Day 10 getting back to living a fear-free life

Yesterday was hard. As someone who was surprised diagnosed with endometriosis about 5 years ago, my period became a very scary and anxiety-provoking thing. Each month, I would wonder, "Is my body betraying me?" "Is the blood going where it's supposed to go?" "Is this period going to lead to another emergency surgery?" So when I got my first period on the TMS journey, it added a layer of stress and fear that I wasn't ready for - and fatigue (I missed a day of the program).

Instead of taking the perfectionist route, I decided that not everything could be solved in a day. I couldn't get to the root of my pain (the psychological causes) - I was irritated about everything - and I decided to simply rest (which ended up being the best case scenario). I read in the program so far that sometimes it's about not making this recovery your whole life and just getting back to living a fear-free life - so that's what I tried to do.

Anywayyyyy, all that to say - I think I'm doing really well. I'm proud of myself. I was back deadlifting and benching the other day. I'm mentally treating myself less as a victim of pain and circumstance and more as a victor climbing to the top of Kilimanjaro (with the right gear/support and fuel, I will make it!).

One of my doubts, though, if anyone can speak to this, is that I probably won't get "THE TMS diagnosis" that these recovery success story patients get. I'm self-disgnosising, and I know this might sound silly, but is this enough - the knowledge that I believe this TMS diagnosis fits me to a T? Can I direct my own diagnosis, treatment, and recovery? It almost sounds too good to be true (and it also sounds and feels correct). Has anyone else experienced this feeling?

My biggest goal, and the pain neuro pathway that has been conditioned for me, is the inability to lie on my back without throbbing pelvic pain increasing to an excruciating level. No matter how focused I am on a mantra, "there is nothing wrong with me," "you're safe," or I try to do a body scan meditation into sleep, I will get anxious that I'm not feeling the pain, and here it will come, building and building out of nowhere.

I know, expecting relief from this after 10 days of treatment compared to 2 years of reinforcing this pain pathway is rushing a bit, but there is also fear behind it that I won't be able to break this pattern. I try to practice lying down every day and hope that one day I'm just going to drift into the best sleep of my life.

Tips and tricks welcome! Thanks for indulging a newcomer, yet again <3

 

I never received a TMS diagnosis from anyone (maybe I got the odd opinion from someone else here and there) and I'd say those who do are in the small minority (90%+ would heal themselves and self-diagnose if I had to guess) - you absolutely have the power and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! The diagnosis itself usually isn't difficult and is obvious once you understand the theory (and have read some of the books + ruled out anything sinister medically which is crucial) and is often best done by the person because you know yourself and your experience better than anyone (and you're the one who has to believe it).

That's not me knocking being able to get a diagnosis from one of the big hitters, because that could only help (I don't diagnose as I'm not a doctor), but please don't think it's a requirement

Caveat: Sometimes, in complex cases and with rare diagnoses, you might need a combination of medical advice and a TMS doctor to make that decision. I always stress the importance of staying safe and not risking your health. That being said, most of the time as long as you have the tick off medically from your physician then it's safe to proceed (and if so, it's usually TMS!).