Guilty of spending my dad's money on my recovery and wasting time

I am 25 .Dealing with 4 years of TMS Back pain . Have been unemployed for 4 years

My parents have already spent over 30K+ dollars for the last 4 years over various scans , therapies , doctors , reports etc . Once I discovered about my symptoms being Neuroplastic a few months back I am at relief but I am still spending their money on PT, books and some PRT sessions which cost a lot . Honestly the amount of money spent when converted into my currency my parents would've been able to buy a luxury car .

Once I knew my symptoms are Neuroplastic . I am a bit releived ..Even tho I am dealing with flareups and acute symptoms and working on them through somatic tracking , meditation, prt sessions and PT(Only exercise) I feel like I am wasting my time by being unemployed . I also know that guilt can uptick the symptoms but I am unable to process it

 

@GokuGn
You process the guilt by allowing yourself to feel it. The heaviness, perhaps accompanied by other emotions: sadness, thankfulness for your parents and for now understanding the true cause of your pain.
Working through this is really heavy, but I think one of the biggest lessons is that your parents pay this money because you are with it. Perhaps exploring your own self worth and how you feel about it will help settle your mind a bit.

 

My parents have been very supportive and the best I could ask for . I feel very heavy and teary while writing this that I am not able to buy something with my own money as a token of appreciation

 

@GokuGn
In my experience, my family did not want to be shown appreciation with a purchase. They wanted time together and words. I wrote my husband letters. I also acknowledged my own anger and frustration for spending money on this. My husband answered that he got his wife back again. You have many gifts you can use to express your feelings to your family.

 

You sound like a kind and considerate person. Parents often just want their children to be grateful (which you clearly are).

That said, by the sounds of it they love you very much and would do anything for you - your health is priceless to them and I have no doubt that your health and happiness are worth more to them than anything let alone a car! They wouldn't want anything in return, just for you to be happy.

I wonder too, given how supportive they sound would it help for you to express this guilt to them? It might take the load off and further support with this may make you feel a lot better.

An additional note, unfortunately TMS isn't mainstream (yet?), so pretty much everyone (including myself and yes for me there was a lot of parental support too) has to spend big just to come across TMS (it also helps a lot with belief in TMS as the more things that don't work the more buy in you'll have that it's neuroplastic). It's just the reality, so it isn't a reflection on you it's just the way the system is at the moment.

One more thing (they are coming to me as I write this), you have a bit of a paradox here, in that yes I do believe that guilt won't be helping. Assuming the only thing your parents want is for you to be happy and be free of this, then you are actually doing them a disservice by holding onto the guilt. You should let go of the guilt for yourself anyway, but do it for them too!