Having a hard time..

My brain has been filling me with so much doubt these past few days, and today has been the hardest one yet.

Most days, I can stay fairly optimistic. When I can stay optimistic and positive, I truly believe in TMS and in my ability to heal. I mean, I experienced three full weeks with absolutely no symptoms last December, and recently I had those amazing ten minutes of complete relief. And I’ve only been dealing with these symptoms for just over a year - I know that’s not long compared to many others, so it shouldn’t be too deeply “engrained” in my brain yet.

Some of you might remember that morning not long ago, when I woke up with zero symptoms after saying positive affirmations out loud the night before. ZERO! And it definitely wasn’t a coincidence - because that same day, I had been feeling incredibly low, even having very dark thoughts. Based on how emotions usually affect my symptoms, I would’ve expected them to get worse, not disappear. But that day and the following week were the best I’d felt in months. The symptoms were so mild that I remember thinking, “If this was my new baseline, I could actually live with it.” (They were at about a 1-2, and normally they’re at an 8, so it felt like such a huge relief.)

But since then, the symptoms have slowly crept back in, and the longer I go without feeling that kind of relief again, the harder it is to keep my mindset strong. My confidence in healing is very low right now, even though I feel like I’m doing everything right. I’m suffering deeply, and I feel sad, hopeless, and exhausted.

I also feel so bad for my boyfriend and my parents, who have to see me like this and worry about me all the time. I’m incredibly lucky to have them - they’re the biggest reason I keep going. They’ve believed in my healing 100% from the very beginning, even when I couldn’t believe it myself.

But then there’s my brain… which loves to feed me thoughts like these (and to be clear: I don’t believe them when I’m in a better state, but when things get dark, they feel so real):

• “Fibromyalgia is a real, lifelong disease. Look at all the people still suffering - if recovery was possible, there would be more success stories!”
  
  
• “Most success stories are probably just management, not full recovery. Those people still come back to the forums, so they must not be truly healed. And the few who did, are probably two out of a million. They got lucky. You don't have luck.”
  
  
• “Some of the success stories you read elsewhere are probably fake - maybe they were even paid to say they recovered.” (one thing that also bought me into this mindset, was that I caught AI lying to me about making up success stories. I believed in it for months, until I found out that most of the success stories it wrote to me, was actually made up. It even confessed to it. )
  
  
• "Look at all these comments (on Dan Buglio's videos for example), it's still the same people commenting from 4 years ago. They haven't gotten any better."
  
  
• "Most people that are healing, are people with much less symptoms than you. Of course you could heal if you had some back pain. This is something else!"
  
  
• "You've been gaslighting yourself into believing you can heal! And other people you keep seeing on the forums are doing the same."

Hearing those thoughts over and over makes it so hard to stay strong. Today, I honestly feel like I’m running out of fight. I even caught myself researching on Reddit about how people live with Fibromyalgia — because part of me is scared that maybe that’s what I really have to do at one point. I hate admitting it, but I’m afraid I’m starting to give in to the idea of having this “condition,” simply because I’m not seeing much progress right now. And the thought of holding on to hope, only to have it crushed, feels unbearable.

I think I’m just reaching out for a bit of support, encouragement, advice, and maybe even some love from you wonderful people. Today is really tough to even exist. Is it really worth it to hold on?

 

Aw Monica, I’m sorry to hear this! You deserve so much better than what you’re dealing with now.

yes it’s worth it! These are the moments where we can make real, lasting progress. We can view flares as terrible things that require panic and research and awful thoughts of what the future might bring. Or we can view them as opportunities, amazing opportunities to start building and creating a life where we are not at the mercy of our symptoms. In these moments can we soften how we view our situation, can we change the story we are telling ourselves in our head, can we find joy throughout the day, can we engage in activities and hobbies that bring joy? Can we still find it in ourselves to still do some form of TMS work? Thank your brain, for giving you this opportunity, a challenge that you are capable of meeting, you are unbelievably strong, think of what you have been through, what you’re going through, and you’re still fighting on. Can you acknowledge this fact and then force yourself to speak to your brain these facts. Force it until becomes your reality. There is so much progress to be made when we change how we talk to ourselves. When we dedicate time to actually uplifting ourselves.

I promise you things can get better!

