' of pain, that you will free yourself from it. Good luck!

 

[JoyceVT]

Hi Jo, thank you so much for your thoughtful and very helpful response. I am so grateful! Firstly I just want to say that this morning my Achilles area feels about 90% better so that is a strong indication that it is indeed TMS!

I do put a ton of self-imposed pressure on myself with the marathon. I love training and running but deep down there’s a part of me that’s tired of all the hard training (on top of a full time job) that I have been doing for the past 6 months. Even though it’s time to taper and my marathon is less than 3 weeks away, I think part of the problem is my inner self is just tired and needs a break. I’ve made a promise to rest and relax after the marathon for a few weeks or maybe longer. So that will be my reward.

I’m a typical runner type A personality. When I take on something, I take it on 150%. It’s all or nothing for me and that’s how I’ve always been. In college I worked extremely hard to get As. I never had pressure from parents but it’s just my own self-imposed pressure. And I’m doing this with the marathon. I’ve let it become extremely important in my life. But all the great runners do this too. Passion can be a great gift but it can also become dangerous. I am walking a fine line between the two right now.

Last night I decided to forgive someone who did hurt me a great deal last Fall. I’ve been harboring deep anger, bitterness and ill feelings toward this person for almost a year! And that is so unhealthy. I am finally going to let it go and move on. I have tried to do this many times this past year but last night’s Achilles TMS was a big wake-up call for me. If I don’t move on, my TMS will plague me indefinitely.

So that is where I’m at right now. I’ve made peace with someone who caused me a great deal of pain and I’m feeling much better today. The challenge will be the fear and doing my run later after work.

I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks again for your kindness!

Joyce

 

[JoyceVT]

Well this morning my achilles felt OK and then after being at my desk for a bit it got worse during the day. I still tried to run and it was sore like last evening's run. And now afterward it's a little worse than last night. I'm scared and have no idea when this will go away. My marathon is in 17 days.

 

[hecate105]

I think you have 2 choices.
1. Force yourself to run. Tell yourself its TMS, feel the pain and plough on regardless. Then STOP. Take a really good look at your life, your attitudes, your ways of putting pressure (punishing?) on yourself. Sort it all out and get to a place of balance, health and most importantly - happiness.
2. Accept you have TMS and that YOU are the priority. Stop running and anything else in life that pressures and stresses you. Sort out your psychological issues - we all have them! Put your well-being first - and start running again when you can do it for joy - not self-imposed pressure.
It may sound harsh, but I am just recovering from 22 years of constant pain - I know how bad it can get. Be kind to yourself, you DO deserve it!

 

[JoyceVT]

Hi Jo – thanks again for your thoughtful post. I decided to go with #2 and take a few days off. I got a sports massage on Friday and then swam on Saturday. On Sunday I had 16 miles on my training schedule. So I ran 11 on this anti-gravity treadmill (Alter G) with only 20% of my body weight and that went fine. I didn’t have any soreness in Achilles area. Since it went well I tried running outside right after that for 5 miles. Unfortunately my lower calf muscle and upper Achilles (different from the original sore area) was sore running. I am wondering if that was just more TMS or the soreness from the massage. So I took yesterday off from running.

I re-read Dr Sopher’s chapter on athletes last night and how this all sounds so much like TMS! It’s like he describes me to the T in this chapter especially when he talks about marathon training. It’s the perfect set-up for TMS with all the self-imposed pressure to run a fast time.

I feel like things are feeling a little better today. I might either use the anti-gravity treadmill or just go swimming and try to run tomorrow.

Thanks again for your help!

Joyce

 

[Forest]

I re-read Dr Sopher’s chapter on athletes last night and how this all sounds so much like TMS! It’s like he describes me to the T in this chapter especially when he talks about marathon training. It’s the perfect set-up for TMS with all the self-imposed pressure to run a fast time.

Of course it is. Your unconscious creates TMS symptoms for a reason. When you put this much pressure on yourself to succeed, it is very likely TMS will pop up again. This doesn't mean that you have to tone it down. It is okay, and probably a good thing, to let certain things become important to us. We can care about our jobs, families, or athletic achievements. We simply need to understand that when we push ourselves so hard and sacrifice everything for in our pursuit of these goals, our unconscious begins to cry out for us to soothe it.

The first step is to simply recognize that even though you want to do great in the run, part of you is very angry at having to do it. This is the message your symptoms are trying to tell you. It can be very amazing at how much progress you can make simply by recognizing that this thing you are passionate about, is also something that makes you extremely angry. Again, you do not have to stop doing something simply because you have a lot of repressed rage towards that thing. I would however recommend thinking about why running and have great times is so important to you. Gaining insights into why we care about the things that are important to us will help you soothe your unconscious and reduce your TMS.

 

[hecate105]

also its looking at why you put so much pressure on yourself or why it makes you angry. I have found so many 'triggers' that set me off now (with me its resentment and/or being overwhelmed) that I have managed to trace back to stuff that happened when I was a kid. I didn't want to re-visit all that stuff, but I found that after journaling (especially the writing with your 'other' hand!) meditating and a lot of anger-processing - I really benefitted from the process. I am so much calmer and less anxious, but also I can see straight away when a trigger is present. So I deal with things differently. I stand up for myself, I say NO, and I am a lot kinder to me!
I think your pain moving to a different place means you are on the right track (so to speak!) so don't give up, read more TMS books, do the structured educational programme on this website (its free - and immensely helpful!) find out what is triggering your pain, your anger etc - so that in future you can run for the sheer joy of it...

 

[JoyceVT]

Thank you both Forest and Jo! I really appreciate the feedback as I have been feeling stuck this morning. Every day seems different and I never know what is around the corner. It’s hard not having control over TMS!

I really do believe that while I’m passionate about marathons and running, it has also become the activity that my subconscious is resenting at the same time. With a busy full-time job it’s really hard to get all of my training, cross training, stretching, core work, etc done each day. I do feel that part of me is angry with all the extra efforts to be a strong and fast runner. I don’t have a lot of free time and my subconscious just wants to relax!

I love to run for the sheer pleasure of running. But I am also a talented runner with good genes and it gives me something to be proud of. I hate my job. I don’t have kids and I don’t have many other talents. So I almost define myself as a runner. And I know that is a perfect environment for TMS. I’m working on this too!

My Achilles problem was a lot better on my run yesterday with just minor tightness and very minor soreness. It was a big improvement from Sunday’s run outside. However the soreness on the bottom of my foot which I thought was from the anit-gravity treadmill has gotten worse today. I do know this is now TMS. I didn’t feel it on the run yesterday but it felt worse afterward. And I felt it riding my bike to work today. And it’s worse today at work. I’m not going to let this TMS bully me around. My TMS needs a place to go and it has learned that my shin area no longer scares me as I’ve worked through that TMS for the last 6 months successfully. Now it needs a new place to go. So it has targeted my Achilles area and now the bottom of my foot.

The goal for this afternoon is to not give in to the fear and not pay attention to it as I’ve been doing this morning. It’s so hard but I really need to be vigilant. Stay tuned….