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Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
Friends asking ?
- Thread starter KEANU4141
- Start date
Cactusflower
Beloved Grand Eagle
@KEANU4141
How did you feel about your friend asking these questions (you don’t need to answer here, but this is a great chance to explore emotions).
When do you think you might try going back to school? @miffybunny gave you some great tips around this including saying that it is your choice when and how you go back to classes. You are in control of this choice. You can go back when you want to.
Dr. Hanscom, a notable TMS doctor suggests we do not talk about or explain our symptoms to anyone except medical professionals and therapists. Most people wouldn’t understand the TMS explanation because they are focused on western medicine’s idea that you are somehow sick. You are not sick or unwell, and you need to convince your brain you are not sick or unwell -so steering clear of those conversations will reinforce the idea in your mind.
So how do you change the subject?
Think about the real point of their asking. Because they miss you and care about you! Perhaps in a joking manner you can bring that up.. aww, miss me?
Perhaps you can think about how you can use something called graded exposure (exposing yourself to something gradually, even if it causes some symptoms because you know the symptoms are harmless) to your advantage.
If you are not already doing so, maybe you can suggest hanging out with your buddy for a short time, like say, an hour. If awkward questions come up, you can deflect them or simply answer something like “that’s kind of personal” - without giving an explanation of any kind. It’s a way of learning to set boundaries and saying no.
Switch topics to talk about.
You’ll learn to do this.
The most important thing is to allow any emotions to come up, to be felt.
If you feel awkward.. allow it.
If you feel frustrated, notice that in your body.
If you are feeling good with companionship of a friend, allow it too! Let yourself feel happy and content and have fun!
How did you feel about your friend asking these questions (you don’t need to answer here, but this is a great chance to explore emotions).
When do you think you might try going back to school? @miffybunny gave you some great tips around this including saying that it is your choice when and how you go back to classes. You are in control of this choice. You can go back when you want to.
Dr. Hanscom, a notable TMS doctor suggests we do not talk about or explain our symptoms to anyone except medical professionals and therapists. Most people wouldn’t understand the TMS explanation because they are focused on western medicine’s idea that you are somehow sick. You are not sick or unwell, and you need to convince your brain you are not sick or unwell -so steering clear of those conversations will reinforce the idea in your mind.
So how do you change the subject?
Think about the real point of their asking. Because they miss you and care about you! Perhaps in a joking manner you can bring that up.. aww, miss me?
Perhaps you can think about how you can use something called graded exposure (exposing yourself to something gradually, even if it causes some symptoms because you know the symptoms are harmless) to your advantage.
If you are not already doing so, maybe you can suggest hanging out with your buddy for a short time, like say, an hour. If awkward questions come up, you can deflect them or simply answer something like “that’s kind of personal” - without giving an explanation of any kind. It’s a way of learning to set boundaries and saying no.
Switch topics to talk about.
You’ll learn to do this.
The most important thing is to allow any emotions to come up, to be felt.
If you feel awkward.. allow it.
If you feel frustrated, notice that in your body.
If you are feeling good with companionship of a friend, allow it too! Let yourself feel happy and content and have fun!
Bonnard
Well known member
@KEANU4141 This is a great suggestion by Dr. Hanscom via @Cactusflower. This is something I've struggled with, and it's really important for a bunch of reasons. It's kind of like gossip at school or work. If you fall into it and gossip with a friend or co-worker, the next time you see that person, the first thing they'll say is "Wait till I tell you this...." and it will be the latest daily gossip that you may not want to hear because you're trying not to gossip as a person.
I found that with symptoms. I still have folks who occasionally look at me in a puzzled way and say, "You better not lift that." Or// "Don't you have those back problems?"
I've struggled with that. I've done a bunch of things that did not work.
I think what works is a brief answer, with not a ton of emotion, that just says something like "I'm doing the best I can each day, and things have gotten better." Or// "Today is a good day. How are you doing?"
When someone asks about a diagnosis, I think shrugging it off and making a general statement works. Something like, "I think I've got another appointment coming up." Or// "Not sure exactly, but I'm feeling better." Or// "You know what it's like with those doctors. A lot of tests and it takes them forever to figure it out."
Something that pushes it off but doesn't say that much.
And, you may have that one close friend that you can open up with.