Healed?!

Rajput21

Rajput21

Peer Supporter
I don't want to jump the gun here, so I'll turn this into an advice seeking post instead. I've been worried about school starting because that is where I've had pain in the past.

Well one week into it, and I find myself able to study in any chair, in any position without any pain. I've been successful at avoiding unnecessary pressure by prioritizing my work and reminding myself of my past successes. I truly believe that I am not only capable of the work, but that I can be exceptional at it, as I have been in the past. So far so good. I'm not sure if my post reads this way, but I'm really trying not to get too carried away because as I understand, TMS can resurface. But there is no doubt that this is a huge revelation and I am unspeakably grateful for how I feel on a day to day basis. There's literally no pain. Ever. Right now.

So we can high five and roar and hug and do all of those amazing things, but my concern is how to finish out the program. Some of the daily 'assignments' don't really apply to me right now. For example, writing about current triggers is kind of moot. Writing about what is stressing me out is also inapplicable. Should I just skip around on the days until I find a day that applies to me? Should I treat each of the remaining days as free writes? Should I journal about how good I feel? Continue with my lists? What do you all think?

I'm owning each and every day and I find myself reacting to things in a very healthy, open manner. I'm confronting everything I am feeling and I can feel myself being healed. I'm no longer internalizing anything. I'm doing my work, I'm socializing, I'm in the gym, I'm losing weight, and I'm happy. In time, we'll throw a party and everyone will be invited. But for now, I'm just grateful for each and every day of this new life. It's suddenly worth living.
 
Rajput21 said:
I'm owning each and every day and I find myself reacting to things in a very healthy, open manner. I'm confronting everything I am feeling and I can feel myself being healed. I'm no longer internalizing anything. I'm doing my work, I'm socializing, I'm in the gym, I'm losing weight, and I'm happy. In time, we'll throw a party and everyone will be invited. But for now, I'm just grateful for each and every day of this new life. It's suddenly worth living.
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I wish I could "like" this a thousand times over. This is just incredible. Honestly, I have no words to describe how amazing this is...just that it is amazing.

I totally get the worry about school starting. There's that fear (or that nagging inner bully) suggesting that this time won't be any different. But you need to remind yourself that there's a HUGE difference between this semester and last semester: you now have the knowledge, the tools, and an INSANE amount of self-awareness that will all work together to keep your TMS in check. Plus, you have this community. We're all here to support you :) !

In answer to your question: if you think something really isn't applying to you right now, I don't see the point in doing it. But, I wouldn't just stop doing the program. It seems like you have a pretty good idea of what exercises are helpful for you right now...what if you substituted the exercises that aren't as helpful with one of those? Just a thought...
 
Rajput21 said:
I don't want to jump the gun here, so I'll turn this into an advice seeking post instead. I've been worried about school starting because that is where I've had pain in the past.

Well one week into it, and I find myself able to study in any chair, in any position without any pain. I've been successful at avoiding unnecessary pressure by prioritizing my work and reminding myself of my past successes. I truly believe that I am not only capable of the work, but that I can be exceptional at it, as I have been in the past. So far so good. I'm not sure if my post reads this way, but I'm really trying not to get too carried away because as I understand, TMS can resurface. But there is no doubt that this is a huge revelation and I am unspeakably grateful for how I feel on a day to day basis. There's literally no pain. Ever. Right now.

So we can high five and roar and hug and do all of those amazing things, but my concern is how to finish out the program. Some of the daily 'assignments' don't really apply to me right now. For example, writing about current triggers is kind of moot. Writing about what is stressing me out is also inapplicable. Should I just skip around on the days until I find a day that applies to me? Should I treat each of the remaining days as free writes? Should I journal about how good I feel? Continue with my lists? What do you all think?

I'm owning each and every day and I find myself reacting to things in a very healthy, open manner. I'm confronting everything I am feeling and I can feel myself being healed. I'm no longer internalizing anything. I'm doing my work, I'm socializing, I'm in the gym, I'm losing weight, and I'm happy. In time, we'll throw a party and everyone will be invited. But for now, I'm just grateful for each and every day of this new life. It's suddenly worth living.
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This is awesome brother- listen everything you've learned and done so far remember all of it- keep whats working and practice maybe every three days or so the older stuff, you have to remember the older stuff- it keeps you sharp. Now you can live in the now brother and stay there- learn new forms of meditations and you should be set. Remember to journal once a week and anytime you have a rough day-I usually try to think of the emotional issues at my stage but I still have to journal monthly or if I don't get enough soothing. Loving yourself and living in the now is about it.

You got it from my view- just remember what tools helped you get this far.- Awesome.......
 
Raj, awesome you're doing better. I'm planning on going back to school myself and it has really got me worried about how I will handle it being in pain.

I would say that while you may finish the program on this site, dealing with TMS is a lifelong process. As long as we are alive we will have TMS symptoms, it's part of being human. Everyone has them, but some of us have them worse. Whether you decide to continue your journaling, or however you want to do it; i'd say it's up to you, but just don't let yourself fall back into your old way of thinking. Personally, I almost always do free writes because the suggested journal activity doesn't seem to be that important at the time. for example, lately I've been upset about work, so I journal about work if that is the main thing I'm dealing with. This is just what I'm doing, I'm not necessarily suggesting it, maybe someone who has overcome TMS can give you better advice in that area. Just remember to stay in touch with your emotions so you can prevent a relapse.
 
As Forest has said, recovery is not a linear process! My advice is to celebrate the good days, and use the tools you now have to help on the bad ones. Congratulations!!!!!
In 12-step programs they have a saying that resonates with me: "Take what you like and leave the rest." Rather than simply stopping the SEP, I'd take what you can from each day that you have left. Continue to read and learn, for that will bolster your success. I'm so happy for you!
 
Congrats!! I pray I can get to the place your in. I hope it continues for you & you keep us updated. Enjoy your journey!
 
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