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finding time..&..changing direction/job etc

B

Bernard

Peer Supporter
Hello

I would like to start challenging my physical assumptions. I would like to journal with more time and space. I find my job all consuming and stressful & I have 2 young children
I find everything is a rush....

I was wondering how people strike a balance and find the time to look after themselves and invest in their health

I'd also be interested to hear how many people have changed careers, or other major life aspects/ directions as part of their TMS journey?

I find work is a catalyst for my perfectionism and a fabulous platform on which to beat myself up and loose myself in cognitive churn.... the exhaust of which is exhausting

Many thanks
 
Hi Bernard
I wish I could help you with striking a balance but I'm still working on that one myself. There are many, many supportive people on this website with lots of great ideas so hopefully we'll learn that one together!

I have changed major aspects of my life as part of my TMS journey. My neck/shoulder pain started 18 months ago. I had been working minimum of 10 hour days at a computer keyboard performing a very stressful job involving very angry, desperate emotionally charged people (primarily the customers but sometimes the co-workers as well). I was at the gym one morning (about 6am) working out on the ab-solo when I heard that notorious "pop" (mine was in my neck). Went home, showered - muscles loosened a bit, went to work by 7:30 and by 9am I could not turn my head. That was the beginning of my TMS journey. MRI showed bulged discs, arthritis...whole array of ominous looking things in the neck. The pain quickly took over my shoulders and I was told that I had sprains or possibly tore both rotator cuffs. Tried to work though it for several months with little progress. I was told that all my time at the keyboard had produced all the problems and that if I wanted to get better I would have to stop. I took a well intentioned medical leave, during which time the pain continued to worsen. I was still in pain when the leave was expiring so I ended up resigning from my job. This has been a long and difficult struggle for both myself and my husband. Our income has been cut in half so our life-style has had to change dramatically - which has not been without its fair share of stress (and guilt on my part). I finally felt well enough to attempt to contribute to our income again late this summer. Currently I am caring for some wonderful children part-time, which brings with it a whole spectrum of emotions.

My journey is far from over. I am on day 28 of the SEP, I am not pain-free. I am having great difficulty identifying emotions in myself. I feel as though I am constantly trying to "find myself". It is not an easy journey. Although the physical pain is still with me, the anxiety and depression that were holding me hostage when I started the program have both been loosing power. I just try to take each day as it comes now and remain hopeful.

I wish you well on your journey.
 
Well all of these are very good and very challenging questions to answer. The good part is that by asking these questions you are beginning to think psychologically and are on the road to recovery. In regards to the question about how to strike a balance and look after yourself, I am reminded of a section of from Freedom From Fibromyalgia which discusses the need to simplify your life. As goodists, people with TMS tend to always put the needs of others above their own needs. We volunteer to cover for someone, even though we are tired and worn out. A large part of recovering involves learning to say no, but more importantly, understanding why we feel the need to take on everything. We all try to take care of others, but TMS recovery is about taking care of yourself.

Of course, striking the right balance is hard to do-I struggle with it all of the time. But understanding why we struggle with simplifying our lives makes a huge difference.
 
Forest,
If you have any tips for uncovering the answer to "why" we struggle with simplifying I would be very grateful. I seem to have great difficulty uncovering true answer for most of the "why" questions posed on this site or in the books I've read so far trying to end the pain. I am doing the journaling work and I find myself filling pages with questions but having no answers expect my standard "I don't know". I am tired of hearing this response in my head so any suggestions for breaking past it would be most welcome.
 
I quit one volunteer activity when I first started working on TMS. Other than that I probably work more than I did before but I'm gentler with myself and less perfectionistic. I don't get drained nearly as easily.
 
For the most part I see alot of these questions as something to mull over (Hence why they are called Questions to Ponder). You don't have a great answer right away that's okay. In time, as you gain more introspection, you will be able to connect the dots.

People with TMS have a powerful need to have all of the answers, but this is just another form of TMSing. Part of the reason we develop TMS is because we have trouble letting go. Learning to be okay with not have the answers is what this approach is all about.

The reason people have difficulty simplifying their lives is probably different for everyone. In the Great Pain Deception, Steve Ozanich said it was due to our desire to be connected to others due to our fear of rejection. From my experience this tends to be true, at least for me. It is the fear of abandoment that drives us to be perfectionistic and goodist. I made a lot of progress once I understood this aspect of why personality is the way it is.
 
...our desire to be connected
this certainly chimes with me.
Always looking for some affirmation and +ve reflection in the eyes of others
always wanting to be seen as perfect despite a very different internal perspective
fear of abandonment,....... yes .

Somehow i think this might have led me to abandon myself!
 
Forest said:
In the Great Pain Deception, Steve Ozanich said it was due to our desire to be connected to others due to our fear of rejection. From my experience this tends to be true, at least for me. It is the fear of abandonment that drives us to be perfectionistic and goodist.
Click to expand...

This makes a lot of sense to me.
 
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