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Day 8 feeling worse

L

lucky one

New Member
I have been doing the Structured Education Program, The Alan Gordon Recovery Program, and I've been reading the successs stories. I was accepting my symptoms, knee pain, frozen hip (if there's such a thing), limping and exercising without fear and was feeling quite hopeful. I believe even the pain was more bearable, but coming accross some posts about people that had to have surgery for issues similar to mine, scared the hell out of me and started feeling worse. I am working on believing that it's TMS and after reading those stories, the doubts crept in and started to think who do I think I am? I am going to have to go thru surgeries of the knee and hip, I'm old, that's what happens to old people, etc. etc. I guess by posting this I am just looking for some reassurance.

On the other hand, I believe that if I don't free myself of pain, at least I'm uncovering things that I did not want to uncover although deep down I knew they were there. In my 66 years of life, I never felt safe or taken care of, which is absurd as my husband and son love me dearly and care for me. I went thru years of therapy and thought that all was alright but it seems that doing it alone helped me journal things that I could never tell a therapist thinking those things were too shameful to be expressed.

All of this to say that no matter what the pain does, I'm very thankful for this program.
 
lucky oner

Thanks for your strong, and really wonderful report. The fear will come, and it sounds like you've got a handle on how this happened. I suggest you turn your attention to success stories, and even on this Forum, don't read posts where folks are struggling. Read positive stuff.

To finally know more about ourselves as we get older, this is a great gift. I am happy for you. It sounds like there is self-compassion and understanding arising for you, for your life and experience.

As you know more about yourself, you'll see more and more the connections to the symptoms, and this will be great medicine. Take heart and be patient.

Andy
 
Andy, Thanks so much for such a thoughtful response. That's what I was looking for, someone to touch my soul enough to keep going. I will continue.......
 
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