 

@monica-tms
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way today. It’s completely normal for the brain to fill us with doubt, especially when progress feels slow or when symptoms creep back in after a taste of relief. What you experienced last December and those moments of complete symptom-free time show that your brain and body absolutely can reduce and lose symptoms—and that’s a powerful, real sign of hope.

Remember, symptom reduction is rarely a straight line. It’s okay to have tough days, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing or that your progress isn’t real. Your experience of relief after positive affirmations and those tiny breakthroughs are not accidents; they’re proof that your mindset and your efforts are working deep down, even if it’s hard to see right now.

Those scary thoughts your brain throws at you are part of the challenge but not the truth. You’re allowed to feel scared and tired, but remember the facts you know: you’ve made progress, and many have lost symptoms from exactly what you’re facing.

Holding on is absolutely worth it, even when it’s hard. Your fight matters because your symptom reduction matters. You are more resilient than your doubts. When things get dark, reaching out and sharing your feelings like this is a brave, important step.

I was diagnosed with 'fibromyalgia' and chronic fatigue/ME and I've gone from being bedridden for a total of 18 months and housebound to functioning pretty normally by comparison and continuing to improve. If I can do it, you can too.

So, you’re not alone. Keep taking those small steps, hold on to those moments of relief, and trust the process. ❤️

 

@monica-tms

Some counter arguments to what you bullet pointed (to remind yourself of when you are in a funk)...

Chronic pain conditions like fibromyalgia are real in experience, but “lifelong” is an assumption, not a rule. Many who recover quietly move on with their lives and stop participating in forums — this naturally skews visibility toward those still struggling.

Recovery stories are underrepresented because people who heal often lose interest in online health communities, not because recovery is rare.

Many people with widespread muscle pain struggle to have their symptoms taken seriously, so when they’re finally diagnosed with 'fibromyalgia', the label brings relief and validation. Having waited so long for recognition, they often resist considering a mind–body explanation, fearing it implies their suffering is imagined or self‑inflicted, hence they never try doing mind/body work and therefore don't recover.

Modern research shows central sensitization and learned pain pathways are reversible. The idea of a “lifelong condition” reflects traditional models, not findings from neuroplastic and mind-body research.

Recovery is a process that doesn’t always mean perfection. Also, returning to forums can reflect gratitude, not relapse. Many recovered people stay to help others.

“Luck” is an illusion when it comes to neuroplastic change. Recovery follows consistent inner work — reduced fear, reprocessing emotions to include rage and anger, shifting beliefs, and re-teaching the brain safety.

People often downplay progress due to perfectionistic thinking; partial recovery can still be life-changing and often progresses further with time.

Distrust after being misled is understandable, but skepticism toward deception shouldn’t automatically transfer to genuine people’s experiences.

The mind often uses mistrust to protect against hope — “If I don’t believe, I won’t be disappointed.” Unfortunately, that also prevents recovery work from gaining traction.

Healing is not disproven because a few stories were false; authentic healing examples in peer-reviewed literature and clinics remain well documented.

Online communities attract those who are still in struggle; people who heal typically leave quietly.

Dan’s comments section represents a small fraction of his large audience — the silent majority of viewers who improved don’t return to post.

The chronic posters you notice simply reflect the persistence of fear, not the impossibility of healing.

Severity doesn’t determine reversibility; examples exist of full recovery from decades of widespread pain, disability, or fibromyalgia symptoms.

The same neural pathways can produce a spectrum of intensities — it’s still the nervous system’s learned protection. The process to unlearn it is the same, regardless of symptom range.

The mind uses comparisons as false evidence of impossibility — yet each recovery begins by acknowledging the uniqueness of one’s nervous system. Comparing yourself to others can create false doubts, but true recovery begins by accepting that your brain and healing process are unique and that you have the power to change.

Believing in neuroplastic recovery isn’t gaslighting; it’s reframing from fear to safety — the basis of how neural circuits change.

Self-gaslighting involves denial of feelings; recovery work does the opposite by facing and feeling emotions safely.

The goal of mind-body healing is not to deny suffering but to understand its cause — shifting from self-blame to self-compassion.

 

@BloodMoon,
I honestly don’t know how to thank you enough. Your messages actually made me really emotional.

