Day 6 Having a hard time with outcome independence

I felt like I achieved a really good emotional release with my journaling today but I'm having trouble not reinforcing the fear of my symptoms. Every time I do a day and my symptoms don't improve I feel beaten down.

My number one fear is my symptoms never going away. I want to live a life with less TMS symptoms so bad, I feel like I'm trying so hard every day but every day I still wake up to horrible bladder pain and urgency.

I wish I could get a break from the symptoms.

Am I doing too much? I looked ahead to day 7 and the idea of taking a day off scares me. I'm trying to live life as I would without TMS as much as possible but I'm so tired all the time and I live alone so any time I'm not busy the fear comes creeping back in.

I feel like researching about TMS has become a new obsession and compulsion for me and I know that's not helpful. I spend way too much time looking at the forum and other TMS websites. I need to try to take a step back.

 

Fears are really just thoughts which trigger sensations: they trigger anxiety.
Learning to simply sit with the sensations of anxiety - not to sweep them under the "rug" or push them away is a great tactic to get our bodies to fear these sensations less.
Partner with that the fact that fear stems from thought. Thoughts are not truths, they are simply machinations of the mind. What if you could just let them sit there without judging them. It's pretty much like waving "hi" to them but keeping a safe distance. You aren't hugging them but you also aren't slugging them. It's actually a way of doing the "work" in real-time, putting the things you are learning into everyday practice but not doing them as an exercise or lesson. These things can take some folks a lot - I mean a LOT of repetition, but eventually they can work.
So far you are doing a great job with your observations and insights.

 

how you are feeling is normal as you begin your TMS journey!! you being extremely hyper vigilant and anxious is a super good indicator that right now your system is sensitized. Using tools while you're sensitized is not going to be beneficial during this stage. I would highly recommend you work with your body to have some capacity before you use tools. Furthermore, you are using tools to fix and no tool is going to make your symptoms to away. Tools are a support and they better help allow whatever it is you are feeling (emotions, symptoms etc). I would recommend you first show your brain a different reality. Do you have anything you enjoy doing? Talking walks, watching shows etc. Engage in those activities with the discomfort. Show your body that two things can be present at the same time.

 

Hi, thank you, what do you mean by "tools"? And what do you mean by working with my body? I'm trying to do things I enjoy but my sympathetic nervous system is just always in fight or flight mode because of the pain and urgency and I'm feeling really discouraged.

 

Anything you use to change your symptom experience is a "tool" sometimes journaling can be beneficial but if you are journaling about how much you hate your symptoms and how much you want them to go away and looping on those thoughts you are keeping your system on high alert. I have read many of your posts on the forum and I took dealt with pelvic pain but no longer so I completely empathize! There is so much urgency from what I am reading right now. You are scrambling to figure out what to do in order to feel better or get rid of your pain and this energy is exactly what is keeping them chronic. I think instead of looking for another podcast, another success story or tool (journaling, meditation etc) work on first accepting your situation. Acceptance does not look like I love my life and my symptoms. It looks like I am going to do something I enjoy WHILE my pelvic pain and urgency is raging to show my body a different experience. That is what I mean by working with the body. You can message me if you would like to speak one on one! I love helping people at the beginning of their journeys.

 

Yes, I feel like all my thoughts are about how much I want my symptoms to go away and how much I can't do this anymore. The feelings are overwhelming and my whole body is so tense. I will message you, thank you so much.