Day 9 Have you been overly critical of yourself lately?

There has been a lot of progress lately. I’d say about 70% of my pain is gone. There are even moments when I completely forget about my back pain. Then suddenly I realize, “Wait… why doesn’t my back hurt right now?”—and that’s when I start to feel a bit of discomfort again. I guess that means I still haven’t fully calmed my mind yet!

I was able to go on a 2-day trip without any discomfort, and I even joined a 4-hour program where I met new people. I’ve restarted studying a foreign language and have slowly begun preparing for a certification exam as well.

But now that my body feels better, I’m starting to feel pressure like, “I need to do something productive.” I might be feeling a little anxious because I already registered for the certification exam at the end of this month.

Since yesterday, I’ve had a really bad headache. It feels like a throbbing pain behind my eyeballs and in my temples. That’s why I’ve returned to doing SEP. Please forgive me for only coming back here when things feel worse!


Today’s question: Have you been overly self-critical lately? How, and why?

Honestly, as soon as I saw the Day 9 materials, I started criticizing myself. How is it that I’ve studied English for 12 years in school, and even in university, but still can’t understand a 1-minute audio clip? I felt so pathetic.

I don’t have a job right now. I’m not making money. The thought “I shouldn’t be living like this” is always echoing in my head. I also constantly feel like I act awkwardly and that I’m bad at talking to people—like I’ll come across as weird or even like a loser.

I have this strong habit of putting myself down. I grew up in a culture where humility was seen as a virtue. If I ever said I was good at something, people would always be ready to say, “You’re not that good—stay humble.”

And maybe… I learned to criticize myself first as a kind of self-defense—so that others wouldn’t criticize me instead. If I told my parents, “I’m terrible at studying, I’m stupid,” maybe they wouldn’t say the same things to me. It’s like that old saying: “Better to beat yourself first before others do.”

But these days, I’m starting to wonder… maybe people didn’t want to criticize me after all. Maybe I just assumed they would. And maybe… no matter what I do, if I am satisfied with myself, then isn’t that enough?

The funny thing is, I’m actually very generous when it comes to judging others. Even if a friend suddenly quits their job or school, I can honestly say, “That’s totally okay, as long as you feel at peace.”

So why have I never been able to treat myself with that same kindness?

 

That is fantastic that you are feeling so much better and wanting to live life! This is so encouraging and amazing that you get moments without pain! What an encouragement to keep moving forward! I think we are all self critical and its a good question to ask yourself why. For me, if I bring myself down, then if someone else does it to me, it won't hurt so much. I had a very critical mom and her voice became my inner critic. I'm now unlearning it. Look around your family and see if maybe the critical voice started somewhere else first and you took it on.

 

Yes, I had quite a lot of critical voices around me. Since it has been that way for a long time, those voices have almost merged with my inner voice to the point where I can hardly tell them apart, but now I know that I need to distinguish between them.

 

This is a beautiful reflection and you're clearly doing a lot of work. Massive congratulations on how far you've come in such short an amount of time!

I too am very self critical and it can come from a place of your brain trying to protect you from the judgement or criticism of others (nothing can be worse than what I'd say to myself!). Noticing it is i think part of the healing. I'm still working on this!

I am very impatient and self critical of my body, especially because it can be so sensitive and I often compare to other people who seem to navigate the world just fine without all these annoying reactions. I think it's important that you said you're very generous when it comes to compassion for others, it suggests you already have the skill, it's just about turning it around towards yourself. I am also on that journey.

Good luck to you, I believe those of us on this path are brave, courageous and strong people. We walk a road many can't even imagine and there is resilience in that. Keep reflecting, keep working. I really believe that is the way forward.