Before reading them, I was lying on the couch - completely defeated - no light in sight. I hadn’t even showered or brushed my teeth today; I just couldn’t get up. I wanted to sleep away both the physical and emotional pain, like I’ve always tried to do in the past before I got the symptoms.

You’re incredibly kind for taking the time to respond. Not just with a few words, but to every single one of my worried thoughts. It truly felt like you flipped a switch in me. Suddenly, I could see a little light again. I even read your messages out loud to my boyfriend, and he got emotional too. He told me you were absolutely right in everything you said. When we’re depressed and drowning in symptoms, it’s so hard to find color in a grey world - and yet, you helped me see some again. It's "just" my brain trying to protect me, it doesn't know any better.. I have to lead the way.

So, thank you for guiding me through this really hard moment. After reading what you wrote, I got up, took a shower, brushed my teeth — and I actually felt a bit better mentally.

I’m thinking of making a personal evidence sheet, and wondered if I could include your message there? I really think others could benefit from it too.

 

@Rabscuttle, thank you so much for your encouraging words. You really warmed my heart

 

@JanAtheCPA - YES! This is total bullshit, and I can see it now. It thought it had me this time, but it was wrong. I’m continuing this work, whether it likes it or not.

Yes, the victimhood trap. I’ve actually been really good at avoiding that one, because I know it’s a setup. But today… I just wanted to be cared for, to be the victim for a bit. Especially after spending some time on the dark side of the internet - cough Reddit cough. I totally get why some people don’t make it through this and give up; it’s so easy to do when others are ready to feed your victim mindset in forums like that.

But I’m not going to. I know better. I know there’s a way to recover.
Did you hear that, brain? I AM FULL OF HEALTH — AND COMPLETELY CAPABLE OF RECOVERY!

 

I also think I’m having an especially hard time right now because I just stopped taking my antidepressants about a week ago (tapered off). I actually wanted to come off them so I could start feeling my emotions more clearly again. So I guess that's starting to show as well.

 

Good! And you're very welcome - I am really pleased it's helped.

Absolutely!

 

Hi, Monica!

Big hug to you! Fibromyalgia is not for the faint in heart, and you’re bound to have some gloomy days. I’ve noticed in the past year, I’ve gotten much better at handling these days— but they still come. Why? Because fibromyalgia is pretty overwhelming! It can crush your spirit!

On dark days, I try to notice and celebrate the littlest positive achievements. (Changing out of PJs. Drinking enough water.) I also remember that the darkest days always pass. They always do. Things will get at least slightly better soon— and maybe even way better.

John Sarno said fibromyalgia is a very comprehensive form of TMS, but not impossible to heal. The medical world calls it a “disease,” which it isn’t. And it doesn’t know what causes it and has no cures or solutions to offer.

Good news for you! You know the truth. You can get better. Because the right treatment comes from having the right diagnosis. There’s nothing to doubt here.

I always keep in mind that graduated exposure (baby steps) works. Anyone can do that. It’s just a matter of determination. Can I wash one dish today, and maybe two tomorrow? People here on the forum (@BloodMoon, @Cactusflower) with very severe symptoms are living proof this method works, and I’ve had it work for me in the past.

Your time with zero symptoms is living proof your brain knows how to turn this off. Someone with a true disease can’t turn off symptoms—-ever. It’s a huge hint of your reality. You can have zero symptoms. It’s possible!

No one knows what life will hold for them. Most people get something hard to handle in life, sooner or later. This is ours. Never let your mind leave the vision of a bright future. The only way to stay the same is to give up. Don’t give up! ❤️

 

Thank you so much for your encouraging words, Diana. Your optimism is truly inspiring, and I’m really excited to follow your journey ❤️

And yes, deep down, I know the truth. This is the only way, and it is the right way.

Also, I just discovered that there are actually a lot more success stories on this forum than I first thought! But many of them unfortunately aren’t posted in the success stories section - I’ve found several more by using the search tool, which feels really reassuring!

 

@monica-tms
I’m not always positive, but I noticed I feel a lot better when I try to be! The forum helps me a lot because I always want other people to feel hope— and trying to give others hope, gives me hope.

Here’s a great success story that I read all the time. It has given me a lot of hope. It’s by an active forum member , @TG957. She had complex regional pain syndrome, which is very overwhelming and widespread. Her book is Defying the Verdict, by Tamara Gurin.