Day 3 Feeling rough today

Two months ago I temporarily closed my business. I've been burnt out for several years, but I pushed through that, until it manifested as physical pain that I couldn't ignore. Shoulder pain when I work.

But I don't want to lose my business, I love it so much. But when I hire staff to help me my anxiety becomes debilitating and I freak out. I feel tense in my body, and I feel like I hold my breath alot and can't relax.

It's really hard for me to relax around other people, I'm always putting on an show and trying to people-please everyone around me, staff and customers. It's exhausting.

Today I feel really scared that I won't be able to get my anxiety under control enough to re-open my business. I'm scared I am going to lose everything.

I can't work alone because it makes my shoulder hurt, but I can't hire help because of the anxiety. I feel pathetic and useless. This is no way to live.

Writing it all down and sharing it here makes me cry alot. I hope I am releasing some stuff that will help me feel better.

 

That is a typical behavior pattern with someone with TMS. I understand exactly what you mean. If I am not people pleasing so people like me .....who am I? What you are feeling (anxiety, scared, hurt) is TMS. You've started the SEP and now can work through your emotions! All of us are different in the healing process, but this is such a good start to write down!

 

I’ve had a LOT of trouble with this. I sure do feel for you! It’s debilitating. Over the past year I’ve slowly started to care a lot less about what people think. And it’s a good first step. It’s one of the big freeing things to learn because you have TMS.

 

Thank you both for your replies, it feels good to share it and be heard. And to know that this is TMS and things can be different! ♥️

 

Things can be different!